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Bringing dd home late and unfed every week, what to do?

(8 Posts)
crissycross Sun 21-Oct-12 19:07:36

Every Sunday that he has her, my dd's dad brings her home at least an hour late, and he doesn't feed her properly, she's always hungry when she gets home so that means it's even later by the time I've fed her, etc. She's got school in the morning, and despite me pointing all this out to him every sodding week, he doesn't take any notice. He's just been on the phone telling me she won't be dropped off until 8, when I said the above, again, he had the nerve to say 'whatever'. She's 7, and usually in bed by 8. Any advice? I could also mention the non payment of maintenance, but that's another thread entirely.

MatureUniStudent Sun 21-Oct-12 20:28:42

She is seeing her dad and if you look at the big picture, whilst extremely annoying for you her coming home late and school the next day, I would hold off getting stressed about it. Milky drink or cereal for the hunger when she gets in so she can head off to bed straight away.

Happylander Sun 21-Oct-12 20:49:33

Does he say he hasn't fed her? Surely she has eaten when he has otherwise how odd.

I think it is really common for children to say they are hungry when they come back from the NRP. My son does even though he has been fed and a social worker told me it is to do with seeing you as the nurturing one and they want to have that bond when they get back.

avenueone Sun 21-Oct-12 21:26:43

The hungry thing I agree, my DS is always hungry come bed time.. a great delay tactic and sometimes true - he has just eaten four sandwiches after having had a massive tea - he is 7.
Whilst I don't agree that we should be grateful that she is seeing her dad and nothing else matters - it is only an hour and you know what if he knows it winds you up then he may be doing on purpose.
You mention the maintenance it may be that, that is making this seem a bigger issue. You feeling bad about all this will not change the situation will just upset you and may please him. Post the maintenance thread and see if it is that which is hurting the most.

MajesticWhine Sun 21-Oct-12 21:30:24

What exactly has she had for supper? She is old enough to say. Then you can find out if he is not feeding her or if it's an emotional need.

FannyBazaar Sun 21-Oct-12 22:24:27

Happylander interesting point about hunger. My DS has tea at After School Club, sometimes several helpings and then has tea at home. Having tea at home with me is a bit of a routine thing, sometimes if we eat with friends early than usual on a day off or weekend, he will ask 'what's for tea?' as soon as we get home or at bedtime if I haven't produced anything he will protest that he hasn't had his tea.

I would say you need to expect that she will be back late, have something ready to feed her when she gets back. Maybe ask your ex to bring her back an hour early than you need her back by if he's the kind of person that is always late for everything (I'm one of those people blush).

crackcrackcrak Sun 21-Oct-12 22:43:33

I have this problem too and there's not much I can do about it. Dd comes back from contact tired and hungry on most occasions. Exp doesn't care that she find the next day difficult because if his behaviour. Today for example she ate massive amounts of food all day, was nearly in years with tiredness at 4pm and in bed asleep at 6.30. This at least I can compensate for but I do worry about these issues when she starts school.

RyleDup Sun 21-Oct-12 22:58:43

Why doesn't he feed her properly if he's bringing her back so late?

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