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Handling Xmas

(7 Posts)
mowmi Sat 08-Dec-12 17:19:59

My stbxh despite officially still living under same roof (comes home in the middle of the night 1/2 times per week) doesn't see his son, he does no care at all, last saw him around the bathroom door 2 weeks ago, not been in touch to see how he is... Will probably get in touch late tonight to demand he sees his son for the day tomorrow (it's been 3 weeks so surely he's due a kick off at me?)... Getting the gist?
Well I'm sure he's going to get heavy about Xmas day any day soon... I don't want my son going to a woman he's only been with a few weeks, I also don't see why I do All the care and hard stuff and then he takes him away on Xmas day!!
Little one is almost 3 by the way....
Any advice? He's pretty aggressive....

MagicHouse Sun 09-Dec-12 01:06:26

Why is he still officially living with you? Sounds very complicated and difficult for you. Can you talk to him with a third party present? (family friend/ relative?) Perhaps you can suggest you both see him on Christmas day? I think you have to begin by sitting down and talking about things, if that's possible.

Tragedies Sun 09-Dec-12 01:33:17

DD is now 18 and her choice is to have Christmas with me and see her father either before or after. When she was younger, though, we split Christmas day - one year she would be at home with me to open her presents then go to her father for lunch and stay with him for a few days. The next year she would go to him for a few days before Christmas then come home for lunch on Christmas day and have the rest of Christmas at home. I spent part of a lot of Christmases on my own as it was then too far to travel to visit my own family and they would only occasionally visit me. I didn't like it but I felt it very important for DD to see us both on Christmas day. I know that is not possible if long distances are involved.

This is very hard for you. However, unless there are concerns for a child's safety or wellbeing, it is always better for him or her to have a relationship with both parents, even if one of those relationships is intermittent. It would be completely unreasonable for your STBX to be heavy and/or for him to demand anything. I agree with Magic about trying to discuss the matter and make decisions together.

This is a gentle observation - understandably you do not want to be dictated to by your ex. However, you wish to prevent your son meeting your ex's new gf... Whether or not the gf was involved with the break-up of your marriage, she might be a perfectly pleasant, kind woman who could help your ex look after your son or act as a positive influence. You are of course his mother and have the most time with him and are the biggest influence on him and will remain so even if he sees his father.

Is there no prospect of your ex moving out? His being under the same roof yet having another relationship and hardly seeing your son must be very confusing for the boy.

mowmi Sun 09-Dec-12 10:40:58

He refuses to move out despite the divorce proceeding, his stuff is here, he comes back to the house when me and little one are not here.
I am not the one standing in the way of having a relationship with his son, he just chooses not to... Whenever he's asked to have him I have made sure he is available, I made it clear I was unimpressed with his choice to introduce D's to very new gf but I didn't try to stop the contact. He does no care whatsoever despite being off work sick at the moment (well enough to go out, start dating etc... Just to Ill to work!) must be nice to have a wife who cares for your son, holds down a job and pays for the roof above your head...

mowmi Sun 09-Dec-12 19:22:55

Sorry, I do appreciate you all taking the time to impart your advice, feeling sad, cross and upset that another weekend has passed without him seeing his son. Thank heavens little man is little enough to be oblivious!

MagicHouse Sun 09-Dec-12 20:46:37

Sounds really tough for you. I lived with my ex before our house was sold and it was very very stressful and difficult. Keep focusing on you and your son. Is there an end in sight with regard to the living arrangements?

mowmi Sun 09-Dec-12 21:01:45

We're going to court for our first hearing in feb, my solicitor has served him the papers but so far he hasn't acknowledged this so think he is going to ignore it... Which means it will go on and on...!
I am so tired of it all, I'm tired and so sad for my beautiful boy

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