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How much do you tell your XH about your DCs?

(93 Posts)
duffybeatmetoit Thu 22-Nov-12 22:04:32

Dh left earlier this year. He speaks to DD on the phone but rarely to me. He occasionally texts but just about contact arrangements. DD has just started school and is pretty tired when he rings her so she doesn't generally say much to him. He doesn't ask me any questions about how she is getting on or what she is doing. I have given him dates for parent's evenings and other events, he told me he would try to come to parent's evening when I gave him the date but didn't mention it again or ask what the teacher had said.

I tell him some things on contact visits just to stimulate conversation between him and DD, but he doesn't initiate anything. Should I be giving him a rundown of her activities or accept that he's not sufficiently interested to ask how she's doing?

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:18:31

Yes Peter I totally believe you hmm

Go read the link.........

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:21:40

You do not have to pay for Womens Aid, you need to be a victim of Domestic Abuse/Violence and have a few problems though. Mines are a stalking ex, abused me, sorry not abused.... was violent towards me, my dc are now messed up big time. Poor dc, we all have weekly counselling.

My ex used to follow me about on here, freaky person that he was, he has moved on now, to abuse, sorry not abuse, be violent to someone else, her dc are all in care now. she chose him over an abuser, sorry not an abuser a DOMINATOR!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:22:53


We cannot all have a similar view? Which part would you like to be spelled out for you?

Me EX hit his children they are terrified of him

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:24:11

Have you ever read 'the Dominator' Peter I think you should, you said you have been abused, it can help men too....

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:31:53

Sorry Peter I did not realise you were a victim of abuse, you really should read the link,it is for men and women, or WA can point you in the right direction but you say you have a counseller, strange you still have the same narrow minded views imo!

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 15:38:07

Yes private through my solicitor. She is supposed to be counseling me to improve my communications with my ex, but since the ex declined to partake I have used the counselor for all aspects of post split advise now that she doesn't have to remain impartial.

The counselor's history is from Women's Aid among other agency's.

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 15:39:34

Correction: "She was supposed to of been counseling both me and my ex on our communications"

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:43:10

I am pleased you are getting some help peter.

I do understand violence can work both ways.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 15:45:17

Many apologies for my earlier comments, my ex used to stalk me via here, it was very UN-nerving and just plain weird and strange, I felt like I had no privacy what so ever!

Never mind though, he has moved on now, onwards and upwards!

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 15:57:36

Sorry Notwanking, wasn't ignoring you. Yes I have read the dominator link and have gone through similar with the counselor. I then wrote quite a bit about the aspects of our relationship where I fitted those 'faces'......I also identified several 'faces' that my ex fitted. We didn't each fit all the faces, and some of them neither of us fitted.....

But we were both represented there, and I am honest enough to see that in me and to ask for help in dealing with my failings. My ex knew that it was all my fault so she never needed to attend the counseling.

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 16:01:56

Quite.....coming on here is supposed to be for me to glean an idea of how the ex might be feeling. If I ask for advise from anyone who knows my situ they give quite strong anti ex views.....I need to be as objective as I can.

The girlfriend things I am mad....

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 16:02:53

'thinks I am mad'

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 16:57:59

Ah so you were both in an abusive relationship?

I wasn't, mine was one-sided, my ex fits all the faces, sadly.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 17:00:08

I'm unsure if you will get an insight into your ex via here, like I say we are all different and all been in different relationships!

Can you not go to meditation or something?

I wasn't relating to you coming here, my ex came here, made up a name and argued with me, he detested me coming here, he was jealous as there were men here...hmm

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 17:32:38

I have to admit I did think my ex was mad, I do not know, I just think he is bastard! Excuse my french!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 17:33:13

now not know....I am dyslexic typist who cannot spell!

Peterpan101 Mon 26-Nov-12 19:38:29

Yes.....WE were in a mutually abusive relationship.....we abused in different ways. Doing the counseling has opened my eyes, even though I didn't intend to actions still had the same effect as if I had!?

Her actions likewise to me, although she cant see that yet (or ever will unfortunately).

My ex.....would think people who need counseling or to use online chat for any cathartic reasons weak!?.....

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 26-Nov-12 20:17:33

Hmm sounds like a nightmare Peter. So I am guessing she doesn't come to places like this then? Some people are just like that iykwim, how old is your dd? Thankfully you only have one as they get caught up the friction at home too, poor children...

My ex cannot come near me via an injunction, horrid man!

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