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How can contact happen with hundreds of miles distance between?

(7 Posts)
Challen Wed 17-Oct-12 22:54:33

One pre-schooler, one age 5.5

Contact has been zero or sporadic over the last 3 years, father lives 200 miles away. He suddenly wants full custody and/or access.

What sort of contact arrangements would practically work when one child is at school, one is at nursery, father refuses to travel down here and stay in an hotel. How exactly could contact happen?
Could the courts force me to coach or bus 200 miles away (I don't drive) on a Friday night after school and back again on a Sunday night?

It's all a bit bizarre.

I mean, what contact would you recommend, given the distance?

Halfcups Wed 17-Oct-12 23:11:13

You need to get to a family/child specialist lawyer and get advice. Who moved 200 miles away? The solicitor will tell you it s all about the needs of the child. Why the need for full custody from your xp? It just does nt work like that!

avenueone Wed 17-Oct-12 23:29:21

Like halfcup said it all depends on what has brought the distance about. A court will not look to make major changes to a child's life unless the child/ren are suffering in their current environment. What has brought about the sudden interest?

Challen Thu 18-Oct-12 22:03:11

I moved away. DV issues. The sudden interest seems to be best explained in his latest test which is to 'cause me the most distress possible'.

avenueone Thu 18-Oct-12 22:15:15

keep that text. do you have any police reports? don't engage in conversation with him - go through a solicitor if you can. Read up as much as you can about the process.

HopingItllBeOK Thu 18-Oct-12 22:25:12

Keep the text, back it up onto a computer and external hard drive if you can, just in case the Pre-schooler drops your phone on the kitchen floor and you lose it <voice of bitter experience> if you have any texts or solicitors letters showing that you have offered contact in the past and it has not been taken up, that will need backing up as well.

If my current experience is anything to go by, if you had a valid reason for the move and contact has been sporadic until now, then contact will be ordered to happen at least initially in the DC's home area. It will have to be your local court that he applies to and he will have to travel there for hearings and the like. It will also be ordered that contact is arranged so as to not disrupt the children's education at all, so school holidays and weekends.

Quite simply, the court will likely take a very dim view of a father who is claiming he wants to see his kids more, to the extent that he goes to court for it, then refuses to actually put any effort in himself to get there. His past refusals may well work in your favour, in that it makes you look like the reasonable party and him look like a petulant whiny foot stomper, so any arrangements ordered are likely to go in your favour.

You would need to consider what sort of contact you want the DC to have though, overnight, supervised, unsupervised etc. If supervised, consider whether you want to be there yourself or you want someone else known to your DC to be there, at least initially.

avenueone Fri 19-Oct-12 00:20:40

hopingitwillbeok you talk a lot of sense and I myself have benefited from that information - thank you. Sorry to hear you have had to go through it though, you sound like you have a very balanced mind.

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