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AIBU to think that ExP is BU?

(7 Posts)
SingingSilver Wed 07-Nov-12 22:20:56

My ExP has been out of work for 4 years. We have a DS, nearly 16. For three and a half years he gave me no child support even though he was going on holidays, running a car, owns a house, and had cashed in various policies. Finally I insisted, and he agreed to give me £10 a week. Not much I know, but it took weeks to get him to agree to that! DS turns 16 in Christmas week, and ExP has always treated his birthday like an afterthought. He never even mentions it till I bring it up. So, as part of our financial agreement he agreed to help me with the Christmas budget. DS would like an iPad among other things. ExP said he could put in £100. I agreed to that. Then he added I could get DS's birthday present out of it too. I said (as I do every year) that the two things were seperate and I wasn't going to buy his birthday present for DS. His response 'Oh, well I'll just get him something tiny then.' That sentence has my blood boiling. If I wasn't posting here I would be writing a rather abusive email right now!

So, AIBU, and as I am going to bring this up with him anyway, do you have any advice on how can I handle it civilly? Thank you.

corlan Wed 07-Nov-12 22:41:26


We live in a society where men can behave like this and not feel ashamed, when they should really be shunned by all decent people and spat on as they pass by.

My XP has just told me he won't be giving any money to support his daughter this month because, if he did ,he would have to 'starve'. The guy is 4 stone overweight - it would take him months to starve to death and, to be honest, I'd quite like to see him give it a go angry

I have no useful advice only perhaps you could remind him that your son is at an age where he will judge his father for his actions and the damage done may never be repaired.

SingingSilver Wed 07-Nov-12 22:48:59

Sympathies Corlan. The funny thing is I agreed to have a child with XP because he was so caring and we had been together ages, then as soon as DS was born it was like he'd been given a much asked for toy but then decided he didn't want it any more. He couldn't get away fast enough. And I'm left with the 'stigma' of being a lone parent!

I suppose I'm just going to have to let it go, as I always do, or deal with histrionics on the doorstep and his mother calling me and telling me I'm a gold-digger....

corlan Wed 07-Nov-12 22:58:26

A gold-digger - for £10 a week!!! She hasn't kept up with inflation has she?

SingingSilver Wed 07-Nov-12 23:40:38

lol no! But he tells her his own version of events. It's sad really, she never sees our DS because she's so bitter and twisted by the lies he tells her.

I suppose we should just both hope that our XPs find consciences in their stocking s this Christmas! I feel better for venting, thanks smile

cestlavielife Thu 08-Nov-12 11:15:23

i think you should separate exp's presents to ds from yours - sop let him buy ds whatever and you get him the ipad and make sure ds knows it is from your hard eaned money.

ds is old enough now leave him to sort out his relationshiop with exp.

DoubleYew Thu 08-Nov-12 19:10:31

We live in a society where men can behave like this and not feel ashamed, when they should really be shunned by all decent people and spat on as they pass by.

I so agree with you there. Had a very depressing chat today with another lp who wasn't going to make a fuss by bringing up maintenance again as atleast ex was seeing their child now. Everyone including professionals there agreed! Its up to her what she does of course by why should men (and the vast majority are men) get away with this behaviour? While so many women do most of the parenting, most of the paying plus keeping these men happy so they will agree to some contact. While also enjoying the stigma of being responsible for ruining society on top.

OP, I agree, he gets his own presents.

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