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Contact with newborn

(3 Posts)
wkmmum Tue 09-Oct-12 18:25:34

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with DC2. Have a DS and have a contact arrangement that works really well with his dad (we split because of DV). Have recently split from this baby's dad. For various reasons this baby is on the child protection register as a precaution rather than because there's a risk at present.

Social services want me to give them an idea of what sort of contact I'd be happy with the dad having but I honestly have no idea. He's told me before that he wants no contact, then contact every day and is now saying he only wants what I want.

Baby will be EBF, the dad lives about an hour and a half drive away but works full time near me. I don't want him having contact at mine as he's been really nasty to me and is very controlling. But I'll obviously have to be there/very nearby cos of the breast feeding. I also don't trust him to take baby out for a walk etc so I'm thinking I asking for contact to take place at a contact centre or something, at least in the beginning.

But I really don't know how often or how long each contact should be. I don't know what's reasonable. In all honesty I'd rather he wasn't around at all but that's about me. Both the baby and the dad have a right to see each other.

Does anyone have any thoughts on what would be reasonable? Because I'm totally stuck xx

MakeItALarge Tue 09-Oct-12 23:16:45

With babies the usual suggestion is little and often, but I can see how the distance would cause problems with that. Could you meet somewhere neutral and with other people present, such as a friends house or coffee shop rather than a contact centre? You could offer one afternoon a week and see how he responds.

ChocHobNob Wed 10-Oct-12 09:17:50

Little and often is best. From what you have written a contact centre isn't ideal. For starters, they are normally only open at weekends and if Dad is near you in the week and you can both accommodate contact time after work for an hour etc, it might make more sense to do that than expecting him to then travel back for an hour at the weekends.

Also they only normally allow an hour a week or every other week and if you can both agree to two or three after works a week that would be better for the baby. It is not ideal for a baby or the father to go without any contact with a small baby for weeks at a time if unavoidable.

I would be looking at offering to meet up after work for an hour 2 or 3 times a week and taking a family member or friend with me to chat to while Dad does whatever with baby. A cafe or somewhere would be good.

Looking to work towards him taking baby out for an hour once the baby is older and then progressing from there. It's going to have to go slowly.

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