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what do you do when your child is at their dads?

(30 Posts)
cheesestrung Sat 03-Nov-12 15:26:37

Just wondering what others do? do you get lonely or enjoy the time?

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 03-Nov-12 15:29:02

My son goes up to 3 nights a week sometimes 4. I get lonely quickly.

Though I do enjoy a long bath with shitty magazines.

Tonight I'm going to a bonfire party which I cant wait for. I normally record things through the week to watch when my son goes.

HoolioHallio Sat 03-Nov-12 16:09:38

Mine don't have overnights at present but if they did I'd have a long lie in, then a peaceful wander round the shops then either get my dancing shoes on and head into town with my single friends OR stock up on munchies and watch what I want on TV all night, with a few glasses of wine. Then another lie in on Sunday and a huge Sunday roast without cries of 'Carrots are not NICE' or 'her yorkshire is bigger than mine' grin

I can dream!!!!!

Happylander Sat 03-Nov-12 16:33:08

I stayed in pyjamas the last time from Friday until just before he was dropped back off. I ate shite and drank wine LOL

mamalovesmojitos Sat 03-Nov-12 16:44:14

Usually only amounts to a few hours. I clean up, or do jobs that dd hates accompanying me to. Batch cook. Grocery shop.

If it's an overnight to my mums, or xp occasionally, I go out with friends for drinks.

EdsRedeemingQualities Sat 03-Nov-12 16:46:07

I worry. I hate it. I try and keep ds2 occupied. That's about it. But it tends to go quickly - though he calls me all the time so I have to be within reach of the phone for four hours.

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 16:52:24

I get lonely very quickly. I usually sleep in her bed. I sit and wonder how everything turned out so shit.

PepeLePew Sat 03-Nov-12 17:09:35

I read, shop, go to the cinema or a gallery, see friends and go for long long long walks (with a map and a compass and a thermos of coffee). I do the housework, watch box sets and read the

smokinaces Sat 03-Nov-12 17:13:08

Puds sad is yours relatively new breakup?

Mine vary. Last night I did some christmas shopping then drunk wine and watched shit TV before MNetting this morning and dumping the boyfriend. Then Ive spent the day in slobby clothes doing 2 OU assignments and FBnig and MNing.

Last weekend I went away with the girls for a night in a hotel

end of the month I'm going out to get drunk and eat Chinese with friends.

I like my own company though, and after 3 years although I miss my boys I do trust they are ok and happy.

PepeLePew Sat 03-Nov-12 17:15:27

...oops. Read the paper. I love my time alone, and feel it gives me the energy I need to be a better parent when I have the dcs.

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 19:13:18

Yes smoking, he moved out 3 weeks ago. I know it will get better, but just feel incredibly sad at the moment.
My health isn't great at the moment and im struggling to decide whether to continue with my final year of uni or not.

smokinaces Sat 03-Nov-12 19:27:15

Oh puds. I remember how hard those first few months were. I cried everywhere believe me. Do you have friends nearby to sit with you and a bottle of wine?

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 19:29:32

Yes i do, but i feel guilty having them keep me company. They can't really relate to what i'm going through because they are younger than me and have never been in a situation like this. When i say that i feel so disappointed in myself they don't really understand what i mean.

smokinaces Sat 03-Nov-12 19:54:47

I know what you mean - mine were happily married so spent a lot of time worried it was contagious!!

The wine and company does help though. As does crying.

And I will also say counselling. I had twelve sessions over the four months after my ex left. And it really really helped.

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 20:06:59

I cry a lot! Its ridiculous. A friend has suggested CBT, my ex was abusive in more ways than one, so i think maybe it would be helpful. I also have a lot of issues from my childhood that i think i need to confront before i get into a new relationship, however i really crave male companionship. I love cuddles and affection.

mellowdramatic Sat 03-Nov-12 20:08:36

If you still have free time after cleaning/ironing/shopping then why not check out your leisure centre gym? Great for socialising from what friends say - although i don't feel I have enough time to do it myself! If you feel sad exercise will help you stay focussed. Leisure centres usually let you pay each time you go rather than on contract.

mellowdramatic Sat 03-Nov-12 20:11:55

I think most lps find the transition hard - you go from noise and not having a minutes peace to not knowing what to do with yourself (even tho you might have a long to do list!).

Have been to the pics a few times on my lonesome which is quite a nice treat.

dysfunctionalme Sat 03-Nov-12 20:24:29

I work late one night then either go out or get a early night.

The other is a weekend, I try to get everything done - housework, errands, sit in a cafe in peace, meet up with friends etc - and usually wear myself out! I don't miss them particularly and enjoy the quiet.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 03-Nov-12 20:36:16

Working and cleaning are how I occupy myself.
Puds ExH moved out 1st July so very recently have been where you are, I did a lot of crying peaking on my 40th birthday in September when I cried for nearly two days including at work. After that it got better and I haven't cried since then.
I bought myself a lovely new pair of PJs, created a new going to bed ritual ( I listen to radio 4 extra), I am knitting again (he hated me doing this) and I have baked an awful lot of cakes.
I am lucky I have my wonderful pets who are excellent company and in the really bad times all three of them slept on my bed (2cats and 1 medium dog).

cheesestrung Sat 03-Nov-12 20:40:43

thanks for your replies. I hate the loneliness but know this is more a feeling inside iyswim... it is possible to be on your own but not feel lonely, although i do at the moment :-( I could go out, but i havent today.. does anyone else lose track of time/what day it is lol?? tell me it isnt just me.. i forget when i have done stuff and i dwell on things due to spending time alone. Feels like my life isnt real?

TheDogsRolex Sat 03-Nov-12 20:42:34

Dd never sees her dad so it's not often i'm without both kids. On the odd occasion that ds is at his dad's and she goes to my aunt's I generally mope about and feel lonely!

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 20:47:36

I just feel too young to be in the position i am in. Its not what i ever expected for my life and im finding it hard to come to terms with. That and the fact that my first proper relationship was such a bad one.

smokinaces Sat 03-Nov-12 20:50:58

Puds I was 26 with two kids under three when my ex left. Some friends hadn't even got married and I was out the other side sad

FawkesoidOrganisoid Sat 03-Nov-12 20:58:10

I used to get very lonely but adjusted after a while.

Have a bath without them needing a poo or wanting to get in with me

Go shopping. Even if I don't buy anything a leisurely stroll around shops and a coffee is nice.

A few times I bought a magazine and went to sainsburys for breakfast.

I have a boyfriend now so usually spend the time with him but the first couple of years I mostly spent my child free time alone with the occasional trip to stay with friends or night out with local friends.

This weekend I've been on my own so got an early night last night, went shopping today then came home and got straight into pjs and have been reading, watching tv, mning ever since. Tomorrow I'll do a little bit of cleaning and maybe pop to supermarket before they get back. I see it as an opportunity to recharge.

puds11 Sat 03-Nov-12 21:12:20

It just seems so unbelievable.

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