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Do your kids see their Dad?

(34 Posts)
Claire2009 Fri 05-Oct-12 21:29:59

Do your kids see their Dad? If so, how often?

Ds is 5 & dd is 6, their dad sees them 2-3 times a year

er1507 Sun 07-Oct-12 20:49:00

My dd is 14mo and currently doesn't have any contact with her dad. This stopped about 2/3 month ago. not sure if it will resume as I'm pretty angry with him right now. He used to see her most days.

Contact with my father stopped when I was about 4. (I'm 25 now) I met him when I was 22 for a drink as he got in touch and I haven't seen him again since!!

Do you want contact to stop or increase?

BellaTalbert Sun 07-Oct-12 22:18:13

My dd is 10 and so far has only seen him once this year, he lives 100 miles away. He hasn't contacted her for over 6 weeks, this however is nothing unusual. As the years have gone on he has seen her less and less, the only reason he saw her this year is because I made him feel guilty. My daughter is making her own conclusions over this as she has said that she is no longer his priority. I don't know when she will see him next. I think that the best you could ask for is consistency for the sake of the children. Just hold your head up high knowing that you are doing the best for your children.

BieneMaja Mon 08-Oct-12 10:32:43

My DD is nearly 6 and sees her Dad every other Tuesday overnight and every other weekend for 2 nights. Might increase this to every Tuesday night soon.

When we were setting up arrangements, I made it very clear that if he started messing her around - not showing up etc - he won't do it twice... Thankfully he sorted his priorities out and things are good now.

If contact is regular its all very well, but on and off I wouldn't stand for.

Claire2009 Mon 08-Oct-12 10:45:56

I'd like contact to stop tbh, but I did mention that before (when he told the kids hed be down and he never turnt up) he threatened with solicitors... hmm

We have been through solicitors before, he got 2hrs a fortnight supervised access. He kept that up for around a year and I gradually let him have them for days out/weekends and we were sharing school holidays. He just stopped gradually over the last 18mths or so.

Dd speaks to him on the phone once a fortnight but thats when she rings him, ds wont talk on the phone other than bye at the end of a call (hes asd).

TheJiminyConjecture Mon 08-Oct-12 23:19:12

I remember being that kid sat at the window, waiting for Daddy to come, waiting, and waiting.... I'm 28 now. He's 20 years late. It's a bloody horrible thing to do.

Despite that I'd be reluctant to stop contact, one thing my Mum did was always make sure he had the opportunity to see us. Whether he took us or not was his responsibility. We soon learnt what he was like, and never resented her for not having our Dad around. I'm trying to channel her when X is being a dick, I can sleep easy knowing that I've never stopped him from seeing DD and never slagged him off etc in front of her.

From the sounds of his behaviour, he'll probably save you the bother of stopping contact by just fizzling out over time.

I hope this makes sense

lostdad Tue 09-Oct-12 13:03:21

My son is with me about 150 nights a year. His mum consented to all this - but only after 15 court hearings over 5 years and dragging him 300 miles across the country to an area he has no family or connection with (I followed him).

He's 6 now and begs to stay more often but it's not going to happen for the time being at least - an extra night a week would make me the primary carer and it'll be a cold day in hell before his mum agrees to that (even though she has been so keen to point out up to now how the most important thing is that he must do what he wants).

If anyone here has a child who's dad is mucking around with contact...put them in touch with me. People like that have made my job to be my son's father than much harder as I am inevitably told `Well...plenty of dads aren't interested in their kids'.

These blokes don't know they're born...angry

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Tue 09-Oct-12 13:08:20

My XH has the dcs every other weekend fri-sun. He also phones them once a week for 5 minutes or so. They are 7+5.

Snorbs Tue 09-Oct-12 13:21:19

My DCs see their dad every day but that's because I'm their dad and they live with me. They haven't seen their mum for about three months. She goes through periods where she's sober and they see her regularly, and times when she's drunk and they don't see her at all.

Pisses me off TBH but there's cock-all I can do about it.

BertieBotts Tue 09-Oct-12 13:23:31

No, he lost interest just over a year ago and we haven't heard from him since.

DS is just 4, he's ignored his last 2 birthdays.

piglettsmummy Sat 13-Oct-12 22:32:42

My dd is 2 and sees her dad every week, the day changes every week because his Rota changes every week so sometimes he'd have nearly 2 weeks between seeing her or cud she her on a Sunday then the Monday afterwards! It works for us though, we tbh there's no other way!! She doesn't sleep over though she goes 10am-6pm x

sausagesandwich34 Sat 13-Oct-12 22:39:26

my ex has the dcs every other weekend from friday afterschool until monday

in reality, his parents pick them up from school on friday and have them friday nights (he works and they get to see their grandparents so I have no issue with this)
he then picks them up around 11 on saturday, takes them swimming and out for lunch, then takes them back to his parents so he can go out on saturday night
he may or may not pick them up from his parents on sunday, depends if he has stayed over at his girlfriend's or not, but he will be at his mum's with them at sunday tea time for a roast, then he has them sunday night and takes them to school monday morning, unless there is football/rugby on then he will go to the pub with his mates and leave them with his parents again!

the DCs have started playing up when it's his weekend -can't think why???

