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WWYD in this situation?

(25 Posts)
BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 20:51:11

in january EXp informed me that he would be reducing the amount of child maintenance by £50 per month because he and his DP were buying a house and the dcs would be staying at his house every weekend. it hit me hard because it was exactly the same time as the HB cuts took effect and i was suddenly over £100 down per month. added to the fact he gave me 1 days notice of this and it meant i went over agreed overdraft, it really affected my finances as i incurred charges. i was quite upset but i could understand his reasoning so i didn't dispute it. since then he has bought his house (in april) gotten engaged and just today turned up in a new BMW but the dcs have been to stay at his house a total of 10 nights and the child maintenance has continued to drop without notice til now when it is now £100 less than it was in january, going down by £10 or £20 at a time. when it first happened i asked him why it was less and he said that he had been off work sick (this is true) so he hadn't earnt as much. i accepted that. the next time it happened i asked him again and he mumbled an answer about pay cuts and not being on the ship (he's in the navy). it's now happened again and TBH i dont even know if it's worth asking him why as i dont think he would tell me the truth. i dont know anything about how much he would be earning or whether he'll have had a pay cut. but i do know that car he rocked up in today wasn't cheap. i'm considering contacting the CSA but i dont want to rock the boat and make things bad when we have sort of being getting on. do the CSA ask for proof of his income or do they just take his word for it that what he tells them is right? i'm now getting £100 less per month for the dcs than i was 10 months ago and things really aren't getting any cheaper. tbh it pissed me off today when i saw his new car. he told me he was getting a runaround, i really wasn't expecting what turned up.

anyway. what do you think i should do? ask him or just go to CSA?

NotaDisneyMum Wed 31-Oct-12 20:57:12

If you have an idea of his salary, I'd put it into the CSA calculator and work out how much you'd get - if its significantly more than he's paying now, then it's probably worth contacting them; he'll have to provide 3 payslips so they'll know how much he's getting.

How can he have the DCs every weekend if he's going to be at sea?

SuePurblybilt Wed 31-Oct-12 21:02:06

CSA. If he's Navy I guess you can make a good guess at his salary?
Do you want the DCs to go to him every weekend? Do they want to? Seems like quite a lot.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:04:01

i have no idea what his salary is or might be.

he told me he had handed his notice in at work and was moving back home and buying this house, he bought the house but was several weeks before he even took the dcs to see it so i asked him when he finished work for good and he told me april next year! he had already reduced the maintenance amount by then and he's is the sort that when he knows i really need the cash he will hold it off me for longer (he has done this!) so i hate asking him about it because i feel like i am begging and lets him know i really need it. he comes home for leave and can be here 10 days but will only have the dcs overnight once in that time.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Wed 31-Oct-12 21:06:08

OK, this man is a prick and it's no good expecting him to suddenly stop being one. Set the CSA on him. You can't trust him, and trying to do so is a waste of time.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:06:20

no, i dont want the dcs to go every weekend and if history is anything to go by, neither does he. but i know exactly what would happen if i said no to it, he would go to solicitors and start demanding custody of the dcs. so i say yes and then let him not follow through on it. he never does.

NotaDisneyMum Wed 31-Oct-12 21:07:02

If he's planning to be unemployed in the next few months, don't go to the CSA because by the time they've assessed him - you'll get nothing.

stick with what you have now - at least you're getting something, but try and budget so you don't need it to keep a roof over your head or feed the DCs.

SuePurblybilt Wed 31-Oct-12 21:07:18

I know how it feels - my Ex owes since July but finds enough to pay all his other bills, drink, fags etc etc - but the CSA will only go on what he earns. They won't care if he's bought a new car/had a holiday or whatever. And yes, they can find out what he earns - just if you know it makes it easier to get a figure to see if you'd be better off.
but if he's fucking about withholding money or making you ask again and again, I'd CSA all the way - even if I was slightly down on amounts.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:07:29

what i mean is, there is no way he will want them every weekend, or even 2 weekends in a row so it does no harm for me to say yes to it when saying no would kick up a load of grief for me.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:09:22

good point nota the only thing is, he'll stop the payments anyway as soon as he's left his job so i'll not be getting anything then anyway.

Daddelion Wed 31-Oct-12 21:09:30

I'd say go to the CSA.

Any money he doesn't become unemployed. And if he does you won't get the money anyway.

SorrelForbes Wed 31-Oct-12 21:11:03

Ok, I am ex Navy and my husband is in the Navy. As far as I know you do not get paid less when you are off work through illness. In addition, there have been no pay cuts that I am aware of. Also, he will earn more when he's actually at sea but if he's on a ship that's currently in port or he's doing a shore based job, his salary should remain the same.

I believe the notice period is now 12 months so the fact that he has put in his notice really isn't relevant at the moment.

Go to the CSA. They will ask for copies of his pay statements and make an assessment on that. If he doesn't comply they will simply take the money from his wages. The Navy will comply with the CSA!

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:13:20

ok, thank you all. i'll ring them tomorrow.

SorrelForbes Wed 31-Oct-12 21:15:18

Do you know which branch he is in and what rate/rank he is? If so you can look up his salary online.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:22:25

hmm, i used to know but i cant remember the title now. of course that could have changed now.

SorrelForbes Wed 31-Oct-12 21:24:43

This link will give you a vague idea:

RN Pay Scales

nevertidy Wed 31-Oct-12 21:30:21

sorrell is right - mil pay is a matter of public record. The CSA find military cases very easy and so are effective. The subjects are easily found, contacted and earnings are utterly transparent - all on a plate for them really. Hope it works out for you.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:33:31

i know he was lead engineering technician 2 years ago when we split. is that a rate/rank?

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Wed 31-Oct-12 21:39:44

Don't be frightened by a knobboid man's threats to go for custody. Not only would he not get it, but he doesn't even mean it. He's just stamping his feet and trying to frighten you into shutting up. Courts are used to prickish men being prickish, and take very little notice of their antics.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:45:24

i know it's not what he wants but i also know that he would need to feel as if he'd won and for him that would mean dragging me back and forth to court. i have no objection to the dcs being there, i would be happy to share care 50/50 and share the cost of raising them but i know he doesn't want this so i just agree to whatever he asks knowing that he doesn't really mean it. he's like a child, tell him he cant have something and it suddenly becomes the most important thing in teh world that he'd give his life for hmm

SorrelForbes Wed 31-Oct-12 21:47:18

OK, yep that would be an LET. I would hazard a guess he's on upwards of £27K.

VolumeOfACone Wed 31-Oct-12 21:52:29

I would definitely go to the CSA.

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:57:15

is CSA amount worked out on salary before tax and NI or after?

BeingBooyhoo Wed 31-Oct-12 21:59:29

that sounds about right if i take the original amount he was paying in CM as 20% (2dcs) of his after tax salary.

Happylander Thu 01-Nov-12 16:10:03

OP I was in the Navy and you do not lose pay for being off sick. Go to CSA and they will demand his pay slips and if he refuses they can contact his ship. It will then come directly out of his wages and he can't just cut it down. Then every August you reapply to CSA as then your money will go up in line with his pay/promotion.

Contact his ships welfare officer and say that you are having problems getting maintenance form him. This is easy to do by calling his ship.

If you are really struggling contact the British Legion and SSAFA both are excellent and also the British Legion does holidays for kids of ex and serving armed forced personnel. Also they can get in touch with his ship as well and have a word for ya.

Do not be bullied he is taking the piss out of your lack of knowledge of the armed forces. He would not get custody so don't worry about that.

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