newly separated - sorting out holidays

[PeepToes]

I separated from my H a few months ago. We have 3 dcs (18mo, 3y and 5y) and at present the contact arrangements are every second weekend, and half school holidays. I have the kids the rest of the time. We live 65miles apart.

So, he has proposed that as we were separated (the first time) over Xmas last year, and they were with me at Xmas, he should get them the first half Xmas hols. That seems ok but I took them through to his parents on Boxing day last year where they stayed till New Year.

Also he is proposing that they spend 4 weeks with him in the Summer - I wondered whether that was a long time for such little kids to be far from me.

I would be interested to hear about your arrangements ? experiences.

Thanks!

[YoFluffy]

It took us a year to get a routine sorted so I wouldn't necessarily take what happened last year as the rule book, but it's worth trying to set up a pattern for going forward.

Half the holidays - do you want that to be in a block or to break it up into smaller bite size chunks? I'd find 4 weeks too long personally, but what's one man's meat is another's poison, it's important to find something that suits the children and the two of you.

If you set a pattern for Christmas / Easters/ birthdays etc, it may be worth swapping it over each year so you both get a chance to enjoy these celebrations with the children in rotation.

Probably not much help (sorry ), but don't feel you have to agree to something if you're not entirely happy. Aim for fairness but there's nothing wrong with putting forward counter proposals.

[chelen]

Hi, first year my OH was separated he just split the summer hol first half away, 2nd half home, it was pretty traumatic for both him and his son (who lives with dad). Now they do smaller chunks.

I think 4 weeks is way way too long for the younger kids, especially for the little one. IMO Your ex is thinking of himself but not the kids.

[MrGin]

My arrangement with mum of dd who is almost three, has been up till now short but frequent visits rather than longer stays with me. Building up to, hopefully a week away next year, and I'd hope by the time she's 4 I can look into longer holidays away.

I try and take days off here and there to help mum out where possible. e.g. if she has a doctors appointment I'll take dd out for the day and use a day of holiday from work.

I agree 4 weeks away from mum is a bit much, and 65 miles isn't that much of a distance in the general scheme of things.

[Maybee]

A tricky one to sort out. I have 3 dc 9, 3 and 2 and we separated almost a year ago. I moved to Ireland where I am from and my x lives in Scotland but is from Canada. He comes over to see them for a weekend twice a month and has to come to my home to see them which can be a real strain. Last year he spent Christmas day and night in the family home with us but I don't know what to do this year. During the summer our 9yr old went to Canada with him for 2 weeks then he got a holiday house near me and spent 2 weeks with all 3 dc. However they came back and forward to me at intervals when they wanted. I would not agree to the youngest two going on holiday with him until they are older so he will come to them for now. Kids don't always want to be away during their hols as they like to be around their friends as well so rather than a 50% split I try and work out what is best for them and work around it. My x tries to divide everything up mathematically but life isn't like that. I'm preparing myself for a big fuss over Christmas this year but i'm hoping he'll come here for a week and get a chalet or something so they can spend part of the hols with him. My x didn't even get out of bed to see our 1st son on his 1st Christmas am. I get the impression my dc would want Santa to come to their home so they will wake up to their pressies at home but could go to him later. As much as i think it is good for them to spend time with their dad and good for me to get a break sometimes i resent that he often gets to cherry pick parenting.
I hope you sort something out amicably.