Dd is 18 months, she sees her dad once a week on a Monday. Her dad has married and had another baby since we split up.
He is never on time despite warnings and 'punishment' (I hate that word as it sounds like I'm using her as a weapon but I can't think of another word!)
I got her up this morning despite her being poorly and really needing to sleep but hes missed his last 2 weeks with her due to him not organising or turning up patheticly late and me turning him away (I know, I know, but he needs to learn that his actions have consequences does he?) I warned him after his hissy fit last week that he needed to be here at 10 and if he was going to be late then he should next me and if he wasn't here by half past without a text then he needn't bother coming.
I know it sounds harsh but I've fought and fought for over 2 years for him to take a role in Dds life and it seemed to be going ok but our relationship is so on a knife edge that it takes the tiniest thing to tip it over again.
This time it was me telling him that dd has night terrors after seeing him, these are confirmed by the doctor and health visitor. I explained really calmly what the doctor had said and asked him if any of the examples he gave fit Dds typical day with him, he got all defensive and said she's well looked after with him etc etc to which I said of course she is, I'm not implying anything it's just that throwing a small toddler who's used to the quiet life in a room with a DVD and a rabble of feral boisterous 3/4 year olds is likely to be the cause of them so can he just for one week make the effort to have a quiet day without his step daughter and all her cousins and friends. It took a few weeks but he finally gave it a go and turns out I was right.
The utter moment of realisation though came yesterday when I was talking to my friend. Dd had to go to A&E with a meningitis scare (she's fine thank goodness, it's just a virus) and when we got to A&E I text him explaining everything and told him exactly how it was, it was plain clear that I was terrified and he text me simply saying 'keep me posted'. I thought...ok, bit rude but if he's worried then he might have forgotten the please and thought nothing more of it. Yesterday I was telling my friend about it and she asked why the hell he wasn't there?! Because if it was her son that was in that situation with another person then shed be straight there as soon as she could. When she said that, it occurred to me that most parents would do that unless there was a really good reason like having to look after siblings or some thing like that. It occurred to me that I'm so used to him being a useless shit that it never even crossed my mind that he'd come so at the time I wasn't upset or angry because I never considered it as an option. Isn't that sad?
I'm so so sad for dd that she's got a useless shit of a dad and I'm just exhausted with fighting for him to take an interest and fighting with him when he doesn't get his way.
The rules are quite simple and they've been the same from the start. He can have dd has much as he wants, all I want is a decent amount if notice before he arrives and for him to be on time. That's all I want.
I you've read it all, thankyou. I just needed to get it out and write it all down. I don't really like talking about it with my friends a)because it sounds like bitching and b) because dd is with me 9 times out of 10 so I don't want her hearing all this.
And breathe....
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So disappointed for my daughter
4 replies
Wetthemogwai · 01/10/2012 10:49
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