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DD sleeping in bed with her dad and his gf

(20 Posts)
Tillylils Mon 24-Sep-12 18:15:36

My dd is 6, she stays with her dad every other weekend. This weekend when she came home, she told me she had slept in with her dad (nothing unusual there, they had gone to visit his mum and she is nervous sleeping on her own there), but his gf who my dd has known for a few months also shared the bed with them. I feel uncomfortable about this and have asked him not to do this again. My dd seemed ok with it though. Am I overreacting?

Inneedofbrandy Mon 24-Sep-12 18:18:06

I wouldn't of liked it, but surely if your dd didn't want to sleep with him and her she wouldn't of got in bed with them. I don't feel you can tell him to tell his gf to get out of bed because of dd.

Tillylils Mon 24-Sep-12 18:21:50

DD didn't get in with them in the night, that is how they began the night. And there are spare beds at this house, so she could have slept elsewhere.

gettingeasier Mon 24-Sep-12 18:26:18

No way I would go ape but only in my mind because we cant control what the wankers do

balia Mon 24-Sep-12 18:26:50

If she has met the g/f and liked her, wouldn't it be more confusing if the g/f was in another bed?

It might be a bit soon for most but it is his choice and telling him who he can have in his bed is a teensy bit controlling...

colditz Mon 24-Sep-12 18:27:23

Why should someone have to leave their bed because a six year old says so?

ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 18:29:19

I would not of liked that at all and you are not overreacting. no reason for gf to of done this as it is weird seen as there were spare beds in the house.

Hulababy Mon 24-Sep-12 18:30:52

Maybe buy a ready bed type thing for DD to take with her for such situations and she can sleep next to their bed?

Seems a tad unfair on the girlfriend to be ousted from her bed though.

How uncomfortable would you feel if your DD got into bed with you and your partner (if you have/had and of a similar standing) one in such a situation?

Inneedofbrandy Mon 24-Sep-12 18:31:21

Is your dd used to sleeping with you and her df, in her own bed?

You cannot dictate everything your dd is 50% his as hard as that is.

trolls4us Mon 24-Sep-12 18:32:11

i dont think you should worry unless your child comes back upset and says its upsetting or worrying her you would sound like your being jealous or trying to cause trouble if you bring it up and they would enjoy that so leave it alone!

monsterchild Mon 24-Sep-12 18:35:30

This happens with my DSD, and happened when I was dating DH. I was uncomfortable with it, but Dsd would not sleep alone (she sleeps with her Mom quite often), so I've gotten used to it.

there's no saying that it didn't bother Gf, just that your DD and her dad thought it was ok. And as long as there was no hanky panky, I think it's fine.

My Dsd loves sleeping with us and it's actually helped my relationship with her (never to be her Mom, but it has helped us anyway!)
I have however, insisted that she have her own bed at our house so that she can start sleeping alone. Which I think is important. Her dad and Mom aren't as worried about it.

procrastinor Mon 24-Sep-12 18:35:35

I personally can't see the problem. It's a bit soon sure but if she's unfussed then unfortunately there's not much you can say.

kinkyfuckery Mon 24-Sep-12 18:35:40

I'd be concerned as to why a six year old is nervous of sleeping on her own at her grandmother's house.

purpleroses Mon 24-Sep-12 18:52:24

I don't think you can really do much about it - and as you acknowledge it's you that has the problem with it, not DD. You certainly can't expect your ex to oust his GF from the bed when DD is there, so best thing would be to encourage her independance so she is happy to sleep alone - would second the suggestion of a readybed - even if there are other beds in the house, having one that is familiar may help. Does she still sleep in bed with you too?

My guess would be that you won't have to do much about it though - chances are the GF would rather not be 3 in a bed, so most likely she and your ex will come up with some solution on their own.

Tillylils Mon 24-Sep-12 18:56:03

Thank you for the replies. Think I have come to the conclusion that 1) this is my problem as dd seems ok with it and 2) there's not a lot I can do about it anyway. The idea of a ready bed is good, maybe it could go on the floor in their room.

Cloverhoney Thu 04-Oct-12 10:16:00

I agree that you can't control this situation. Personally when my SC get in with my DH and I, I get out of the bed and go and sleep in their beds. But that's because I can't stand having a fidgeting child next to me! I don't let our DD or DS sleep with unless they're genuinely sick so it wouldn't be fair for me to let my SC to.

It's got nothing to do with what my SC's bio-Mum would want. Frankly unless she had some serious abuse concerns, the sleeping arrangements at our house are none of her business. Sorry if that sounds harsh but these dilemmas are consequence of separated families. Frustrating as it is, you just can't control every aspect of what goes on at the NRP's house.

Mintberry Tue 09-Oct-12 17:11:46

balia makes a good point.
I understand why it might seem weird to you, some new woman sleeping in bed with your daughter.
But, if your ex is serious about the new relationship, then maybe it's a good thing in creating stability that his new girlfriend isn't sleeping in a separate bed to your ex on some nights and not others- that might be confusing to your daughter.
As Colditz said, the power to kick your ex's girlfriend out of bed and take her place shouldn't be given to a 6 year old, she might end up controlling as a result. 6 is maybe a good age to start encouraging her to overcome her fear and sleep on her own anyway, so giving her this power might even be a backward step.

Sassybeast Wed 10-Oct-12 16:12:52

I understand your issue.

And FWIW, SS stepped in without a seconds hesitation when Ex announced that the sleeping arrangements he proposed involved him and his GF sharing a bed with my child. It's a completely different kettle of fish if a child wakes upset in the night and needs reassurance, but as a planned sleeping arrangement, you have ever reason to object.

zookeeper Wed 10-Oct-12 22:37:26

I think if it's ok with your ex and your dp then it's ok, although I can understand how you wouldn't like it.

I can't imagine why SS would intervene unless there is history; surely they have bigger fish to fry??

zookeeper Wed 10-Oct-12 22:40:04

sorry; your ex and your dd

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