Practical help needed for moving into rented as a single parent(7 Posts)
H has told me he wants a divorce, and therefore we need to sell the house. Tbh I'm finding the house too much to cope with, so I'm ok with this, but I don't know what to do practically.
I've told him he needs to do all the viewings and the selling, as he is a single man living on his own with a 9-5 job in the same town. I'm a sp with a 4 hour commute each day and a house and child to look after (he isn't dd's father, so contact has already ceased).
I don't know how to fit in packing up the house and moving alongside working full time, as I'm so knackered at the moment it is all I can do to get dd off to bed, and then I fall asleep myself. I was thinking about getting a packing service, but I need to split everything into "mine" and "his", and I need to get rid of a lot of stuff as we will be moving to a much smaller place.
We also have two house rabbits. They are fabulous, but I can't see a landlord letting us keep them as price-wise we are pretty limited to flats, and they are only 95% litter trained (they also like to pee around the litter box!) and will be too much of a handful in a small space. I can't bear to re-home them though, as it will devastate dd.
The emotional upheaval is so huge, I don't know where to even begin!
get some boxes and pack one a day.
enlist a friend to help on a weekend (someone you trust to be brutal about "keep" "charity" and "throw" .
can a friend have the rabbits so you can still visit them ?
What great advice, thank you.
I'm hoping dd's father may have them, as he loves animals, but like me doesn't have the time to give a dog. That way she could have big chunks of time with them when she visits.
The friend idea is genius! I'm going to look round somewhere next week that seems utterly perfect, so I think I've finally burst through the "oh god!" bit of moving somewhere, but I forgot about other people being interested in properties and trying to look around first etc!
Could you get XH to come and help box up his stuff? That way you only have to do yours and DD's.
Or if that's not practical could you just box up all his stuff and get him to shift it? Again it leaves you with less stuff to deal with. I found once I'd boxed up his stuff and it was gone I could think more clearly.
The other thing I did was put a load of stuff on freecycle, I was very specific at when people could collect in my ad so I knew it would be gone by a certain point.
Although I could definately use the money, I didn't have the head space or energy to ebay clothes and stuff so I used www.clothesforcash.com/ I filled up the massive sack, arranged delivery and they sent a cheque. Very simple and cleared a lot of stuff. I didn't get as much as I possibly would have with ebay or facebook but it required very little time or effort and that was more valuable to me as a newly single parent.
Also, use your friends/family as much as you can. I found that it went against my natural instinct of 'I'm fine thanks' as a stock response but people were genuinely happy to help.
Hope my rambling list helps a bit, good luck!
Yes, to giving the rabbits to your ex - tell him they are DD's rabbits and she's love them to come and live with him. Would he take DD any more for you over the next few weeks, to give you a bit of time to pack?
Also - you could ask your employer for time off? - either take holiday or see if they'd let you have some unpaid. Would you be able to work from home on the odd day?
Making a big list of all the things to pack/sort helps, then cross them off when they're done. And try and get some done whilst DD is still awake - let her help, watch TV or amuse herself for a bit, so you're not trying to do it all when she's asleep.
It is a big thing but having moved twice in a year as a single parent (we quite like moving!) my best advice is to be super organised and call in all the help you can.
Before the last time I moved, I sent out a Facebook request for any help available from kindly friends and ended up with six lovely friends who mustered the removal men, unpacked boxes and took my daughter off to the park for a few hours. I even had help from friends of friends who wanted a nosey round my new house! A few weeks later they all came back for dinner.
You are all brilliant, thank you all very much.
H is moving back in to the house (I think!) so I'm just going to leave his stuff in situ. The house I would ideally like to rent is furnished, so it would just be toys, mugs and books that we would take with us. We moved every year before meeting h, but he has sapped so much strength and self confidence from me I find it hard to remind myself that I can do this, and that I am capable. I rang him to tell him that I had possibly found somewhere and he was very charming about it all, and then slowly wormed in the self-doubt, and it has left me fuming! It was things like "this has all happened because you never valued my opinion, you never cared. You will never find anyone else because you are so cold to everyone, but you made me feel so undervalued I don't think I want to come back" No, actually it was because you tried to beat up dd and got drunk constantly. I didn't say that, but was thinking it. "You drove me to everything I did wrong, you are so hard to live with" etc etc. It just leaves me feeling utterly wretched. I hate it. No one else seems to find me hard to get on with or live with!
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