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am I the only single parent who doesn't allow her child to rule her social life?

(20 Posts)
MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:22:13

Don't mean to offend but this is a genuine question.

I'm a single mum of a single child, and plenty of my friends are also single mums of single children.

I obviously put my son first but I wouldn't allow DS to decide whether we go out with this friend or not, I wouldn't stop meeting with good friends because DS may get bored with their children, I don't cancel holidays at the last minute because my son decided he was not in the mood, and I don't cancel previously arranged outings because DS decided he would rather stay in having a pijamas day...

I work FT so it is difficult to do things during the week but we normally split the weekend in 3 parts: one for DS to meet with friends, one for me, and another where there is something interesting for the two of us.

So, is this normal to let the children rule or is it me needing different friends?

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:23:45

No idea what you're talking about.

BlowHole Sat 08-Oct-11 13:26:46

I'm not sure what you're talking about either, but it's good to give children the illusion that they have some control over their lives, or they start to rebel and make your life difficult wink

AmberLeaf Sat 08-Oct-11 13:29:51

I think that when you have children one of the things you have to accept is that your social life will not be the same as it once was.

I dont consider that allowing my children to dictate my social life, I consider that being a parent.

mama2alex Sat 08-Oct-11 13:35:03

I don't think there is anything wrong with that, in fact I think if you were only doing what he wants all the time you run the risk of him turning into a spoilt little brat as he is an only child. So think you are doing the right thing basically. Think I pretty much do the same.

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:36:08

That's not possible mama2alex - OP is the only LP in the world who has a life hmm

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:36:27

yy BlowHole grin

MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:36:30

Yes, I totally agree, with giving them the illusion they are in charge but, for example:

I have a friend who has been single since her child was a baby. Child is seventeen now and she is the one deciding whether her mum can meet with her friends or not. Actually, I would go as far as saying that I have her the child saying that if her mother ever have boyfriend she will kill her shock

I know another one who is not meeting her best friend anymore because their children don't seem to get along so well. Is not that the children are beating each other or anything of the sort... they don't seem to entertain each other as well as before (the children are 7).

And I have another friend who has asked us all (a big group) to go to another restaurant once we had found a table, sat and ordered because her 4 year old decided he didn't like anything in the menu and wanted sausage and chips.

The list could go on...

That's the thing I'm talking about... Am I getting the wrong end of the stich and should I put my child on charge?

DISCLAIMER: I don't force my child to do things he hate, I just ask for some mutual consideration...

MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:38:31

...and yes, I insist that I have a right to a social life as much as my child does.

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:39:54


MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:42:40

I'm getting the point grin

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:45:02

Sorry, that was a little rude.

Seems to me that you just wanted to have a moan about your friends. Which is ok smile

MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:48:12

Yes, I'm having a right rant, sorry. But I'm a bit fed up today of having plans cancelled and getting my child upset about the cancelled plans..

KatharineClifton Sat 08-Oct-11 13:52:38

No need to be sorry. Moan away! Can you not do something different instead? I really should do something but am sitting in kig in front of computer and kids are pretending to tidy their playroom. That should keep them busy for most of the day smile

PaigeTurner Sat 08-Oct-11 14:42:25

No, I don't think children should have the last say over a parent's social life, however, my mother used to cart me round to all her "engagements" (play rehearsals, dinner parties etc) and never did anything a child would particularly enjoy - so I guess there are extremes on both sides.

Hullygully Sat 08-Oct-11 14:44:14

It's all a flexible process of negotiation, single parent or not.

NoNoNoMYDoIt Sat 08-Oct-11 17:51:50

indeed hullygully. was about to say - this sort of behaviour is not just the preserve of lone parents. have seen 'princess terrorist' behaviour condoned by parents who are together also.

TastyMuffins Sat 08-Oct-11 23:50:26

IKWYM about the bloody sausage and chips, I have a friend who's DS is such a fussy eater I get sick of suggesting meeting up only to be told friend needs to check if DS would be happy with the suggestion. But it is definitely not exclusive to single parents. I guess with lots of parents who are still together that they just don't take the kids to stuff they won't enjoy and one parent stays with the kids while the other goes out.

MeMySonAndI Sun 09-Oct-11 00:23:00

That's exactly what I mean... the "I'll check with DS/DD to see if s/he is interested", or what is worse "DS/DD doesn't feel in the mood today/preffers to do something different/has changed his/her mind" and then I end up with a child upset after being looking forward to whatever we were doing just for the little madam/prince to call it off at the very last minute.

I agree this is no exclusive domain to single parents with single children, but I think is bad all the same... how on Earth are children expected to learn to cope/make the best of difficult situations in life if the parent(s) pander to every whim?

solidgoldbrass Sun 09-Oct-11 10:32:29

I am much firmer with DS over this sort of thing than his dad is - I am trying to teach DS that it is unkind, unfair and bad manners to let people down at the last minute just because you don't feel in the mood for honouring an arrangement, and also that you have to compromise sometimes on social events because the world doesn't revolve around your needs.

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