Exh and contact. (sorry long)(4 Posts)
Exh and I seperated in August. We have 3 DC's ages 12, 9 and 4.
Exh was both verblelly and physically abusive to me. On the day we split he went for me whilst I had dd on my lap nearly braking my wrist. I had enough then and asked him to leave. He refused so I called my parents who came and he left.
I got a call from him and I said that he was not coming back and then he put his mum on the phone who told me not to be so silly and forget about what had happend! I sai no and she told his dad who shouted down the phone that he "will kick the fucking door down the I would have to take him back." I said that if they came I would phone the police and hung up. The DC's were stood right next to me and heard his dads threats.
Exh has been seeing the children since he left at my house with me supervising. He has been casuly metioning that he wents the DC's for a week end and I have said no. On sat we were talking arrangements for the fair (where he lives now with his parents) I said I would take the DC's up on the bus and we could all go to the fair then I would bring them home again.
He was not happy with this and said that he was going to have the DC's for the weekend. He would get the bus back, (he works 5 mins away for my house) and I would take the DC's plus overnight stuff to his parents house then come back home.
I said no it was not going to happen and he got nasty again so I told him to calm down or he could leave. He then the started shouting at me telling me I was being silly and that his dad was having a "panic attack" when he threated me. I said that if his dad threatend violance when he had a panick attack the its not safe for the DC's to be there.
he then left after kissing DD bye not the DS's and shouting to them that he would not see them again.
He called to say night to the DC's last night and i let them speak to him he said to DS1 that he will see them today. Not asking me if it was ok. He was ussing not seeing the DC's as a threat to make me change my mind. I do not want him to come today. Whould it be wrong of me not to let him come?
You can't continue to act as supervision for your DC's contact with their Dad if he threatens you and has been violent towards you. It's not fair on the DC's or on you.
Your DC's will benefit from continued contact with him, but only as long as it is in a safe way. If they are seeing their parents arguing, upset, abusive or violent, then that has to stop.
I think you need to find out how you can use the services of a contact centre, unless there is another member of the family that you both trust to supervise?
You can't stop your ex from doing anything that he wants to do, but you can ensure that you are safe - so if you don't want your ex to see the DC's today, then drop him a text to tell him so, and then go out somewhere he can't find you. If he tracks you down, and is abusive or threatening, call the police. You can't withhold contact forever though - there are a number of places you can go to get advice; a solicitor, Womans Aid, Citizens Advice or even a Childrens Centre may be able to help.
you need tp report his violence and his threats to police so it is recorded.
you need to stop supervising contact - he has been violent to you. it isnt appropriate.
you need to find a way for DC to see him but in a safe way . what dot eh DC say/think?
speak to womens aid locally about where to go from here and see a solicitor .
Nothing you have written suggests the children are in danger with him so sort out some suitable contact times & let him get on with it - you don't need to be involved.
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