how to cope with these feelings?(6 Posts)
Hi all. I'm in a bit of a hard place right now and was hoping for some words of comfort/advice/support/whatever.
I have 2 sons with my ex, they are 8 and 6. We split in 2009, after nearly 9 years together. 6 weeks later he introduced our children to his new girlfriend. The later moved in together and got engaged. Then early last, year they split, and he begged me to take him back, saying he'd made a mistake etc etc. stupidly I did, although not until August. We took things slowly, he didn't move in etc. then in may this year we decided to separate again. Despite the fact I loved him still, we realised we had changed too much now. For example, my plan was to go to college and then uni to become a Midwife, gee thought I should just 'get a job in Tesco' and didn't support me at all in following my dream.
Well 3 weeks ago he announced in Facebook (I know I know, I should block him etc but it's a good way to keep in touch if I run out of credit on my phone) that he's in a relationship. This is despite the fact that he spent the last couple of months trying to Getty another woman into bed, while messaging me telling me how he feels and that if I'd only change he'd have me back
So the week after meeting this woman, he introduced the boys to her. Ds1 is not happy (think tears and tantrums after coming home and the next day, carrying round a photo of Daddy) because all they do now is spend time with her and her kids, and he wants to spend time with his Daddy. Ds1 phoned hood Dad to tell him this, and was told 'she is part of our family now, if you don't like it tough luck' ds1 then told his Dad that he's only going to go out with him sometimes because he doesn't want to always have to spend time with the others, he wants time on his own, to which he was told yea fine whatever.
To make it clear I don't want ex back at all, but how do I cope with the feelings of jealousy, more that he can move on and I can't. Not because I'm harbouring feelings for him, but because my childrens welfare comes first, and I wouldn't dream of introducing someone new to them for a good few months, plus I only have 1 day without then so of course even meeting someone new is impossible.
Plus the emotional strain of seeing my sons heartbreak every week ?
Sorry it's so long, I didn't want to miss anything out, although I probably have
Slow down! Give yourself a bit of time to get over all of this. Your ex sounds like a tosser. You need to sort yourself out first and foremost, before trying to slot anyone else into your life. Moving on is not about finding someone else, it is about being happy in your own skin and living your life as best you can.
I appear to have posted this 3 times, but the other 2 are incomplete. How do I get them removed?
I know that, sorry it's not clear in my OP. I don't want anyone else right now, but when I am ready, I can't ever see it being possible, but he just bulldozes on, without a thought for his kids or how their feeling. Makes me so angry!
And you're right, he's a tosser!
I dont really have any words of advice but I just wanted to say you are not alone in feeling like this. It seems really easy for men to just walk away and begin a new life with a new person while we are left keeping it all going for the dcs. All you can do is continue to do what youre doing - being there for your dcs. Some days are easier than others and people tell me that it gets even easier with time.
I asked for advice here yesterday (my first time of posting) and family therapy was suggested to me, Is this something that would benefit you and your dcs? Especially for your oldest son as what your ex said to him was so hurtful.
My son is talking to the pastoral carer at school once a week. He won't turn up to family counselling, or at least he hadn't in the past!
It's good to know I'm not alone feeling like this though, that alone makes it all seem better if that makes sense!
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