Very down and needing support

[Blue81]

Not sure if this is the right place to post. My DS is 7 months and ill with a nasty viral chest infection. I am not coping, have post natal depression and sometimes just want to scream at him to shut up. His dad has been to mine to 'look after' him as he is too unwell to go out. (This involved my ex being very demanding and calling me a lazy cow.) I can't go on like this, I am too scared to take my anti depressants as they have a sedative effect and I can't rouse myself once asleep. What do I do? He just keeps on waking up every hour and screaming

[Fluffanstuff]

Hi Hun have you got family you can call on just for a bit of a break ? I would also suggest you give your HV a call as soon as poss...even if its just for a rant she will be able to help xx

[Blue81]

Hi I put this in chat, have got HV, mental Health team etc on board, yet still feel alone. Calmer now have spoken to mental health team. My mum has been great but cant keep asking her as she is getting depressed looking after me :(

[foslady]

Just saw this Blue, hope you're ok and your little one managed some sleep. Be kind to yourself, you are doing brilliantly, honest, and totally ignore your ex - how dare he speak to you like that, how can you be lazy bringing up a child that he has walked away from? . Sleep when you both can, you can catch up with other stuff when your little ones feeling better. Btw, have you had your meds assessed to see if there's another form that has less of an effect on your alertness? And if you're worried about your little ones health, ring your out of hours GP and check.

[lowercase]

wrap son well and go out for a walk.

take a flask of something for yourself.

you need to eat and drink properly.

sod housework etc.
sod others opinions.
concentrate on getting through.

[lowercase]

i see, the ex is staying...ask him to leave.
his 'help' is making things worse.
you have a sick baby and him undermining/abusing you.

im usually fine, whenever the ex gets involved morale goes to shit very quickly.

[Blue81]

Been another bad day, baby had a nose bleed this morning and couldn't breathe for coughing. Panicked and text his dad at 5 am and told him HE NEEDED to take a day off work. I was so tired and disorientated I honestly thought that was best.

Good points I got a couple of hours extra sleep and got my house into some kind of order. Bad points he is a twunt!

He is making inappropriate comments such as 'Oh have your boobs got bigger?'

Then he makes a point of saying stuff like I am not here for you, I am only here for DS. Winds me up so much. I know its emotional abuse, but have been so tired and down that any support, even shitty half assed support is better than none.

Things feel very overwhelming at the moment. Have a plan for tomorrow though, my mum is coming with me into town to get a few errands done and on Wednesday me and both DS's are going to a Halloween party. [hsmile]

[Blue81]

foslady I basically made him leave our family home as he hit me whilst I was holding DS2. I have posted about it ages ago in another topic under a different name.

Because I asked him to leave, even though I had a bloody good reason, he sees it as I MADE him go, therefore he HASN'T walked out on his family IYSWIM?

Lowercase I am very aware that he emotionally abuses me. I don't think he even realises it himself though. It is just the norm for him. I have no intention of ever getting back into a mess relationship with him.

[foslady]

Sorry to here ds wasn't well again, but pleased you managed a bit of sleep (btw the WHO see sleep deprivation as an official form of torture). - and at least you can see what ex is saying is total crap! Glad you have plans for tomorrow, that'll make you feel far more like you! [hsmile]

[Blue81]

Yes, I seem to be the only one who can. My mum thinks he is a sodding angel because he has took one f**king day off work, what about all the times I have missed out on nights out, college etc etc a full day off work to 'help'.

I am feeling so much better for just having that extra 3 hours or so of uninterrupted sleep. Amazing what sleep deprivation can do, yes I can easily believe its torture. I know I have a long way to go before I am well again but at least I don't feel as bad as I did on Saturday. Trying to look at every little positive and ignore the negatives.

[DoubleYew]

So sorry you are going through this. My ds is also ill and I felt (briefly!) like abandoning him at the hospital.

But what you say about your ex is very concerning. I know it is very hard to cope but having someone like that in your home is not good. Does the hv know about all of this?

What I have found really helpful is a support group for parents, better than meds.

[Blue81]

Hi yes HV knows he is making lewd comments. Today I reached crisis point yet again. I have been on the phone screaming at the Mental Health team to help me. Have made plans for my eldest DS to be looked after for the rest of this week by his dad and baby has gone to his dad until the end of the week, maybe longer. (2 different dads

I am starting to realise that DS2's birth really affected me, (emergency section) I remember waking up and thinking my baby was dead. Hasn't helped things. I am grateful obviously that he was born quickly and safely but that couple of hours out of it have had a lasting effect.

