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Need to offload about nrp crapness

(6 Posts)
crackcrackcrak Sat 22-Sep-12 09:49:19

Exp works away for weeks at a time. When he goes I get to at the v last minute (despite evidence he knew quite a while before the departure date). Now he's due back I get a weeks notice because he might need some of dd equipment but he might not be back on that date......I can't tell dd (3) because I'd je doesn't come it's too confusing.

I support the contact - he is her sad and she does want to see him but we have a few weeks of her being really up and down when he's here followed by her being really calm and settled when he's away. She doesnt know what's going in and that's with set contact days which I fought for because the ad hoc contact he wanted would have been even more confusing for her.
I just want dd to be happy :-(

DoubleYew Sat 22-Sep-12 09:55:57

I know how you feel. Ds is 26 months and contact is all over the place. I am insisting on it being arranged in advance but his dad seems incapable. Trying mediation again in two weeks to sort it out - I am not looking forward to it!

crackcrackcrak Sat 22-Sep-12 10:12:01

Exh refused mediation and just took me to court - and was awarded set contact days which is what I was offering anyway.

Exh is a good parent as long as it suits him. As soon as doing anything is inconvenient it all changes which is what I predicted post split. Also if he thinks he can annoy me somehow that will take priority too. Then there's the sense of entitlement as if she is a toy for him to play with sad

DoubleYew Sat 22-Sep-12 10:56:50

Yes being a parent seems to be about what he gets out of it, not doing what is best for the child. Feel sad I have lumbered ds with a dad like him.

Are you going to raise it with him or is there no point?

crackcrackcrak Sat 22-Sep-12 11:13:52

I will raise it using my best behaved diplomacy skills. This will go on and on though. We are supposed to now down to his work commitments as if he is the prime minister etc. I dread the day dd has school performances wtc and his answer is 'yes if I'm not working' and of course this applies to birthdays, Xmas, any important events whatsoever. I will be there for dd hell or high water - but then I expect to be having chosen to be a parent sad

DoubleYew Sat 22-Sep-12 21:11:16

Do it, even if you don't expect it to change anything, you will be able to say to her when she is older that you did everything to encourage them to have a relationship.

It will be crap for them when they begin to see for themselves what their dads are like but you can only control your actions.

With my ex I don't know if he is actually capable of being a parent. He has mental health issues. I knew he had a rough childhood but it turns out he has lied / blocked out how awful it actually was. I just took ds to see him today and he had fresh bandages so he obviously hasn't stopped self harming as he claimed. Ds does love him but its so hard to know what is in his best interests.

Not the family life you dream of is it?

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