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Anyone else not feel like a proper family?

(17 Posts)
InNeedOfBrandy Sun 11-Nov-12 20:19:05

I can't really describe it but say your all sat at the table eating it's not like a family all yabbering on and laughing it's quiet in my house and not how I pictured my family. (before anyone says it yes I do talk to my children I ask them random questions and we talk about the day but it's eating nothing special)

Other things to like going out to eat, unless I'm with a friend and her dc I get bored. Or the park, I see dads and mums at the park both playing with their dc and get really jealous.

Please excuse my rambling just wondered if anyone else feels the same and posts instances I can relate to.

kinkyfuckery Sun 11-Nov-12 20:21:23

I feel much more like a family with just me and my two DCs than I ever did when their father was with us.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 11-Nov-12 20:23:08

We have always been on our own apart from 6 months with a knob a couple of years ago.

How would you explain feeling like a family though?

mellowdramatic Sun 11-Nov-12 20:26:39

I really miss being a full family. I know people say families come in all shapes and sizes but I can't see it that way. I find it worst on days out when there's lots of families about. And birthdays/christmas/holidays/weekends. I used to take mine out on my own for meals but it's not the same so I've given up on that. We get by but it's not the same.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 11-Nov-12 20:35:26

Yes mellow! Like I feel I have to go to my mums christmas because theres not enough of us and I need adult convo where as if I had a husband I wouldn't have to go out we could do our own family thing.

It also annoys me everyday I cook, clean, bath the dc, and do the dishes I am so fed up of washing up every single night argh.

DoubleYew Sun 11-Nov-12 23:48:34

I just don't bother doing the washing up every night smile. How old are your children? DS is only 2 so a while before he starts pulling his weight.

I do feel like you sometimes but I'm trying to be more positive. A lot of husbands are dull or irritating some of the time, so there are good things about not having to put up with that. I'm going to do christmas ourselves this year, make it just about the two of us.

I do miss adult conversation but there is always MN.

avenueone Mon 12-Nov-12 00:23:49

I relish the peace and have people round when I want it louder..x

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 12-Nov-12 09:40:58

They are 5 and almost 7, they do pull their weight and have jobs. Last half term they even polished my skirting boards and all the doors because they wanted to. I am just moaning at the relentless monotone of it all. I have to remind myself husbands are not all that and bring even more stress.

Wine is the only thing that helps me be positive. I don't just want a random husband I think I'd be happier if me and the dc had more friends with dc that we saw for meals out, bowling, days out and round each others houses ect.

duffybeatmetoit Mon 12-Nov-12 12:39:38

I know exactly how you feel Inneed. I've only been dumped for a few months but I seem to see happy families all around me doing all those routine things together. There are no single parents other than me living in our village so I feel very lonely and a failure. My 5 yr old pointed at a picture of the 3 of us (her, me and XH) messing around on the wedding day recently and said "that's how it's supposed to be mummy". I could only agree sad

Meglet Mon 12-Nov-12 12:48:35

It changes day to day.

When I see families in the park who are cleary mid-row I am more than happy doing my own thing with the DC's. And when I take them out for a meal on my own and they behave (not always) then I am smuggy Mcsmug grin, expecially if there are 2 parent families with kids who are messing around at the table.

My control freak tendencies do come into their own now I'm a LP. It's very very hard and it never gets easier but we're doing ok.

This year I am looking at the possibility of being just us 3 for Xmas day as I don't want to go to my stepmums house again. Not sure which will be for the best, if we stay at home I might be climbing the walls but it will be less stressful than her house hmm.

And I don't wash up / clean the kitchen every night, my kitchen is a bombsite today. I have to step back from some things as I don't want to burn out. I do it when I have time & energy.

YourHandInMyHand Mon 12-Nov-12 12:51:59

I know what you mean about the sitting around the table, I only have one dc and as he is autistic sometimes after coming home from school overwhelmed and over stimulated he doesn't want to talk full stop. Its a regular thing for us to eat tea in silence. sad (I do try to make conversation but sometimes his sanity needs a bit of quiet time).

I grew up with 2 siblings and miss the chatter I think. When I lived with ex he had 2 older boys and people were always popping in and out. Just me and ds is not what I am used to.

On the other hand though I do enjoy it just being the 2 of us in that we have a lovely close bond, only have ourselves to think of so go off on adventures and do stuff together. We have meals out, days out, and holidays together. My relationship with his dad was awful but no one looking in would have known so I tend to look at other couples and consider that they may not be happy.

YourHandInMyHand Mon 12-Nov-12 12:54:48

I have the washing up bowl in a cupboard under the sink and put all the pots in there. I only wash up when it's full and I start putting pots next to the sink! blush As there are only two of us sometimes it can take over 24 hours to fill the bowl. I hate washing up! Also on DS's swimming lesson night we have chippy chips off paper plates so I always have 1 night a week when I know I won't be cooking or washing pots.

autumnfrost Mon 12-Nov-12 13:13:58

You said wine was the only thing that made you feel positive.Do you feel you are drinking too much ?

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 12-Nov-12 14:17:27

No autumn I am not a alcoholic I don't have enough money for wine every weekend let alone every night. But when I can get my £5 bottle of blossom hill I have a drink at home on a friday have the radio on, cook a nice treat dinner for me and the dc, watch a film and be happy enough to tidy up after. It lifts the drudgery of my life.

duffey I'm getting lonely to, think it's a combination of winter's coming and christmas.

meg I love it when mine are so well behaved compared to a 2.4 dc family type. <joining you on the smug mum bench> <doesn't happen all that often>

yourhand that is a good idea but I have a thing about dishes. My flat can be a bombsite as long as my beds made every morning and dishes are done everynight. If I let it pile up I'd never get round to doing it.

I am going to get in some paper plates and do a no washing up night once a week. Very very good idea!

DoubleYew Mon 12-Nov-12 16:37:44

I'm like that about washing clothes.

Can you try and make friends with your children's friends' parents so you have other families to hang out with?

YourHandInMyHand Mon 12-Nov-12 17:25:12

I don't mind washing clothes but I try not to even think about ironing!

Do try out paper plate night, I love it. grin

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 12-Nov-12 18:20:00

I don't mind clothes. and I like ironing but again a glass of wine and a film helps the ironing go down nicely

Double I have quite a few friends. I have a few best friends since school but they don't have dc, the school gate friends I have are very school based so yes we walk on the school runs and see each other at school parties but it hasn't gone further then that. I have a friend who I go out for lunch with and see her and dc quite regular for bowlin/softplay and meals out.

There is a mum who's ds has just started reception and she lives on my street. We say hello and I know we can be friends if that makes sense but I don't know how to start from hellos because we keep seeing each around to friends.

Paper plate night is going to become a staple in my house!

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