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Ex moving in with another man, explaining the situation to DS

(10 Posts)
TastyMuffins Fri 30-Sep-11 23:23:36

Mu ex is moving in with another separated Dad. DS is friends with the other Dad's DS and they see a lot of each other at and after school. Unfortunately, ex has very little contact with DS and we have no dialogue, the other Dad has an almost 50/50 shared care arrangement with his ex. DS does not yet know about the move but if not told will soon find out from his friend.

I'm worried about how this will effect DS who longs to spend time with his father or even speak to him on the phone. He still thinks his Father is living with his partner who he was planing to marry. I can only assume they have split up but don't have any answers for DS. I don't know how he will cope with his friend staying at the same place as his father but he won't be. Even if ex does decide he will spend more time with DS, he would never manage anywhere near as much as the other Dad and knows sweet FA about DS.

Tyr Fri 30-Sep-11 23:30:48

What age is your son and why does he have very little contact with his dad?

TastyMuffins Fri 30-Sep-11 23:33:15

He's 6. Ex just doesn't bother. Contact has gradually dwindled in the 4 and a half years since we separated. Usually after seeing DS, ex says 'see you in two weeks' and then we don't hear from him for two months. It has been 5 months now since DS spent time with ex.

Tyr Fri 30-Sep-11 23:37:43

Oh dear. Maybe the other dad will shame him into taking more of an interest. In the meantime, all you can do is tell your son the truth.

TastyMuffins Sat 01-Oct-11 08:09:23

Yes, I can only hope that he is a good influence and suspect he thinks he can help ex but also worry that he doesn't realise just how hopeless ex is. Not sure the men have even thought about how contact with my DS will work and what having two boys there will involve. It is unlikely that DS will be provided with his own bed to sleep in either. I just wish ex would explain to his son what he plans to do.

Tyr Sat 01-Oct-11 12:30:22

If your son is friends with the other child, it will make contact better for him and it sounds like there will be a more responsible parent there too which can only be a good thing. There is no reason why a 6yr old can't share a bed with his dad or the other child, if need be. I wouldn't worry too much about it and don't let your son pick up on any anxieties you have. If he enjoys the contact, he'll adapt pretty readily to the circumstances.

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 12:43:15

LOL - your title is a little misleading grin I thought you were going to ask about how to explain a gay relationship to your DS!

Hopefully being with the other bloke will make your Ex up his game! I don't think there is much to explain to your DS - Daddy isn't living with 'partner' anymore he's going to live at 'friends Dads' for a while.

I don't see a problem with him sharing his Dads bed or with him having a blow up bed for the little amount of time he's going to spend sleeping there. If it turns into a regular thing maybe the other guy will suggest bunk beds or something.

TastyMuffins Sat 01-Oct-11 15:20:19

Explaining a gay relationship would be easier.

I'm not happy with him sharing a bed as his Dad smokes and has a drink problem, he snores loudly too. DS used to come back from staying with his father reeking of cigarette smoke from sharing his bed. I am wondering about getting a folding bed.

Ex has now spoken to DS, not sure he has taken it in though as DS's main concern is when he is going to see his father next.

With the boys I feel there will be some inequality in the situation and wonder if it will be harder for DS to accept his friend having more Dad time.

I guess only time will tell how it will all work out.

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 15:23:27

Oh fair enough - I wouldn't be happy with that either. Another option is one of those roll up bed/sleeping bag combos.

Did his father not say when he would see him?

He's a real feckless father isn't he. A total disgrace.

Yes - only time will tell, but I really really hope the other bloke is a positive influence on your ex.

TastyMuffins Sat 01-Oct-11 15:44:57

Bed option needs to be really easy to do, if ex finds blowing up a bed too much hassle, he won't bother.

Totally feckless but will be living with an involved hands on Dad! I suspect the other Dad is not fully aware how far removed from DS ex actually is.

So far ex has mentioned to DS that he will call him tomorrow morning and arrange to see him then. He also said he will see 'a lot more' of DS. No communication with me as to what contact this actually means, knowing ex, he won't actually be able to give any idea of days and times. Last time DS stayed with him, he asked when he should bring him back and was appalled at the idea of having him for up to 24 hours!

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