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DS not happy with contact - advice please

(3 Posts)
snoopdogg Sat 17-Sep-11 17:34:13

Bit of background - ex moved out last December, we have two DS aged 7 and 3. He had erratic contact at first but it finally settled in about May to day time at weekends. He wanted a contact order rather than making an arrangement between ourselves and that was finalised two weeks ago. We have now agreed alternate weekends, tea once a week, half holidays. We have a progression plan as he has not had staying contact previously whereby we start with alternate saturday nights, move to two night weekends after half term and a mid week overnight in the new year.

Our split was and remains acrimonious, he will not speak to me or make eye contact, he will not communicate about the children, everything is in written form. Handovers are tense and hostile. I have tried mediation, his legal representatives have told him he needs to communicate with me - he sacked them, we have both attended 'separated parenting' courses and we had a social worker involved over the summer who has stressed the need for communication for the benefit of the children. He refuses.

The problem - DS1 does not want to stay over. He has always been an anxious child and a poor sleeper. ex has never been involved in his bedtime routine. Ex was in own room for last three years of our relationship and ds1 and I co-slept. DS2 is a completely different kettle of fish, has always slept through in his own bed etc etc

I am completely supportive of staying contact and know it is best for us all in the long term, but how do I manage the transition without the co-operation of my ex?

GypsyMoth Sat 17-Sep-11 17:37:48

What was the social workers opinion of this problem? And how dies your ex propose to handle it?

snoopdogg Sat 17-Sep-11 17:43:57

Social worker stressed that effective communication between the two of us was the key to making it work so that DS1 feels secure going to dads. Ex is yes man to faces of authority and poisonous to me. He will not communicate.

Feel a bit hopeless at the moment and it's only the second overnight - I felt so positive after we'd had the whole social worker intervention because she spent ages with both of us and I know she addressed the communication issue at length and I thought she'd got through to him - she certainly seemed confident that she had. I know I can't change him and don't sweat it anymore but I thought he'd see what was in the best interests of the children.

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