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DP has just told me he doesn't want to be with me. On my own with DD again,,

(20 Posts)
rahrahthelion Sun 11-Nov-12 21:38:49

I'm still in shock I think but panicking about what the hell I'm going to do! I used to have a fairly high paid job which I left in the summer to spend more time with my six year old... I do some part time stuff and use savings and I was so happy with how it had improved mine and her relationship. Now I might have to go back to full time work to support us. But if I go back I will earn too much to get benefits but to my mind not enough to cope alone with Berkshire house prices and cost of living... so I mightbe better off not working, but I don't want to be trapped by that as obviouslyit couldn't go on forever and nor would I want it to... I can't bear totell her not only is she losing her step dad and we have to move, but I will also haveto go back to working really long hours and being stressed. I'm majorly panicking... Ifeel like I can'tbreath,

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 01:04:10

Hi, first things first, stop panicking, you can do this!

I started college in September, having previously been a full time Mum. The children weren't convinced at first, but now that we have settled into a routine we are all managing (although some days are better than others)

Money is a tricky one, maybe cab or a similar service could advise you?

Finally I see you are in Berkshire, me too, would you mind me asking where abouts? I'm in reading.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 12-Nov-12 01:15:03

Take some deep breaths, you will be OK x

Definitely go and see the people at the CAB and see if they can help you work it out, then look at the long term view.

There has to be a point at which it's financially better to be working - you just need to see if you can earn that. Or less hours at work/more benefit.

But, the other thing you have to consider is that you have only been 'out of work' since September, there's never going to be a better time to get back into a job than now, but that might not be your biggest deciding factor, it's hard isn't it.

The other thing is, your time wont be split between your ex and your DD anymore, so you'll probably find you have more quality time with her than you did when you were together (before you left your job at least). Things are different when there's only the two of you, more relaxed and easier generally. She's only little so I assume she's in bed pretty early, so if you focus on her when she's up and do any jobs when she's in bed, you might not find it too bad.

Don't take him back!!!

Dottiespots Mon 12-Nov-12 01:27:01

You ok? How you feeling about your partner not wanting to be with you and did he say why.? Of course your in shock....omg....who wouldnt be.

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 01:53:49

I'm in reading too... I'm so sad I can't imagine not sharing our live together

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 01:56:59

I know how you feel, but it does pass, I promise!

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:04:45

I don't know. It's just such an awful thought that he doesn't love me. I thought that of all the undependable things in life, his love was something I knew would always be.
I feel like I want to know exactly when he stopped loving me so I can know which memories are bullshit. Weird we're both in reading... Where are your kids? Not the one on L starting with R!? Sorry can't message on phone

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:12:16

I know, when the boys Dad left I was gutted, genuinely thought we'd be together for ever sad

No not there, I think that's the other side of town, if I've got it right! I'm at the college side, boys go to st j

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:16:38

I ^ think^ I've pmd you, I've only ever replied to messages before!

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:16:56

No it's opposite st J's. dd will be going to st J's after school club when I have to go back to work which I guess is inevitable

How do you get through this!? I asked him if he had ever had this to deal with himself and he said no. I feel so pathetic. I've never understood how one can love so much and the other not - it has always seemed that love needed love if that makes sense. I'm so embarrassed. He doesn't want me sad

Yogagirl17 Mon 12-Nov-12 02:17:06

Hi rahrah, just wanted to offer some support. When my marriage ended last year I never saw it coming & didn't know how i would get through it. it's been bloody hard but you WILL get through it. You have your lovely DD and you will find a way to look after her and yourself. And there will be life without him - a good life. You can do this.

Yogagirl17 Mon 12-Nov-12 02:18:46

Oh rahrah, don't be embarrassed. Don't ever be emabarrased for loving someone. Being able to love someone so much is a wonderful thing. You know you have that in you to give. He hasn't taken that from you.

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:19:15

Looking again I think we are the same side of town, opposite sides of the junction

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:20:55

And I keep thinking of all the things I should have done, or not done. Like, cut my toenails in front of him... Or maybe I should have been more tidy in the house.. I know it sounds stupid but right now I'd just be anything he wanted me to be if it meant he'd love me again.

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:21:41

Ahh, cross posts! My two go to after school club once a week, it's fab there! Do is your dd at n? Or r?

Don't be embarrassed, loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of!

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:22:23

Thank you Yoga. I hope so. sad

X posts I think Golden. If you see a sobbing stranger wandering about in the street later today it's probably me

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:23:03

She's at R

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:24:45

If I see a sobbing stranger in the street I'll see if she needs coffee

rahrahthelion Mon 12-Nov-12 02:26:56

smile - that's way too smiley for how I feel but you know what i mean, thanks

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 02:29:07

You're welcome, I think people used to cross the road to avoid me I cried so much

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