Rant needed about stbxh & Xmas

[Ladylou83]

Sorry I just need to vent my annoyance

Stbxh has seen 2yr old dd once in the last 14 weeks, thinks he is father of the year etc amongst our colleagues at work etc. Even though he has been rubbish at seeing dd I arranged with him some contact with her over Xmas as I feel it's important for her to see both parents on Xmas day. He was to have her Xmas eve till 11 on Xmas morning. I was going to collect her from bil (who lives in same town as me). He lives 30 miles away. I get a call from him this morning asking if he can have her in the 23rd aswell which I said yes to as again I know she needs daddy dd time. He then says 'by the way I'm not bringing dd over on Xmas day till 4 in the afternoon as ow doesn't want to leave the cats a long time'.... Wtf?!?

He didn't care that plans are in place for dd, I could like it or lump it. Then ontop of the above says he is having her Boxing Day morning. I'm feeling pissed off, possibly unreasonably so, but none the less I'm annoyed

Can he tell me when he is having considering he has made no efforts to establish any routine for her? It just feels like he shows dd off when his family are about but doesn't care the rest of the time.

Again sorry just needed to vent, I should be happy that he wants to see her but at the mo I'm so annoyed

[cestlavielife]

So your ex.s brother was supposed to bring her to your town on Xmas day at eleven? That was not gonna work right ?

Maybe best is to say, ok fine, but next year I will have her 23 and 24 thru to 25 at four.

Next year she will be so much more into it it will be more fun anyway

[CatchingMockingbirds]

she doesn't want to leave her cats for too long?

[queenofthepirates]

I think you need to explain to him that as the resident parent providing the lion's share of the childcare, it would be more polite for him to ask if these arrangements were suitable for you and your DD.

It seems as though you are bending over backwards to give him access but perhaps establishing a regular routine would be better (e.g. 50/50 access on regular days of the week and every other weekend). If he is not willing to sign up to regular access, which is perhaps in the best interests of both you and your child, I would be inclined to ask him to suggest a pattern of access and get it all down in writing. If he wants to change the plans, he can ask nicely if that is okay with you.

It's early days but I would strongly suggest some boundaries for him. If he wants to toss them in the air, so be it, at least you can show you offered access. Irregular, changable contact is in few people's interests, except perhaps the OW's cats.

[Ladylou83]

We have been seperated since oct 2010 and I've asked him since they if we can get something in place for dd and we've got no where. He doesn't want 50/50, at first every other weekend, then one in 3, now it's meant to be once a month and he hasn't managed that.

I'm going to put my foot down about Xmas day even if I have to go there myself. He is meant to be spending the day with bil hence before it was a happy compromise but again ow cats reign supreme

[SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh]

Keep a diary of everything; if there's no court order in place he doesn't get to call the shots but if it goes to court then a diary will show what a knob he's been.

[BonVoyageCharlieBrown]

I know what id be saying to him and it ends in off. i think you were being very reasonable and generous to start with. He's being totally selfish

[corlan]

So, you do all the hard work of raising your child all year and he gets to breeze in at Christmas and play 'father of the year'?

He doesn't want 50/50. He doesn't want standard access of every other weekend and half the holidays. He just wants to pick her up and put her down when it suits him.

Don't let him do this - it is not in your daughters best interests. When she is older, she will realise what is going on, and she will certainly not want to spend Christmas with someone who hardly bothers with her the rest of the year.

[Cantbelieveitsnotbutter]

Nooooooo! So you get a tired little one whose practically ready for bed just to get up to pack her off again. No no no!
You were very kind in letting him have crimbo morning now he's taking the pee.