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Is he just a meanie?

(11 Posts)
VBisme Thu 27-Dec-12 16:34:38

Dh and his ex had a chat about gifts before Xmas the first year they'd seperated and agreed to sort out their own presents.
It seems to work well and means you don'y get any snidey gifts which some of my friends do.

DoubleYew Thu 27-Dec-12 16:29:50

Ds and I made salt dough decorations as a bad weather activity and we wrapped one up for his dad. Ds was very excited to be giving him a present and it cost no money / extra effort. And if he is any kind of father he would like it.

Nothing in return but I didn't expect anything as he hadn't got me christmas or birthday presents for the last few years we were together so he's hardly going to start now! Even though he's not 'depressed' anymore since he met his new gf.

I think next time I'll do what Jenny does for myself.

BadIdeaBear Thu 27-Dec-12 15:01:10

I think that's really sad that your ex didn't sort something out for you. It is my DP's second Christmas separated from his exP and he sorted two gifts (some chocolate and a mug as that's what DSS - 3 - and DSD - 7 - thought she'd like) for her. Equally, she did gifts from the kids for both my DP and (incredibly impressively) me as well as their grandparents (my DP's parents - hers are not around) and each other.

They were so keen on doing presents as soon as we put the tree up in early December. They recognise the importance of it and were giving everyone all kinds of stuff from their room, wrapped up. It strikes me as very important to instill this tradition when young, and I've been most touched by how everyone in this situation has risen above the ongoing hostility and done this for the kids.

Lookingatclaus Thu 27-Dec-12 10:01:31

I did exactly the same the first two years. He not only bought nothing for me from dd, he didn't get anything for dd or dad either.

Dsd had even opted to be with him as she didn't want him bring in his own the first year after I left. When he told me that he wouldn't be buying her anything I rushed out and added loads to what I had already got her.

So even after that, the next year when he came for the day and had dinner I thought he might at least get the girls something - but no, nothing for any of us and me saying oh I know the label says from me but its from Dad too.

It is upsetting when despite any hostility you give something with a good heart and its not reciprocated.

IneedAgoldenNickname Wed 26-Dec-12 22:53:36

Personally I think it is the job of the ex to get present from DC
I took my DC out and let them choose presents for Daddy, ds1 asked Daddy if they could go and buy me something and his reply was that it want his job to do that!
I then found out that his gf (who he had been with 3 months) took the DC out to buy him presents, so he basically got double presents from then and I got nothing.

And yes I know its not about the presents, but still seems unfair, especially as ds1 was upset that he want allowed to go and get me anything :-(

glitch Wed 26-Dec-12 21:17:53

Ooooh, gosh, could be a rather lovely present then. grin

howdoyouknowjenny Wed 26-Dec-12 21:10:41

Don't feel an idiot, old habits die hard. You have no doubt been buying them all presents for years, as had I. Sometimes you just need to remember that you did xy and z because you we're in a relationship. That is no longer the case.

This is really helping me as now I can plan new 'traditions' with ds and find myself getting really excited by them as they are just for us. Mainly based very selfishly around what I would most prefer without compromising to accommodate xdh. My ds is still a baby really so I can get him excited by just about anything.

Maybe think of what you spent on the ex and ex il's as the bases of your budget for ds's present to you next year?

glitch Wed 26-Dec-12 21:02:42

Feel a bit of an idiot for getting them all presents now.

glitch Wed 26-Dec-12 21:01:36

Yes, perhaps I am just being a bit silly and should have sorted it myself. Probably overthinking it as I am sat here with DS gone to his dads now so a bit lonely and sensitive.
I will follow your idea next year I think.

howdoyouknowjenny Wed 26-Dec-12 20:56:30

My 1st Christmas apart as well and all amicable. I didn't buy exh anything and didn't expect anything either. I bought myself something lovely I've been hankering after that took a little saving for, had the shop wrap it and gave it to Ds to give back to me! We will be following this new tradition until he is old enough to shop alone.
I got something I really wanted and ds was very excited to give mummy a present. Works for us

glitch Wed 26-Dec-12 20:49:47

I assumed that seeing as my DS is only 6 my ex might get something for him to give me for Christmas. So far not even a card from my ex, nothing from my 2 DSS's, but I did get a card from my MIL.

My DS made me a card at school and that is lovely so it's not the gift I am hankering after, more the thought (from STBXH) that perhaps DS would want to get me something.

It is all amicable, everyone still talking and friendly so is he just a bit unthoughtful or mean or am I just being a bit delicate about it? (it is my first year separated).

I bought Dss's, MIL, STBXH cards and pressies and made sure DS had something to give his dad too.

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