Indirect Contact

[jonandrew]

Hi
This is my 1st post and would really appreciate your advice.
After 3 years of trying to get regular contact with my 2 children (now aged 12 & 8) following an acrimonious divorce, I have been awarded indirect contact by the courts.
I am bitterly disappointed with this as I feel the children have been alienated against me by their mother after 2 years of not seeing them. Indeed the CAFCASS officer & child phsycologist agreed their mother's hostility towards me had a big bearing on the children's view of me but ultimately the court decided at this time it was in the children's best interest not to have direct contact with me. The court ordered the mother to send me a monthly update of the children's progress at school etc and to facilitate delivery of letters, cards etc and birthday, Christmas presents etc.
I today attended the youngest boy's school sports day and did not speak with him apart from a cheery "well done L" and a thumbs up as he passed me.
His mother then proceeded to shout at me for breaking the court order. I do not think I have as there are no restraining orders etc against me....what do you think??
many thanks
Jon

[countydurhamlass]

yes unfortunately you have broke the court order because indirect contact is things like emails, letters, cards. turning up at school when your son is there means that there is a chance you will see them and therefore it is direct contact.

you have pr for the children and therefore there is nothing stopping you contacting the school directly to obtain updates from them about how the children are progressing. you could even arrange an appointment to see the teacher/head teacher after school hours when your children will not be there.

you need to stick to the court order as if things go well there is nothing stopping you in six months or so time applying back to the court to vary the Order to something more substantial. i would stick to writing letters, sending photos etc weekly/fortnightly.

[jonandrew]

Thanks for the reply. Thought I'd just update you.
I took advice from the court & my solicitor and I havent broken the court order.
The contact order is an order to the resident parent instructing what contact they must facilitate. There is nothing within that order that restricts me(as the non resident parent) in any way whatsoever.
Having said that it wouldnt surprise me if the childrens' mother now applies for some kind of prohibitive order against me, seeing as she is particularly vindictive and malicious!!
Any thanks again for taking the time to reply and hopefully we've all learned something!!

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

Hi Jon,

My XP has indirect contact only as well which he chooses not to take up however we were told differently by the courts and the solicitors. We were told that the court order applies to both of us, and that thus the contact order limited his contact to indirect only.

[STIDW]

A contact order stipulates arrangements for the parent with the majority of care to facilitate contact but since December 2008 warning notices are attached to all new contact orders and served on both parties. So strictly speaking you are both bound by the warning notice.

In any event if your son witnesses outbursts of temper it will put him off contact and undo any good from the indirect contact so frustrating though it may be I would keep well away for the time being.

[Sassybeast]

Apologies but I don't understand ?

You have a court order which says that your contact must be indirect, but in reality, you aren't restricted and can do what you like ?

Am confused

[Latemates]

I think he means. Mum was preventing contact. So he went to court where they ordered mum to facilitate indirect contact - meaning that she must pass on the letters etc by law and I imagine is is a short term thing which will be returning to court to increase to direct contact that she must comply with also.
Meaning that the court order is to the mum and not one that the court has issued to ensure a child at risk from a abusive parent does not have contact with the abuser. If that makes sense

[jonandrew]

thanks again for your feedback everyone :-)
There is a warning notice on the contact order but only to the mother (the resident parent) of the consequences for her if she does not comply with the order. I guess every contact order is different and some may contain directions and warnings to both parents....in my case it doesn't.
There would need to be some kind of "prohibitive steps" order in place to place restrictions on my movements according to my solicitor, although having fought for contact for 3 years I am used to conflicting & misleading advice and nothing no longer surprises me having lost faith in the authorities.
I completely agree that the best way to achieve contact is to win over "hearts & minds", but to be honest I've long since come to the conclusion that if the resident parent is determined to alienate your children against you, to be blunt, you're stuffed!! :-(

[Add123]

Hi i need a bit of advice . My ex has a restraining order on him so he cant go near me or the children have direct or in direct contact .hes called one of the schools is this indirect contact.?

[Sunbeam1112]

Seems fishy me having experienced court that you would be given indirect court not even a contact centre..i think your not telling the posters all the information.

[Add123]

The siblings is going to contact centre meeting each other. There dad isnt allowed to see them and is acrestrint order. He had rung one of the schools is he allowed to do that?

[GunShotResidue]

Add123 you will get more responses if you start your own thread in legal asking for adice :)

[starry0ne]

I agree it would be worth starting your own thread but assuming he has PR he is legally entitled to updates.. Is he contacting for updates or to attend events?

[Justme191]

Hi I have been to court with my ex twice he was given indirect contact until they gathered more information from me him etc, he hasn't contacted his children at all no letters nothing and it's been one of there birthdays what will happen when we go back to court,