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Venting again in my 'safe' place <sigh> Fucking Fucking Arse!

(13 Posts)
bananaistheanswer Sat 17-Nov-12 23:19:22

Background 1st - DD is 7 and developed atopic eczema at about 3/4 mths old. This was managable up until she was about 3 (not long after we split) when said fuckwit ex allowed his g/f's sister to paint DD's face with the sort of face paint that was more like paint stripper. angry Fucking arse. Anyhoo.

Since then, DD's face has been the worst area for her eczema, her eyes and around her mouth get really dry/sore/cracked skin and at various times it's been bad/not so bad but never cleared up. I've spent months/years with her at dermatology clinics, speaking to doctor/nurse etc. trying various combinations of creams/ointments etc. trying to get a grip on things. It's been established that either she'll grow out of it (at some point, still waiting) or we just have to manage is as best we can. I've got a combo of washes and creams that we use, and as long as her skin is maintained it's OK - gets worse in extreme weather i.e. really hot/really cold, but again we just adjust and get on with it. DD herself is really sensitive about it as her friends at school point out her skin when it's bad, and it's been a battle getting her to manage her skin herself at school which is where it's hard to keep it moisturised so it gets worse etc.

<breathes>

Through all this, ex clearly doesn't listen to a word I say. He has said few times he doesn't think her cream is working anymore. Because it's not 'curing' her face problems. He now thinks he's 'cured' the flare ups on her hands with some body shop body butter shite (with glitter no less). So announces that he's going for some more, without the glitter, for her face. <head desk> There is so fucking little that she'll tolerate on her face as everything stings and the only thing she will tolerate is the fucking cream we use. The stuff he thinks just makes her face look greasy. <head butts desk with gusto>

He sees her sporadically but is claiming the shite he's put on her hands arms every couple of months has magically cured her. Never been to the dermatology clinic to actually hear what the nurse/doctor has told me. Repeatedly. And her hands have got better because I make sure she doesn't use soaps, moisturises with her cream etc.

And of course, when the shite he buys causes her face to flare up, who will be the one to have to deal with the tears, frustrations and endless rubbing/scratching that will inevitably follow? Yup, muggins here.

It's just the sheer stupidity of the man that riles me at times. My fucking thumbs are sore from texting and trying, yet again, to explain why that isn't a good idea, and that actually, if he just actually washed her while at his, applied some cream overnight, topped up in the morning and reminded her to wash her hands after touching his dog/dog toys, then maybe her skin wouldn't flare up as much.

<sigh>

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 17-Nov-12 23:23:16

Awful. And I can't even say LTB because you already have!

Could you get something in writing from the dermatologist? Would that make him pay attention?

I hope your DD gets some relief. Excema is v difficult and uncomfortable to live with.

LadyMetroland Sat 17-Nov-12 23:24:20

Oh dear, don't know anything really about eczema but this does sound really frustrating.

Perhaps speaking to him in person rather than texting may have more impact. Also forcing him to come to a dermatology appointment to listen to expert advice.

bananaistheanswer Sat 17-Nov-12 23:34:10

I was speaking to him on the phone earlier but he kept saying he couldn't hear me, then cut me off. I've been frantically texting trying to get across why he shouldn't buy the body butter crap, and smear it all over her face before I get her back tomorrow. She's been discharged from dermatology as there is nothing more they can do, we have the creams that we've worked out work the best, and all we can do is manage it. He would never take time off work to attend the clinic, that just wouldn't happen no matter how much I tried to get him there.

I just get so bloody irritated when he does this - he's said a few times the cream isn't working, and lo and behold, DD stops wanting to use the cream. He thinks he knows better, 'cos the glitter in the cream he bought catches the light and makes her skin 'look better' FFS!

I just need to vent a little. It drives me nuts!

MakeItALarge Sun 18-Nov-12 01:31:00

What a dick. My dc have dry skin, not eczema, I used my body shop stuff on them once as we'd run out of normal stuff and the rash they got was bloody awful, I cant imagine how much it must aggrivate your dd.

I dont think there is anything you can do to make him see sense, give him the creams she's supposed to use and hope for the best sad

Unless he has a gf you could speak too who might see sense?

nailak Sun 18-Nov-12 02:33:23

my bro had really bad eczema, his face used to literally come out in bubbles, and he used to end up hospitalised. He used to take his clothes of in school as they irritated him. But now he has totally grown out of it and has no eczema at all. What worked for him to control it was cutting out milk for a few years, but from about 7 he drank milk and was fine.

just something to give you some hope she may grow out of it.

B1ueberryS0rbet Sun 18-Nov-12 09:15:49

That sounds awful. Your poor daughter. You can't have him disregarding the care that's been recommended for her.

Does the body shop cream really have glitter in it though? It's not hemp creme from the body? That is a kind of khaki colour and stinks of mold. It wouldn't appeal to a little girl/.

My son's eczema was nowhere near as bad as your dd's and it was only on his legs, but although i was being told not to use so much steroid cream I found I was using them all the time. Eventually I just went cold turkey on the steroids and used only the hemp cream. Of course this could have coincided with growing out of it.

B1ueberryS0rbet Sun 18-Nov-12 09:17:55

ps, ididn't just do that randomly, i had read a recommendation on fb.

seaofyou Sun 18-Nov-12 11:14:20

Do not speak to this man again...go get a solicitor experienced in Family Law to send him a letter that the creams prescribed by the Specialist demo Consultant is needed to be used and NOTHING else.

This is classed as ABUSE!

My ex was feeding ds foods with ingredient ds was allergic too and ds on prescibed special bread by GP. I was entitled to then demand contact at contact centre but I would have to pay though. Funny he stopped seeing ds then as he couldn't abuse his ds under supervision, possibly the only reason he wanted access!

Same in your situation he is not listening to medical advice and not giving prescribed medication which is 'physical abuse'.

If you want to save money on solicitor you could get Consultant to write letter but this may spark off Social Services and don't know if you would want them involved with this.

seaofyou Sun 18-Nov-12 11:18:26

PS you could phone NSPCC for advice too but they will tell you it is abuse/neglect too!

MrsTomHardy Sun 18-Nov-12 11:44:50

Good post from Seaofyou

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 18-Nov-12 13:16:14

You can get a court order designed to just deal with this issue, perhaps if you write to him stating that its considered to be abuse and if he does it again you will go to court he may stop.

If he won't stop you may have to reconsider his contact

bananaistheanswer Sun 18-Nov-12 13:21:37

Thanks for the replies. Ill see how she is on her return. If she comes in with puffy red eyes and mouth like sand paper then ill need to 'get tough' over this. If she's ok then ill know the texts (epic though they were) have actually got through. The test is what he'll do with her in town as they are now heading to a major shopping area for Xmas parade. If he buys more of that shite body butter I might just lob it at his head as he walks away.grin

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