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Should I just give up?

(9 Posts)
MummytoLO Wed 24-Oct-12 10:47:18

Sorry long story from a confused mum. I really need some advice.

I left XP before I knew I was pregnant, we were only dating for 5 months, it wasn't working and he also wanted money.

When I told him I was expecting he said: you can either marry me immediately or have an abortion. When I did neither, he said he wanted nothing to do with me and the child.

I have sent him nice emails and pictures ever since LO was born, asking him to get involved, he never replied. It's only when I said I'd take LO to his company (the woman he cheated me with now works there and she's probably unaware of LO) that he agreed to meet. Then he added: "do not bring YOUR daughter". We did not meet.

He then threatened to call the police if I showed up at his house or office and that his lawyer would issue an injunction if I keep sending him pictures of his daughter. I know this is nonsense, it just shows what type of man he is.

My money is tight so I contacted the CSA but they never replied.
Given that he works for himself, I don't expect much support.

I am inclined to leave it. I am also a little scared of him, he appears unhinged.

However, do I not owe it to my daughter to keep trying? And should I establish a CSA claim, just in case in the future his company starts producing profit?

littlebubbalove Thu 25-Oct-12 00:10:39

this is a tough one... He doesnt seem to be at all interested in her. So i dont know, in my opinion i dont think he will be ever interested but if you have a photo of him. You could show it to you DD when she's older. I hope this helps xx

MakeItALarge Thu 25-Oct-12 17:16:03

Men like this make me so angry.

Youve done everything you can, if he refuses to see her then contacting him isnt going to help. I know how hard that is as my ex left us in a simialr situation and I also send txts and emails and cute pics hoping for a response but it doesnt work!

Keep trying with the CSA though, you might never get a lot but your dd deserves that money. Do you have any contact with his family, do they know about your dd? It might be worth sending them a letter to see if they would like contact.

Kewcumber Thu 25-Oct-12 17:19:33

Personally I'd give up with one last try at CSA. You can only do your best - you can't be expected to spend the next 10 years trying to cajole this man into being the father your DD deserves.

purpleroses Thu 25-Oct-12 19:39:44

You owe it to your DD to leave the door open for her to see her dad - should he grow up at some point in the future. But nothing more. You've tried all you can so best just get on with enjoying life with your DD.

You also owe it to her to support her financially as best you can so persevere with the CSA. He doesn't have to want contact to have a duty to help support her.

mummymcphee Thu 25-Oct-12 21:06:46

Hello MummytoLO

I have been in a similar position to you. My exP lives opposite and wants nothing to do with my DD. I took her over to his house when she was 3 months old and having made an appointment and given him 3 weeks notice he told us to f* o** and threatened to call the police and then slammed the door. I think this was in part for the benefit for a very insecure new GF who is struggling to have kids.

More recently I have been in contact to see if there is potential for him to move house given that he ignores DD in the street and she is getting older by the day. I got a load more abuse followed by a follow up phone call from the police warning me not to contact him again about DD or he would prosecute for harrassment.

I have not gone to the CSA but as my ex is self employed he has been giving me £25.00 a week to stay away from them as he does not want them poking around in his tax affairs.

I think that these men are scared of their own shadows and do not deserve to have a beautiful little girl in their lives! I pursued dd's dad after her birth probably in response to hormones but also as I felt I needed to try for DD so that she could grow up knowing her dad.

I know how disappointing it is to be rejected like this but honestly we are the lucky ones and they are the biggest losers!!!! xx

difficultpickle Thu 25-Oct-12 21:09:55

As someone whose ex is self employed I would think long and hard about bothering with the CSA. My ex is a self employed plumber, bathroom installer but apparently only has a net income of £140 a week. Clearly he doesn't but it is next to impossible to prove otherwise.

Fifi2406 Fri 26-Oct-12 18:41:36

Not exactly the same but similar! My sons dad met his son by accident (in a carpark) after he said he wanted nothing to do with "it" meaning my pregnancy and my child.... and then nothing came of it I tried a number of ways to contact him afterwards but no luck! I came across his twitter through a mutual friend 9 months after I bumped into him and followed him he now wants to be involved and has come to see him and I'm not gonna say no for the simple fact of I do not want my son to be able to turn around when he is older and say you stopped my dad seeing me you didn't try hard enough! My son will decide one day if his dad is a waste of space or not...this is what I did but every situation is different! Hope this is of some help! It's tough to keep on trying and trying!

MummytoLO Sun 28-Oct-12 20:21:27

Thank you, it already helps a lot to know that I am not alone in this.

I will not contact him again, it's not much my DD is losing here.

I will try again the CSA one more time. I heard they are not very helpful so I do not expect much.

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