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What is the best way to get out of paying CSA?

(55 Posts)
seaofyou Sat 24-Nov-12 19:57:38

My ex has not pay maintenance for many years and fled from the court orders twice last 12 months ago. As it is the anniversary of a year of not paying it spurred me to have a look how these fathers get out of paying maintenance!

It took me 3 minutes to find an internet site where a father asks

What is the best way to get out of paying CSA?

The first response....

kill her

Two simple words...first response!

there were several others saying to kill the mother too, one saying 'it's the only way!'


I thought my ex was a rather unique Psychopathic Narcissist who left petrol bomb warnings and kicking my door in when he received a court letter or anything! I was wrong! I am so not alone and so sad this is the easy way for some sick bastards to get out of paying for their children!

Wonder if the deadbeat who wrote kill her was my ex?

ilovesouthlondon Mon 20-Nov-17 12:55:08

Scotzgal88 apply for a REMO, which is a reciprocal child maintenance order. It's a free service which chases deadbeat parents who leave the UK to get out of paying for their childrens keep. Just tell them everything you know and they may find him and take him to court, forcing him to pay.

Scotzgal88 Mon 20-Nov-17 12:07:18

My ex hated paying child maintenance but because we eventually went through csa he had to, he used to call it “my money “ as in that’s “your money” in your account hope you enjoy it ! I would reply actually it’s your children’s money and it barely covers food ! He left for Germany and now lucky him doesn’t have to pay a penny , claims he doesn’t work there so doesn’t have money ,doesn’t bother with contact with his kids . Ive read there is ways to get csa through a father that’s moved from uk to Germany but I don’t have any details of where he lives , address etc I only have his phone number , and if he is telling the truth about working which I doubt he is, I wouldn’t be entitled to payments .

Chucklecheeksagain Sun 19-Nov-17 18:56:58

Is a father never texpected to be financially responsible for their child then Punmum?

Or any non resident parent as you do realise it's not always the men?

I can't decide what your angle is, you don't actually make any sense. Bitter, little bit confused and quite mean but no sense.

I have a sneaky feeling your personal situation is blinding you to the basic moral duty of any parent... to emotionally and financially support their child.

Out of curiosity what made you so bitter?

ilovesouthlondon Sun 19-Nov-17 15:05:08

Punmum I bet I'm better educated than you and certainly have more common sense. You are talking pure garbage. How can anyone "sponge" off the other parent for their own child's needs and wants? You're an ediot.

CosmicCanary Sun 19-Nov-17 14:44:38

You have lowered yourself far enough already Panmum there is no lower to go.

It takes 2 people to create a child and the responsibility to raise that child falls to both.
This is not the 1900s and birth control is widley available to both men and women.
If a man does not want a child then it is up to him to ensure he does not impregnate a woman. If abstinence is the only 100% way to do that but he chooses to put his sexual need above that risk then that is his choice. He has not been gorced in anyway.

Why is it you view a mans sexual need above taking responsibility for a child his choices helped create?

Punmum Sun 19-Nov-17 10:20:30

Sadly that's exactly the uneducated and unproductive response I'd expect from someone who agrees that it's a woman's right to freeload from a man and that's always the right thing. How on earth can a woman who's claiming for a child ever be in the wrong? I'm not going to lower myself to swearing at anyone, because as I said in my earlier post, I can hold my head high and have the self respect from paying for my own children and not expecting someone else to pick up the tab. Clearly from all the bitter posts on here the CSA doesn't make for happy relationships. How lovely that mumsnet is inclusive of all views and people can post their opinion without getting sworn at. Grow up ilovesouthlondon, your view isn't always the right one and if you can't accept people have different ones then you shouldn't be posting. Try to calm down, have some decorum and be happy because it doesn't seem like you are.

ilovesouthlondon Sun 19-Nov-17 09:37:19

Punmum STFU

Punmum Sat 18-Nov-17 11:35:54

I think a system where women just get money no questions asked and with no thought or care for the man's life is crazy. I guess there are some legitimate cases but all too often it's a punishment tool by bitter women to punish the man. Why should the children a man lives with and chose to have suffer? It's a bit like prostitution; man has sex, woman gets paid by man. I know my view is controversial but there is another side to this csa system. It's a disgusting binary system that destroys lives. But no one ever talks about that because it's expected that men should shoulder some responsibility. Responsibility that not all men wanted and had it forced upon them. A woman can choose to either have a baby or have an abortion. That's her right. What about if a man doesn't want that child? No rights. Oh except the right to pay for 20 years. Great system.

missisipii Sat 18-Nov-17 11:20:35

If a child had 2 parents
Why don’t both parents pay!
You think that’s a radical idea??

