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When you split with children's step parent... how to manage

(8 Posts)
rahrahthelion Sun 11-Nov-12 21:34:21

I am very newly (tonight!) seperated from my dp. I'm feeling sick and numb and shocked but the one thing that I can think about it how the hell to protect my six year old DD who has only ever known life with him in it. They are not particulary close, I wouldn't say. She is close with her own Dad so DP never had to be that for her. Saying that though, she is very fond of him and I know she will be upset... she will also worry about me, which I don't want. I can't bear the thought of so much on her little shoulders.

I really thought this was it, my little family. Now this comes from no where. How will I manage on my own..? (will do a different thread for that at some stage.

fortyplus Sun 11-Nov-12 21:36:51

This will all depend on how you handle the split. I would say first thing would be to tell him that despite what's happening between you, you hope that he will remain part of her life. He may feel that you wouldn't want him around her.

fortyplus Sun 11-Nov-12 21:37:15

Is there anyone else involved?

rahrahthelion Sun 11-Nov-12 21:41:00

No one else involved. I want him to be a part of her life, but how realistic is taht... I mean, when he meets someone new she's not going to be happy with him hanging out with his ex and her kid I wouldn't have thought. He says he wants to remain friends. But they all say that to start with.

How do I/ we tell her?

BertieBotts Sun 11-Nov-12 21:42:46

If he phases out contact slowly, it won't be as bad for her I don't think? How long had you been together?

I'm sorry you're going through this sad

rahrahthelion Sun 11-Nov-12 21:43:58

Five years. I'm so upset.

VBisme Sun 11-Nov-12 21:47:06

I think it's best to tell her together if that's at all possible. And yes, phasing out contact is probably best.

My SSs were hurt when my DH ex split with her DP and they never saw him again (they been together 3 years). 3 years later they still talk about him to DH and me.

Yes, and sorry you're going through this.

FannyBazaar Sun 11-Nov-12 21:58:33

I still keep in touch with an XP I was seeing for a year, he was very close to my DS so we keep in touch although not as much as we used to, maybe only 3 or 4 times a year at most but it was more frequent in the beginning. He has a new partner but when we meet up it is always with kids now and usually meet on neutral ground. It's great for my DS to not have him disappear altogether.

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