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do you want a real laugh (rude if offended do not read)

(26 Posts)
omfgkillmenow Tue 21-Aug-12 00:47:38

I have a vibrator from ann summers, it has a shaft with an anal and clit stimulator either side...My dd(8) was raking in my drawer and found it! She was like what this/ Im like oh its just a baby cactus toy i was going to throw that out...NO NO she says, I like cactuses!! I just swiped it away using the old jammie dodger distraction method....OMG how embarrasing!!

BertieBotts Tue 21-Aug-12 00:49:51


Buy a box with a padlock woman, FGS!

omfgkillmenow Tue 21-Aug-12 00:52:55

i moved it to top shelf...what an arse am I,,,,best think is i canny even use it as allergic to latex!!!!

ItsAPileOfBalls Tue 21-Aug-12 00:55:36

Dontcha just love the wee ones! grin

LeslieKnope Tue 21-Aug-12 01:01:11

I have this

DD (then 3) found it after I'd dropped it under our bed. When asked what it was DP piped up "Mummy's orange roller". I wear rollers.

A few weeks ago I was in the shower and heard DD shrieking half in terror half in delight.

She had found it again, turned it on and dropped it on the floor and was running around the hall shouting "Mummy! Your orange roller is chasing me!!!" as it hopped about after her blush grin

Toys are now buried in the garden Trevor Jordache style.

acrunchieandacupoftea Tue 21-Aug-12 01:01:58

grin hee hee.

amstronger Tue 21-Aug-12 08:17:54

lol.I was cleaning mine in the bathroom,didn't locked door and DD(3) walked on me,tried to hide it but wasn't quick enough,she asked "what's that mummy, can I have a look"blush

fuzzpig Tue 21-Aug-12 08:35:49

Hahaha. I normally keep mine hidden on a high shelf but had forgotten to put it back after use one night so it was resting on my sock drawer... Obviously being bright pink DD was drawn to it and asked why I had a toy bunny rabbit! blush

MrsTomHardy Tue 21-Aug-12 08:44:05

Years ago my young kids found mine and I told them it was a massager.

A few weeks ago I went to an Ann Summers party and brought home a catalogue.
I went to make a cup of tea and my 2 ds (10 and 13) came out into the kitchen holding the catalogue open stating "you told us it was a massager"!!!!!
"why have you got a vibrator????"

How can I answer that!! grin

PedanticPanda Tue 21-Aug-12 08:46:24

When my sister was young (about 7) she overheard my mother mention her vibrator so asked what it was, she replied that it was the bit of exercise equipment under the bed. They hand one of those things where you'd stand on the bottom and pull handles attached to a spring to work your back and arm muscles.

A few weeks later we found out she'd been telling people she sneaks into her mums room and uses her vibrator shock

fuzzpig Tue 21-Aug-12 08:59:05

DH used to run some food stalls in gatwick and accidentally kicked an abandoned bag when he pulled the shutters down one evening. Bag started 'whirring'. He phoned the emergency line and somebody came out with one of those electricity detector things, which went off the scale. They ended up with lots of safety officers looking on while one of those robotic mini tank disarming things drove up to it and opened the bag to pull out a nice big vibrator. Poor shamefaced woman had to come [arf] and collect it!

peppapigpants Tue 21-Aug-12 09:26:42

Could be worse, I had mine confiscated at the airport after our bags were x-rayed (good job it was in DP's bag!)

SPsFanjoSponsoredByFemFresh Tue 21-Aug-12 09:30:54

When I was younger my mum did Ann Summers parties so had a couple of things hidden in the wardrobe. Me and my brother found two vibrators but obviously didn't have a clue what they were.

Mum was outside talking to the neighbours inviting them round. When they walked in there was me and my brother waving this vibrators around like swords! Mum couldn't find the words as he neighbours pissed their selves laughing.

We made it worse by then putting them on the floor and "racing" them!

fuzzpig Tue 21-Aug-12 10:18:48

I actually wondered if she'd had it in her carry-on luggage so it didn't have to get x-rayed...

Why did yours get confiscated?! Is it an offensive weapon?

fuzzpig Tue 21-Aug-12 10:19:43

Or do they all get x-rayed I don't know (not a frequent flyer/never taken vibrator abroad emoticon)

peppapigpants Tue 21-Aug-12 10:30:47

It was on arrival in Dubai..they DO x-ray all luggage, hand baggage etc. Our activities obviously didn't meet with their approval hmm despite the place being notorious for prostitution.

FannyBazaar Thu 23-Aug-12 21:16:40

My DS found mine once and was sitting on the bed playing with it, I was mortified and shouted 'put that down, it is not a toy', then chuckled to myself all day about it not being a toy...

He has a habit of fiddling with anything new he sees. I caught him playing with my mooncup in the bathroom after I'd left it on the edge of the bath to dry (did he have it in his mouth?) and was furious so decided to try to explain what it was for to scare him off, really kind of hoping he'd think it was disgusting and never touch it again. He took it all in his stride, think he was 5 or 6 hmm. Did not appear put off at all.

roomoo Thu 23-Aug-12 22:04:37

I had an experience back last summer while I was in work my then 5yo ds carried mine to his nan and said 'look at mammys gun nan, it does this'
After that event they are put up high.
I was mortified when I came home & she told meblush
A year later I can have a laugh about it now, seen as she still likes 2 tell the story

timeforathink Mon 24-Sep-12 18:26:08

I remember my mum visiting and me and my ds5 , ds wanted her hair curly so i told her to go upstairs and get the curlers , i went off to make a cup of tea , came back in the living room to my mum trying to wind ds hair round smile, (yep youve guessed it )and even funnier mum had no idea what it was and was trying to turn it on , the cups of tea nearly went everywhere lol, it was all i could do to mumble that doesnt work ill get the other one lol .

gettingeasier Mon 24-Sep-12 18:32:09


like the Fuzzpig one best just the thought of all these earnest security men !!

memphis83 Mon 24-Sep-12 18:41:47

Years ago my sisters bf was known to be a bit kinky and as a joke I bought her a whip from a facy dress shop. Next thing you know my nephew who was about 3 was
lks in and starts whipping my Dad saying 'Look Grandad, Mummy's cowboy toy' we laughed and my Dad just walked from house in silence, it was never mentioned again grin

beautyfades Mon 24-Sep-12 20:40:17

hehe same happend to me.. i said its for massaging..... shame of it tho sad.

TidyGOLDDancer Mon 24-Sep-12 20:45:23

DP once gave baby DD a cock ring as a teething toy. shock

In his defence, it was kind of teething ring shaped, and it had never been used, but it still horrified/amused me no end. grin

Roseformeplease Mon 24-Sep-12 20:48:32

My daughter interrupted us, mid usage, shouting from her bedroom about being attacked by a giant bee. In our defence, the door was closed and, in fact, it turned out to actually be a wasp.

FannyBazaar Mon 24-Sep-12 21:13:32

Cock ring teething toy PMSL. grin

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