Punmum Sat 18-Nov-17 10:38:04

Reading through this thread has anyone claiming from the csa ever thought of paying for their own children? It's so easy to make the decision to have a child when you don't have to meet the consequences of paying for them because you can just scrounge from the csa? At least I can hold my head up high and say I pay for my own children without having to force someone to pay, how degrading. I can completely understand the frustration of men trapped by that system which is effectively encouraging irresponsible behaviour and ruining lives. I'm amazed by the number of women who think it's an acceptable thing to do! Have some self respect and pay for your children yourself.

chrystal1234 Wed 24-Sep-14 14:37:02

my ex hasnt paid child support for 16 yrs . he has his own buisness and refuses to pay . its been to courts but nothing ever happens,he goes and comes out and just keeps appealing . but the csa have done nothing as they told me theres nothing they can do they cant force him to pay .he has a big house car goes on holidays all the time . but never sees his daughter . so if anyone really wants to avoid paying just have your own buisness and keep appealing .and dont hand over any money.

trustissues75 Wed 02-Jan-13 12:51:10

Bloody phone...

Puts dc on plane to states, lie to judge saying rp kidnapped child and apply for full custody and removal if child to united states thus terrifying the hell out of abandoned patent who has no money to fight...job done.

trustissues75 Wed 02-Jan-13 11:52:03

Quit your job, move to America, refuse to pay maintenance until RP puts dc

trustissues75 Wed 02-Jan-13 11:50:57


InNeedOfBrandyButter Fri 14-Dec-12 19:12:47

iwantanafternoonnap contact the army with his sull name, regiment and number if you have it. They should sort it out for you and pay you direct before paying him.

CatchingMockingbirds Fri 14-Dec-12 18:55:39

Sounds like my ex angry

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 14-Dec-12 18:08:39

catching that is what I thought but the CSA said I have to request to have it recalculated every year and to do it in August when he has to give the last 3 months so all three show on it. Which will be a pain but worth it even for a few pennies as it will annoy him no end...yep still a tad bitter that he has walked away and only gives what he has too while always boasting about holidays on facebook (one mutual friend on facebook) He is on his 4th 5* holiday this year and that doesn't include the weekends away!!

However, I know no amount of holidays can really make up for losing out on your childs life and one day it will bite him in the fecking arse and it'll be too late to come back into DS life.

CheungFun Fri 14-Dec-12 17:42:16

It is totally depressing :-( my Dad used to claim benefits and work on the side so he never paid a pennies maintenance. Arsehole!

CatchingMockingbirds Fri 14-Dec-12 17:40:07

If it comes off his wages then wouldn't it just automatically be increased with his wage increase?

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 14-Dec-12 15:32:54

Does anyone know if they manage to get hold of people if you don't know their address, phone number or email? My ex is in the Army and I don't know where he lives but do know that he gets a pay rise every year and so I want to make sure I get an increase to. I know I am lucky to get anything and it now comes straight out of his wages as he kept messing about but I want to annoy him by getting it increased when his pay goes up every year.

BluebellBangles Fri 14-Dec-12 11:43:54

Ignore all letters and phone calls, and when they eventually track you down (or your ex manages to track you down and inform the CSA as you post all your work details on Facebook hmm) and contact your employer you simply need to just quit your job and either sign on for a while or work somewhere else and the cycle starts all over again.

kittycat68 Thu 13-Dec-12 15:36:20

my ex bought a gift for two of the children but not the third (all his kids) last year for xmas cant wait to see what happens this year (not!)!!

Lookingatclaus Thu 13-Dec-12 13:37:38

I have an ex like mampam's too. He refuses to pay maintenance, and even refused to get dd some Calpol the other night claiming he didn't have £3 for it. She's getting a Kindle for Christmas though hmm. Still, I'm grateful that she is at least getting a gift from him this year as she hasn't for 2 years or for her birthday this year.

MissKeithLemon Thu 13-Dec-12 13:16:14

Ok sanityseeker I see. Thats bloody shocking shock. Have you thought about some sort of claim for interest while they were witholding your money? Just a thought.
I'm no fan of the CSA btw, took me over ten years to get a penny for dd via the CSA. To be fair I never actively persued it for years, but still a bit rubbish on their part nonetheless. Still took nearly two years when I did persue it and that was phoning all the time, providing them with info re addresses and employer etc. I knew that he had a decent job with a large national by then though and the attachment of earnings order has so far been working for over a year now.

Bertie its shit isn't it? I have a friend who's ex works for his family firm. They are part of the ruse to pretend he earns bugger all and shaft his own children

Basically an NRP can duck and dive for years on end if they feel like it. I have been told that arrears never disappear though, so its worth keeping claims open in the hope that one day it catches up with them. I read a thread on MSE site once where a lady was receiving hefty maintenance payments for children that were well into their twenties by that time! Iirc she was using the money to buy frivolous luxuries and the like as a big up yours to the Ex paying it grin

sanityseeker75 Thu 13-Dec-12 13:02:51

MissKeithLemon I agree that this does happen but in the end the CSA admitted it was because I was on manual payment system and that basically meant that someone had to actually sit there and see if payment came in the physically pay out to me and they admitted they did not have resources to do this and that is why I hadn't had money.

On a separate note my DH pays CSA to his ex and they phoned us whilst on holiday with the kids saying that they hadn't received payment and if we did not give bank details there and then they would put him on attachment of earnings - he had always paid by standing order and then because he gave details he ended up making two payments and they refused to pay back over payment. I know some people will go to any lengths to not pay and I find this shocking but CSA are also guilty of not being completely honest also sad

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