Great advice from foslady I'd add, if you go for a coffee with her and the DC, help by keeping a good eye on them while your friend can drink hers in peace. I meet a friend twice a week and she just whisks DS off to say hello to the staff in the cafe and old ladies etc to coo over, and looks after him running around while I can switch off and drink my hot tea in peace for 5 minutes. Unequivical bliss!
Why not arrange a pizza night at hers - that's what my friends did for me. I was told to provide the oven and they all piled up with wine, brownies and pizza. Great night with friends, no childminding worries and free
adult company - the evenings can be lonely at first maybe one to one as well as the pizza groups specific rather than general - it's great to say i'll babysit whenever you want, but if she's the proud type she may be reluctant to actually ask and keep going - sometimes the beginning is easier because you are quite numb with shock but the lonliness hits a while down the line what else - could your family join her and dc for stuff like bonfire night, as a newly lone parent you can sometimes feel as if friends slam the portcullis's of their nuclear families and the 'family' events can be hard. Xmas in particular, obviously - even the adverts could set me off you sound great, wish I'd had a friend like you when I left the baaarstard!
Also, if you visit her house, make her a cup of tea. Without asking. I always missed someone making me a cup of tea. Or maybe take some food round so she doesn't have to cook (a stew or something she can heat up) one night.
And yes to evening company - go to hers for a takeaway & wine. Make sure she has someone who can babysit now & then. You might have to insist. My sister texted me yesterday to say she'd pick me up this morning, take me top drop DS off at his activity & take me out for coffee. She didn't ask me, she told me. It was nice to know that she wanted to do that - I didn't ask for help.
And make sure you are there down the line - in 6 weeks/ 6 months - when the reality sets in.
The cup of tea thing is one that I realised when I totally broke down one day, sobbing. I couldn't remember the last time someone did something just for me, just because. It can be quite tiresome being the only who has to do absolutely everything. It really IS the little things & it makes a world of difference knowing someone is there for you
Listen to her, without comment. Call her regularly, not just now but in a few months too. Send her a bunch of flowers/pretty card/ token gift. If you don't live nearby, invite her to visit. Take her out for a girlie night. Let her join in on things like bonfire night. Give her a hug. (I really missed hugs from adults at the start).
Yes it's me from Dec 05 babies wow, they are 7 soon! did you have a diff name glitch? were you at the meet up? am now happily single and have retrained as a teacher, life busy but good. Remember tp tuesdays?!
and listen to her, op (sweetheart from dec05 thread was a big help to me, I remember, as I ranted on about stuff) my personal cup of tea equivalent is being driven somewhere, it is SO nice to be in the passenger seat and to look aimlessly out of the window!
Hey Ninah, I am George from Dec05. Still here after all these years but have just moved on to the lone parents threads now . Funny how MN caters for you whatever stress life throws at you. Now TP Tuesdays....gosh that seems a long time ago now.
oh george how lovely you are still around, I remember you! I would say sorry to see you in lone p's but to my surprise going it alone has really been the making of me, although I would have never guessed that at the beginning. Hope things go well for you too - pm me if you ever want to chat.