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Way of getting ex to take responsibility?

(6 Posts)
splashymcsplash Wed 21-Sep-11 18:52:26

I am trying to get xp to take responsibility for dd. He refuses to see her for weeks then demands to see her as she is his property. Nothing I do/say seems to make a difference, so hoping somebody else could talk some sense into him! Many other issues too of course.

Does anyone heard anything/have any experience of co-parenting workshops? I'm looking specifically for something in London but grateful for any experiences/ideas.

Many thanks!

Reposting from relationships as had no reply, surely I'm not the only one in this situation?

MeMySonAndI Wed 21-Sep-11 21:40:44

I'm afraid there are not much you can do if he doesn't show interest. But it may help to have some clear boundaries, for the sake of the child, on when that contact happens.

Try to set a fix date and only be available at that time. My ex started showing later and later to pick up DS for overnight contact, a problem that continued until I turn him around and told him that once that DS was in bed he was not allowed to take him to his house. It did work for a while.

WRT to co parenting workshops, I believe the Separated Family association offers some in certain cities. But, if no workshops are available a good help is the book they publish: Putting Children First (you can get it from Amazon)

Another possibility is to arrange contact through Mediation. You will find more details about mediation services in your local yellow pages.

splashymcsplash Wed 21-Sep-11 22:33:54

Thank you, I have contacted them regarding courses. I couldn't see any details on the website.

I also ordered their book through amazon and have it sent to ex. Whether he will read it or not is another matter.

I totally agree with what you are saying about interest, all I want is either regular and consistent contact. If he is not willing to agree to that then it is best for her that is not a part of her life.

If anyone has any other experiences/advice to add I would be very grateful.

cestlavielife Thu 22-Sep-11 09:49:13

www.tccr.org.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=93:parenting-together-service&catid=35:counselling-a-psychotherapy-services&Itemid=95

you can also try anna freud centre
www.annafreud.org/pages/services.html

but if he isnt that interested the chances of your ex committing to turning up are limited...still you could offer for dd sake.

i think though you jsut need to keep emailing him that it is better for dd tehre is a set routine - and if once a month is all he can make then make it a regular once a month visit. but set the date and stick to it.

also i tmay eb importnat later that you have shown you ahve tired to offer contact on a regualr basiss - so emails are better record .

just to the point - how about you see dd on xx day from xx time to xx time at xx place. and same next month etc

niceguy2 Thu 22-Sep-11 10:29:56

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

gillybean2 Thu 22-Sep-11 19:05:27

Nothing you can do to make him take responsibility, he has to choose to do it.

I suggest you write to him offering regular contact arrangements. Explain that dd needs regular contact and to know when she will see her dad next. Say you can't agree to adhoc contact as the normal situation and ask him to confirm in writing that he agrees to the contact you have offered or to suggest an alternative arrangement if what you suggest does not suit him.

Keep a copy of your letter and send it recorded delivery so you can prove he received it.
If he responds verbally, email or text etc then keep a not of the date, time, details etc.
He will either fall in line or give up contact. If he gives up for now he may change his mind in the future and you will have your back up proof of what you offered should he take you to court when he gets a new girlfriend he wants to impress for refusing contact.

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