ToothbrushThief Sat 13-Oct-12 22:42:59

lostdad your post made me want to cry

Why are all dads not like you and why are some mums like your ex?

My ex has seen DD regualrly for 2 months now. 24 hours once a fortnight. He went 3-4 months at the beginning of the year with no contact.

She sat and cried about it. I rang and asked him to see her and he replied 'Can't - I'm going out'

Since then contact has been varied and tbh when he sees her more, it's not a success from my pov. It's obvious she is not a priority. He often has no food in the house (doesn't eat breakfast himself and eats lunch at the pub) She wants it though and therefore I will always facilitate it

ToothbrushThief Sat 13-Oct-12 22:45:29

hmm sausage....bearing in mind ex sees mine for 48 hours each month I have dropped her at girlfriends and know grandparents are a 'presence' plus he took her to work for 5 hours on one of those days

YeahBuddy Sat 13-Oct-12 22:45:40

My ex has never seen our twins. I don't know what I'm going to tell them when they get older and ask why they don't have a daddy... Do I tell them the truth, that he backed out at the last possible second and decided that he wasn't ready to be a dad (despite already having two kids) or do I lie and say he died which, tempting as it may seem, there's every chance that they will find out I lied to them.


ProphetOfDoom Sat 13-Oct-12 23:00:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cynister Sat 13-Oct-12 23:10:43

My exh has our children every weekend. He is free to see them when ever he wishes. My children are older now, though. They often have plans with friends for the weekend or just want to stay at home with mum. He also has two little babies with his new wife, my children complain that they feel like he is more interested in his new children.
It is difficult, i want them to have a great deal of contact with their father. He has always been excellent with them. Things just appear to be at an awkward stage at this time.

GetAllTheThings Mon 15-Oct-12 14:47:08

I see my dd every other weekend for three days and a visit in the week. Also when ever her mum asks me to cover any unforeseen work / event.

I'd love more time with her but it was hard enough getting her mother to agree even to that.

teaandthorazine Mon 15-Oct-12 15:04:43

My ds sees his dad pretty much every weekend, staying over Saturday night. He's 9. We split when he was very young and I have always maintained that regular contact was vital. XH wasn't very reliable at first but over the last few years has got with the programme and we now have a pretty good routine.

I'd be happy for ds to see him even more often, tbh, but he moved far enough away to make casual visits/after-school stuff pretty much impossible, though weekends are manageable. As ds has got older and has more weekend commitments (sport etc) we've had to become more flexible - I can see a time when ds doesn't want to hang out with either of us at the weekend grin

He rarely contacts ds during the week, though, which I've never quite got my head around. I can't manage two days in a row without speaking to ds but I guess it's just what you get used to.

makeminearose Mon 15-Oct-12 17:48:08

I do not know my own father and im trying so hard so the dc do not have my pain and heart ache of not knowing or the questions why? when they are older but he (my xp) is making things v difficult for us all

Meglet Mon 15-Oct-12 20:27:54

Not in 3 years. Which is a good thing as he turned into a very nasty piece of work.

We get maintenance (but no contact or abuse) and that's it.

ratbagcatbag Mon 15-Oct-12 20:35:45

My DH has his now 14YO DS, monday night after school for tea and then takes him to sports club and drops him home at his mums around 9, same on Tuesday, Weds DS stays at ours overnight, Thurs back at his mums and then over to ours for more sport. Weekend is fri/sat one week and then sat/sun the following weekend.
His mum works away so those weeks he stays with us, and we try to book half terms off as well, so he's with us all next week, works fab, just under 50:50 care.

singledadof5 Mon 15-Oct-12 22:49:25

I agree with you mate, but to let the women and all know, sometimes its mums that dont always visit there kids.

makeminearose Tue 16-Oct-12 17:53:54

I am seriously struggling with why? why bring a life into the world if you are not prepared to look after and love them with all your heart??? i certainly could not walk away from mine it does not matter how bad things seem, how selfish are these individuals?

TheDogsRolex Wed 17-Oct-12 04:08:24

Lostdad sad My best male friend brought up three kids on his own and he's the most wonderful parent and a genuinely nice bloke, but there aren't many of them and you're so right. It's difficult when you're automatically dumped on the shit pile for whatever reason. My kids fathers are both assholes in their own way but I don't think all dads are like that.

(Won't stop me whinging about them though grin)

Oh yeah, the original question. dd.....none. ds...every few weeks..

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