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Ex is being very unreasonable..

(10 Posts)
mummycare Thu 27-Dec-12 19:04:32

We split up over 4 years ago in that time i have had a new partner for 2/ 1/2 years which i kept away fromt he children. he was a lovely guy but i knew he didnt want to be part of a family unit so they never really met him only as my friend a handfull of times. Meaning we did not act like a couple in front of the kids. This relationship ended cause even though he was lovely i knew he wasnt the one to come into our family for living with me. Then a few months ago i met a new guy and i feel he is wanting to be part of a family unit and would be better around the kids. My ex has had a girlfriend for almost 3 years. Because the kids never really mentioned another man and even though i know lots of men and they do hang around us he has gone really mad that i have a new man around the kids and that he got them a present (a majicians set) and when he asked my son who it was from and my son said mummys friend he went mental at me. He always said that he has accepted that a man will one day be around them but that seems to be a lie and is not the case. The kids 8 & 9 one with special needs dont like seeing my ex much and only want to see him on a set day each week. Ex has now demanded that he has them more. My beleif is that he doesnt want them around the new guy. The kids really dont want to see me ex any more than they are. He has never been a hands on dad and has alwasy neglected them in phone calls and turning up and also cancelling how many days he sees them for. These are some of the reasons why they dont want to see him really but are not all of them.

So my ex can be at his girlfriends house with her kids but i cant have anyone around me that appears to be a threat to him.. i am so angry.. double standards huh.. thats why i have been cautious in having someone staying at my house as i new this would happen.. aarrgghhh..

sarahseashell Thu 27-Dec-12 20:14:15

Grr angry how annoying!

firstly congrats on the new relationship and it sounds like you've handled the whole thing really well. No real advice I'm afraid save to say try not to 'react' to him and just let his silly jealous tantrum fizzle out as much as possible?

If you called his bluff do you think he'd actually want to have the children more days, given how hands off he is?

queenofthepirates Thu 27-Dec-12 20:30:30

Ignore him, his opinions on the topic really aren't important any more than whether he thinks your hair looks good or whether the shed should have solid foundations.

VeryProbablyStupid Fri 28-Dec-12 08:32:21

I came on this subject to post a very similar post. My ex has had a gf for 3 years, they just split up and he has a date with someone else. I also have a date but as soon as he found this out he kicked right off. Accusing me of being a bad mother by inviting men (!?) to the house where his son lives. Men do not come here, my friends do, some of which are men, mostly when DS is asleep in the evening.

But I have basically come to the conclusion that he can eff off! Same for yours OP. Its just jealousy. I wouldnt consult him if I wanted to change my hair or the colour of my living room, so why would he have a say in my relationship choices. As long as you are confident that you are doing your best for your DCs, which is sounds like you very much are, then try your best to ignore him. It is hard when youre not getting on, but if its because he is being ridiculous there isnt much you can do!

mummycare Fri 28-Dec-12 10:00:05

I wish i could just brush it off but its the verbal and the texts that i get from him that i cant cope with. My current partney has agreed to come in also as my friend for a few months too so not to upset things any more. Whish is very kind and considerate of him. But he threatens me around money and the house inwhich his name is on the mortgage but he has never paid any of, we have a prenupt but it was made so many years ago, it will not be valid now in the ways prenups can be over turned. I have been to many solicitors and some say he can some say he cant. So he has me trapped in all ways really. I am living in constant anxiety about me being happy.

Thanks you for all your replies. its a tough one to handle and going legal would mean i wouldnt be able to afford to live as i am just outside the catchment of legal aid. not that there are too many of them left. plus i would want to get a special needs solictor anyway as they would make everyone see that my son can not have so many changes and because he does shift work this would mean his routine would be all over the place.

Very sad about things today... sad

RedHelenB Fri 28-Dec-12 13:49:00

Win, WIN _ your kids see more of their dad & he may make more of an effort so new man isn't a threat & you get time alone with new man!

mummycare Fri 28-Dec-12 15:12:38

Sorry kids dont want to see him any more than they do.. I get pletny of time with my new man without the kids. So its not a worry there.

Jemma1111 Fri 28-Dec-12 15:19:15

First of all keep a record of all the texts he sends and a diary of his verbal nastiness to you. If he won't leave you alone then I suggest you visit your local police station as they will most likely be able to give him a warning.

mummycare Fri 28-Dec-12 15:22:46

I have kept records via text and written in the diary of verbal threats lies etc but i think he has cottoned on to my text recordings and now only does it to my face and wont write anything down.. Recording him is the only way now, but i truly feel its the low of the low to do this.. but maybe i need to.. sad

Jemma1111 Fri 28-Dec-12 15:47:25

If I were you I would still go to the police with the texts you already have (if you've not deleted them) and explain what he's doing now.

At the very least you should be able to have him put 'on record' even if no action is taken now. You may be thankful if you do this because one day if things get really out of hand then you are in a better position as you've already reported him if you see what I mean.

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