Feel at a loss sat here without them. Feel like I should be 'doing something', god knows what though. Am trying to be kind to myself but I feel embarrassed and ashamed.

[foslady]

Only just seen your earlier post re what happened before he left - that to my mind makes it far worse - the best thing a man can do for his child is love their mother, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.
Please don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, you have no reason to feel either - you are tired which magnifies depression and have been coping with a sick child and an elder child which is hard enough for anyone, let alone with what you are going through. Snuggle yourself down with a hot drink and give yourself some time for you so when your ds's come home you'll be fully rested ready to take on the world .
We all believe in you

[foslady]

Oh blow! flower failure!!!!!!!

[Blue81]

^^Giggles. Thank You. I am normally such a strong person, taken me nearly 8 months to admit that I need help.

[Blue81]

DoubleYew Hope your son gets well soon. It is awful when they are ill. x

[lowercase]

why dont you make an appointments at docs now dc are away for a bit.
get on the road to recovery.
i had PND with dc2, i know that unmanageable insane feeling
i did a 6 months course of prozac and felt 100 times better.

[Blue81]

lowercase Mental Health Team are involved and been seen by psych who simply said to stick on meds for another 2 weeks then it will be reviewed. My GP cannot intervene now as it is up to Mental Health Docs what meds I should be on. I have been stepped up to what is known as the Crisis Team. They phone daily and if I feel I am not coping they come out. Including weekends. I haven't been accepting their help to the extent that I know I need - I am embarrassed. I know that is silly but I am such a 'normal' person usually, (whatever normal is) and for it to escalate from bad to worse so rapidly is frightening. Social Services are getting involved and although they keep reassuring me its just going to be support to keep my little family together I am panicking! No one ever has anything good to say about them and the fact that they could potentially take my children is petrifying.

[foslady]

It took me 6 months and a kick up the arse from my dsis before I admitted PND.....

If you keep showing SS that you are doing everything to make sure your children are growing in a loving, caring environment (which you are), and that you are working hard to get on top of your PND (which you are) you should have nothing to fear - you will get back to 'you', hold on to that

[crackcrackcrak]

Hey op. sorry you are having such a crappy time. What is your social supprt like? When I first left exp the best advise I was given was to try not to rely in him for anything as he would manipulate it/me. Do you have any mum friends/baby groups/activities (difficult I know when they are ill) support group for Pnd? I worry with friends who have experienced Pnd that isolation is often a contributing factor.

[Blue81]

Thats what my HV and Mental Health lady keeps saying. That they are going to support me and that my little baby is obviously thriving because I am a good mum. Makes me feel a bit as I just feed him and clothe him etc. Not too sure how that makes me a good mum IYSWIM. Obviously I am meeting his basic needs but is that enough? I should be enjoying being with him and playing with him and watching him grow but I am not!

I keep thinking they will see that and give him to someone who will enjoy being with him. Totally unreasonable and a bit bonkers but that is how I feel. Like they will see through me and decide I am not good for him.

Sorry sound like a right nutter now

[Blue81]

crack Kind of. I have a friend who is also suffering from PND, however she is lucky that she has a fantastic husband, her mum is retired and her sister doesn't work. So she has a lot of support.

My poor mum is really struggling to support me and works part time so can't always be there. I do feel isolated as the groups I have been to are full of seemingly happy first time mums who dote on their babies and I don't want to suddenly off load my problems onto them.

[Blue81]

I am thinking of asking about maybe a support group in the local area. Haven't got a clue if they exist but I think it would be worthwhile finding out. I need some real life support from people who know what I am feeling.

[crackcrackcrak]

Have a look online and see if there is a gingerbread group near you or any kind of lone parent group. I can totally see your point about the joy ways new mums with nice husbands. I would feel that way too in my situation

[Blue81]

crack When I had my first DS and had just split from his dad - DS was only a few weeks old, I went to a group where one woman was moaning and nearly in tears about her husband coming in from work and cuddling the baby first and not acknowledging her until he had had a good cuddle with baby. I very nearly got up and smacked her!

I could not and still don't see how she could be upset. So yeah I think a lone parent group would be a very good idea. I don't want to be arrested for abusing new mums lol.

[Blue81]

Oh god, things just get worse!! Just had someone hammering on front door, - turns out its baby's dad shouting and swearing at me because he forgot to take baby's ventolin inhaler to his house. Obviously thats my fault, because I didn't hear my phone ring!

Am panicking about lil one now, hope to god he is ok. Bet his dad wont txt me to let me know if he is or not. Not going to be able to sleep for worrying now.

I hate my ex, he is such a twunt!