I have two girls, aged 6 & 9, I have nursed them beyond toddlerhood, worn them in slings, and generally parented them in as gentle and respectful way as I can. I work three days a week, and they go to school, so our day has to run to a certain imposed structure, so sometimes they have to do something and there's no flexibility.
I am finding it increasingly difficult to get them to do basic daily routine stuff. As littleys they were easy to distract and bring around to my idea, I could get them to do stuff without being authoritative or dictating, but I'm finding that as they get older no amount of explaining what we need to do and why actually makes any difference. I ask them nicely, I explain, in terms they understand, why we need to do stuff, I ask nicely again, I remind them that the deadline (ie: for leaving for school on time) is approaching, but nothing makes any difference.
The only thing that actually gets them to shift and do what's
being asked of them is when I yell. And I mean really yell. Then they jump, and cry and get angry with me for shouting at them and scaring them. But over and over again I ask them nicely and they just ignore me.
I'm really struggling. I've removed all privileges, tv, computer, even tried taking away certain toys, but I find these types of sanctions counter productive, Not only do they shout and rage at me for "being mean" and taking these things away, but I then find they fight and argue more between themselves, and pester me when I am trying to get household chores done.
I don't want obedient, unquestioning little robots, I want them to be free thinking and independent individuals. But I also need them to accept that bedtime is bedtime, teeth need to be brushed morning and evening, and school starts at 9, no matter how much they "just need to do XXXX" at 8.45. I don't want to bark at them like a Sgt Major, but it's the only thing that actually gets through to them. Why, now that they are actually old enough to reason with, do they ignore all reasoning??
Does anyone else have children of this age or older, and how did you deal with this kind of thing?
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Gentle parenting help please.
21 replies
Ileithyia · 16/11/2012 10:53
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