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grrrr another issue with ex!

(8 Posts)
MissPricklePants Sun 09-Oct-11 16:05:19

dd has a home visit slt app due and my ex is going nuts as I will not allow him into my home. He has ssid that if I refuse to let him attend it he will cancel it and demand that dd goes to the clinic!can he do thst?I just want to get the app done so I can help dd with her speech and given his past behaviour this seems to be more of an attempt to control me rather than be a caring dad who attends things and helps dd iykwim.

RedHelenB Sun 09-Oct-11 18:00:50

Why not both go to the clinic?

hairylights Sun 09-Oct-11 19:04:49

I can see why he might want to attend something so important about his daughter. But I can also see you have a right to choose who comes into your home.

Agree with the suggestion of both going to clinic with dd.

MissPricklePants Sun 09-Oct-11 19:09:23

we have tried that already but he is abusive and dd isn't very comfortable around him!probs will have to go to the clinic so he won't cause any more hassle.

gillybean2 Sun 09-Oct-11 21:25:39

Does he have PR? If he has PR he has a right to medical info about dd. This doesn't mean he has a right to be at every appointment or to cancel them without good reason.

"Fathers without PR can’t authorise medical treatment for their children (except in emergencies), see their medical records, manage any money they’ve inherited, or prevent their adoption or change of surname or removal abroad."
Basically if he doesn't have PR he has no right to the info about any of this (although clearly it is best to communicate on important matters).

With PR I don't think he can prevent treatment/appointments you agree too unless he wants to take you to court over it. He can ask to have his own separate appointment or to talk to someone about it afterwards if he wants too. He can't insist he be at the appointment with you if you refuse to have him there. In the same way that at school he can make a separate appointment to see the teacher and doesn't have to be there with you.

Ask him to think of your dd's welfare here; this is about her not about him. She shouldn't feel stressed or upset at this appointment and the home visit has been arranged for a reason.
If he simply has to kick up a fuss you could try and change it to the clinic. But if the medical professionals want to see dd in her own environment then your ex should respect their judgement and do what is best for dd.

Perhaps offer to video it for him if he really needs to see what is happening - covertly so dd isn't aware of it.
And suggest he speaks to the doctor/therapist himself afterwards if he prefers to hear it from them rather than from you.

cestlavielife Sun 09-Oct-11 23:13:09

no - this is a vist to her home environment with you. he doesnt live ni your home so there is no reason for him to eb terhe in your home.

SLT wants to s e if ther e i s anything at home she can suggest you do differently, maybe nothing but is standard with small children to visit at home. for example wtih speech issues - about choices eg at snack/meal times. maybe suggesting ways of bring circles of communcaition into choice making at home - eg she has to sign/speak/ask for her snack; make choices about snacks or play time etc. about what you have on your fridge door - eg she might suggest making it simple not pictures - but put there picture sof her fav foods yogurt milk cheese - so she goes to fridge and has vistual clues to ask for what she wants. maybe otherr practical things to do at home .

ideally she shoudl also vist him at his home with her as well.

he shoud/could arange a separate home visit to his home on one of his contact visits.

dont be bullied. keep repating to him "no this a home visit to her home with me, you can arrange a separate home visit to your home". "

MissPricklePants Sun 09-Oct-11 23:24:41

i think a home visit to his home isnt going to happen as he refuses to see dd during the week only on the day stated in the court order when he turns up!i dont want to end up in court regarding this as we have a final order in place and its over with. But I don't want to be bullied into it either!i just want to do whats best for dd and he is being a control freak about it!argh!

cestlavielife Sun 09-Oct-11 23:28:21

well that is his problem really.
he doesnt come in your home full stop. he can go to an appt at the clinic.
that is it.

if needs be you will have to tell him you no longer communicating with him except thru third party.

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