I have been single for 8 years with very few dates in that time - that sounds sad but fin with me! My boys were 18 months and 3 when I separated from their father (he was having an affair, which he denied but i caught him out and divorced him!). I have put my life on hold for most of it as my boys were so small and their father only sees them one day a week with no overnight stays so very little free time. My last single friend has just got a boyfriend and is now giving me the "can't put your life on hold because of your children" speech.
I would love to meet someone but feel that I need to be around for my boys as their father is particularly crap at it and I know it upsets them so try to be there for them all the time. I do go out occasionally but am not a natural flirt so find this difficult. I am also slightly overweight and 48 so not a good combination!! 
. I want to be there for my children but also would like to meet someone - is my friend right or am I?
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Your thoughts please....
muffintop · 26/12/2012 23:30
Santa having read your post confidence plays a big factor in most things for me - day to day life I am really confident, looking after children, running a house and finances etc but put me in a situation where there are men around and you have to talk to them and then it all disappears. A lot of men my age have grown up children and are looking for a younger, slimmer model 
! I know I am good fun but having just been a mum for so long sometimes forget. Their father is still with the women he was having an affair with and am not sure if she calls the shots in the relationship but my boys are definitely not the first priority and it upsets me to see this which is why I always put them first. Too much time on my hands tonight and crap tv got me thinking !
Muffin, I know exactly how you feel
I am 48, I am overweight, I am ugly and unattractive. DD is 13 and I split with her dad 10 years ago. Since then, my last encounter with a man was in 2004. That's it. No-one is interested.
ExP has had the luxury of the freedom to go about his own life, without bothering about DD. He got married a few years ago and is quite happy.
Despite the fact that he lives 5 minutes away, DD didn't even get a christmas card from him 
As the days and months go on, I'm more and more convinced that no-one will ever take an interest in me, and I have to admit that's a fuckin awful thought.
I really wanted DD too have a strong male role model in her life. Now she is so close to me she would really strongly object to any man taking attention away from her.
I never believed my life would turn out like this
Sorry I can't be more positive for you, OP
muffintop have you tried reading the susie orbach book 'on eating' ?
It's only a little book but very good. it's more to do with the psychological side of things.
I agree with magichouse in that loving yourself first and foremost is key - bit of counselling if necessary? I think it's really hard though to try to balance having a dp with putting needs of dcs first. Maybe hobbies and other friendships are the way forwards, and may lead to meeting new men in the process?
good luck
I know tiny iddy biddy mums with no confidence & hate themselves and lovely larger ladies who radiate attractiveness and confidence with men..
What I'm trying to say is, yes - if you fancy it get fit and healthier and as a by product, lose a little weight. But the key to it might be a bit deeper. Be kind to yourself, be your own bestie and (as Magic mentioned) love yourself, or at least try & pretend in the beginning (this might be more relevant to Santa?) It's not easy. Doing a few seemingly daft things actually do help such as muttering to yourself daily about how you're good at this and that..
For example if you are confident in other areas of your life but not with men you could say to yourself: 'I'm looking pretty good today actually; this top really suits me' or 'I've got lovely eyes' or 'I really enjoy having random chats with interesting people' and so on.
It's auto-suggestion and it's a very old method devised by Emile Coue . Might give you that boost to help you get out there initially.
Just a thought, give it a whirl 
Alternatively, check out the Mirabelle Summers & her 'Get A Guy Guide' 
I was sceptical, but it's interesting reading! Honestly
here
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