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What are 'normal' contact arrangements??

(11 Posts)
mama2moo Tue 16-Oct-12 19:58:54

Currently exdp has our children 2 evenings a week for 1.5 hours and 2 hours at the weekend. He lives in a small flat with nothing for them, no tv and no table.

Dds are in a good routine and have school etc. I love having one day at the weekend where its just us and not having to rush off to something.

What contact does your ex have? Do they moan its not enough?

FannyBazaar Tue 16-Oct-12 20:49:19

My ex sees our DS once or twice a month, about 6 hours at a time if at the weekend and up to 2 hours if it's a weekday, there is no fixed arrangement. DS moans that it's not enough but ex says he's very very very busy. DS is encouraged to phone his father whenever he wants and knows his father is given a list of dates with availability.

I don't have a TV but I do have a table.

crackcrackcrak Tue 16-Oct-12 23:08:32

I have one dd, 3. Exp has her one weekday afternoon until bed time and one weekend day per week plus alternate Saturday nights until Sunday am. He thinks he should have her entire weekends. I disagree. For the present I mean. Obviously she will get older and contact can be progressed. He thinks he can manage her for longer periods but he does nothing with her now.
Dd reports he has a tv but no table. I'd prefer the opposite!

GetAllTheThings Wed 17-Oct-12 10:22:48

exdp has our children 2 evenings a week for 1.5 hours and 2 hours at the weekend

I guess there is no such thing as 'normal' contact arrangements, but the access you mention seems very much on the low side.

I have my dd alt w/e and one morning a week plus half the hols. That's generally considered 'standard'.

Would dearly love more time with my dd but meet resistance from XP whenever it's mentioned.

Beamur Wed 17-Oct-12 10:26:51

I'd agree that the 'standard' really depends on individual circumstances.
My DP and his ex have always shared residency 50:50 and for the last couple of years that has been 1 week at each house, swapping over on a Sunday. Our kids are teens though and can get to school from either parents house.
Your ex doesn't seem to have much time with the kids though, would he like to have them overnight? Every other weekend seems reasonable.
The lack of tv and table is not important. They can play elsewhere and tv is not essential to life.

GetAllTheThings Wed 17-Oct-12 10:35:52

... oh I should have added, I have several tables and no TV ! grin

mama2moo Wed 17-Oct-12 14:41:49

Thanks all. Im more bothered about the no table issue! They tend to watch films on his laptop most of the time!

purpleroses Wed 17-Oct-12 18:45:07

Tables are the sort of thing I think you need to leave him to sort out, or not. But he'd need beds for them if he wanted them overnight, or at least a mattress or lilo for the floor.

My ex lives in a small flat too, but has always had the DCs 2 nights a week. It is crammed for them there, and he didn't used to have a telly (DS did used to complain about that, and I did put some pressure on ex to get one so that DS would go more happily). But ultimately if you let him have them more, and they get bored there, that may push him into getting some things in for them, or finding things for them to do. 2 hours at a time must mean they never really settle much. Does he even make them a meal?

ladydeedy Wed 17-Oct-12 19:32:11

Television is not important and I am not sure why people think it is a necessity, particularly to have more than one!
Having somewhere to sleep comfortably is. Dont worry about the other stuff, but the quality of time they are having together... When they are with him, it's down to him, same as when with you, you wouldnt expect him to demand certain criteria, I imagine. I think the time spent with him though is small. Although maybe he feels you dont want them to spend much time with him, given him limited facilities?

Katkin13 Sat 20-Oct-12 21:14:53

"normal contact" is like asking how long is a piece of string. Every situation is different. Many couples are financially ruined after a marital split. it doesn't affect their ability to parent though.

I would suggest that, for the sake of your kids, you both meet up and make arrangements for contact. There is no need to split your weekend. A lot of Dads have every other weekend with some midweek contact and half all holidays... for an example. I would print off a 2012-2013 calender- take it and go through it with him. Would be better all round if you can do this amicably.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 20-Oct-12 21:39:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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