Are there any other Mums in a shared care arrangement where Dad takes control of every situation involving DC's and does it "his" way using the justification that he has a "right" as their father?
Not sure where i'm going with this really - just feeling a bit alone and uncertain; hoping someone may get where I'm coming from or share my situation (misery loves company 
)
I have a BD10 (year 6) who has an informal (non-court ordered) 50:50 care arrangement between myself and her Dad (exH). We have a parenting agreement in place, which sets out financial and other responsibilities.
exH and I separated over 2 years ago, and divorced within 6 months. It was an incredibly turbulent time; exH behaved chaotically and was quite possibly suffering from some form of mental breakdown; he upset and alientated many of the professionals involved due to his behaviour (including a mediator, who walked out of a session, and who exH subsequently threatened). Other aspects of his behaviour led to my reporting him for harrassment; he considered that I should agree to any and all contact with him, because it was "in DD's best interests" and some of his demands and expectations were bizarre and unreasonable at best! He also involved DD unecessarily - asking her to keep secrets from me, and to provide him with information about unrelated issues that I was unwilling to talk to him about 
As a result of the issues between us, I have maintained the minimal contact necessary with exH to maintain DD's 50:50 care arrangement. The majority of contact between us is via email, and as DD has got older, face to face contact has been less necessary.
Until now. DD is due to change schools next year, and the application has to be submitted in a few weeks.
The form was send home with DD when she was with exH, who returned it to me, sending me a txt saying the form was "for me". However, it has his address on it, which not surprising, because exH changed DD's address with all the various services & agencies soon after the separation (he also put a Royal Mail forward on her mail, and tried to change her GP, as well). His address places DD in an entitlement area for a totally different school to the one she would go to if her address was here. The guidelines for completion state that in shared care situations, the address of the child will be that where the Child Benefit is paid - which is to me, at present.
I emailed exH and asked him if he wished to take DD to any of the open evenings at local schools, as they all fall on evenings that she is in my care. He replied, thanking me, and stating that he intended to take her to all five of the secondary school open evenings in the region, and after he had been with her to all of them, he suggested that the three of us sit down to complete the application form.
So far, my only response has been to tell him that if DD attends a school outside the town we live in, then I will be unable to pay for her transport. He has confirmed that he would be willing to pay.
I feel as though I am being steamrollered into doing things his way and that DD is being set up for disappointment if she doesn't get the school she chooses, but I don't really want to challenge exH outright because based on previous behaviour, he'll drag DD into the disagreement and get her involved unecessarily. My plan is to leave exH to do his own thing, and then once he actually needs me to participate in some way, then set out my position and opinions - but it's really hard to sit back and be trampled on in the mean time!
Thoughts? Am I being too passive? Should I challenge him at this stage? I don't mind him taking DD to open evenings, I can always visit the schools at another time and I'm happy as long as DD is with this, but I hadn't considered all the schools as possibilities and so far, exH has not even alluded to the fact that I might have an opinion!
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Am I alone in this?
NotaDisneyMum · 28/09/2011 17:59
Thanks all - MN gave me the strength to speak to exH on the phone.
He claims that he didn't know that the LA had his address as primary; says he didn't read the letter before he sent the application pack to me.
He is adamant that DD should view all the schools in the area (she can apply for all five but entitlement is only for one at each address).
I can't decide whether to leave him to it, or get onto the LA, change BDs address back based on CB payments and fill in the form myself, or leave him to it. He is giving DD more say in the decision than I would, so his decision may be led by her BUT, she is very adept at saying what she knows/thinks the parent involved wants to hear and he uses that to his advantage
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