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Finally went to mediation today

(11 Posts)
SidelinedMum Tue 18-Sep-12 15:09:26

After loads of two-ing and fro-ing, and letters, texts and telephone calls from the Chief Exec of the Mediation Company, I finally had a mediation appointment with my exH today.

I had decided that I wanted to address two issues - one was just to tell him that it was my perception that DD was unhappy with some aspects of their relationship and that I felt that they were growing apart. I've tried to talk to him about it before, but he gets defensive and deflects it back on me.
He did the same thing today - which I knew he would - but at least I've tried.

The other was to address the fact that despite adhering rigidly to the schedule, DD has missed out on spending time with him because he refuses to be flexible and he places her in the care of other people. I proposed that we maximise the time DD gets to spend with each parent by being flexible. He agreed, as long as it was still equal confused He is adamant that he will not agree to her spending more than 50% of her time with me, even if that means she misses out on time with him. He would rather she spent a week of the holidays in the care of distantly living extended family and didn't see him at all that week, than spent the days with me while he is at work and evenings/nights after work with him. angry

I don't feel as though we got anywhere, and have no expectation that things will change.

But at least I tried.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 18-Sep-12 21:06:44

Sorry it didn't go as you hoped, but you know you've done all you can.

ProphetOfDoom Tue 18-Sep-12 21:12:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet Tue 18-Sep-12 21:17:16

So he wants to keep her away from you for 50% of the time, but she won't necessarily be with him during 'his' 50%. He's doing it just to spite you rather than care for his daughter shock.

MrsTomHardy Tue 18-Sep-12 22:47:34

That sounds an awful situation sad

I have a very similar situation. You know it's about control don't you? Really regretfully mediation is therefore unlikely to work. It makes me cross and sad. I would love to have a good relationship with ex for sake of DS but not happening yet sad

A friend of mine had issues tho with the ex leaving DC in the charge of other people that the DC either didnt know or only vaguely knew. She was able to get a court order to say that the ex had to be there during contact. The DC were old enough to be unhappy and to be able to say so.

mummystudent Wed 19-Sep-12 18:54:01

veryconfused, Sorry to take this slightly off topic, but could you tell me roughly what the grounds for the court order were? I have been thinking about going for this but am not sure my 'reasons' would be accepted because the relatives in question haven't been classed as a risk to my child. Can you get a court order to kind of... stop your ExP being lazy?
Again, sorry to take this off-topic, but it's the first time I've heard of this actually being successful, and I'm like "yay I might have a chance"...

NotaDisneyMum Wed 19-Sep-12 19:31:34

It's called "right of first refusal" - if one parent is unable to personally care for the DC for any reason, they are court ordered to approach the other parent first.

The mediator I saw yesterday said its quite common in parenting agreements and can be included in court orders too smile

mummystudent Wed 19-Sep-12 23:32:33

Thank you very much :D This is exactly the type of thing I was looking for!

Beantheremyself Thu 20-Sep-12 06:46:25

I think the right of first refusal should be brought in as a standard.

This should be for fathers and mothers, it seems silly to me that the other parent doesn't get first preference.

pinguthepenguin Fri 21-Sep-12 16:49:59

So what did the mediator say?

Why don't you go back to court for right of first refusal? Represent yourself. He will look like a tit

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