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Ex moving away - how to tell DS (3.5)

(4 Posts)
Fcm14 Wed 24-Oct-12 16:52:39

I have a DS aged 3.5yrs.

I separated from his father 18 months ago, since that time DS has had good contact with his dad e.g. 3 weekends a month and two evenings per week.

Last night my ex announced that he will be moving overseas in mid-November and wants 'school holiday time' contact.  

Can anyone suggest how I can soften the blow of this sudden change on my DS.  I know he is going to miss his dad terribly and struggle to understand where he is, why he can't see him and gauge how long it will be until the next visit.   Frankly I don't know where to start trying to explain this to him.  I worry that this is going to cause real long term damage.

Any suggestions welcome!  

FannyBazaar Wed 24-Oct-12 19:43:35

Shouldn't it be up to his father to explain it to him?

Will they be in contact by Skype or Facetime? Will there be regular calls? If children can have some form of contact it helps. He may well cope well with it especially if he is looking forward to a holiday with Daddy.

How about getting your DS a pocket diary or calendar where he can draw a picture on the days he is seeing Daddy and practice counting down the days?

Athendof Sun 28-Oct-12 18:50:36

Ater if fact in words he can understand: daddy has got a job in a place that is far away, but he will be keeping in contact with him via (fill the blank) on (fill the time).

I wouldn't go the calendar route, to long a wait for a child to be cojnting the days. I would probably will make a fuss about the country dad us moving to as this will allow your child to place dad somewhere and not to asume he has disappeared.

If you make it look as if this is an adventure, the child will felt far less abandoned than if the focus of the conversation is that he is not going to see dad regularly anymore. (I know you will be far more hurt by this than your child, my ex cut contact altogether with our son some tears ago, DS has not missed him, I on the other hand could spit on his face if I were given the opportunity... Well I know that I wouldn't but that expresses the extent if my feelings).

And something very important, pleace make sure you both ask for this new arrangement to be formalised by court in a residence/contact order before he leaves. Much less messier than trying to do it before the first visit of the child to dad's new country.

Athendof Sun 28-Oct-12 18:51:45

Matter of fact words in a language child can understand...

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