Right - this will be long. I apologise in advance.
Ex and I split a few weeks ago - about 6 or 7. I doubt we will get back together as Ex has told me has met someone else and is now seeing her. For info - ex works in the public sector, but does shifts that can change from week to week (i.e. diffferent days off) however previously he has worked different set shift patterns.
Since splitting I have been quite keen on getting Ex to maintain relationship with DS. HOwever Ex has other ideas. He has not been interested in coming to the house after work to do bedtime routine with DS (10 months old) or take him out to the park etc when he has an afternoon off. In the last few weeks have had to make major changes about living arrangements - moving house with DS - and going back to work and sorting childcare. Have tried to takl to Ex about these and tried to get him involved in ddecisions (particularly the one about childcare) but he does not seem to think he needs to be. Also DS has a health problem. So far Ex has only turned up to the hospital appointment that was on his day off. The other one he never bothered to even acknowledge it. I have had to make a decision about a major operation for him - Ex left this up to me.
I have been trying to discuss with Ex about getting a regular contact arrangement set up. I have tried to explain to him how important it is that the relationship is maintained through regular contact, and that it needs to become part of a routine for DS, particulalry as I am going back to work, so set days would be good. I know that Ex has the ability to request family friendly hours, but so far has seemed disinclined to do so.
He will not discuss a proper contact arrangement and thinks that texting me shortly before he wants to see DS for the day/ weekend is fine. He has even text me at 6am wanting to see DS that evening. It has been very stressful trying to accomodate this, and he has accused me of making it difficult for him to see DS.
I have finally got him to agree in advance some days over the next few weeks, but they are all over the place. Sometimes with nearly three weeks in between days. Ex gets every other weekend off work and had orginally said he wanted DS these weekends, but has backtrcked on that now.
DS went to Ex's this weekend. Friday night to Sunday afternoon. HOwever, on his return I have found out that Ex left DS with his parents on Friday night, Saturday night and SUnday day, so effectively only saw him on Saturday and short time Sunday morning. I'm sad for DS as the whoel point is that he gets to spend time with DS.
Should I care that Ex does not seem interested in decisions in DS's life? SHould I continue to try to make him?
Should I push for a regular contact arrangement? At the moment I am thinking no as at least he is with me if his dad isn't interested! I mean I would happily take him to his grandparents.
Should I caer about the fact that DS didn't spend much time with his dad over his weekend that was supposed to be about being with his dad? SHould I try to do something about it?
I am sitting here thinking - surely I shouldn't be having to push Ex to be a better dad - but then DS is the one who loses out!!!
Any advice.
Sorry that was so long
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Not sure what to do... or whether I should even be bothered???
15 replies
giantpurplepeopleeater · 09/10/2011 20:41
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