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reposting:who pays for transport with NRP

(10 Posts)
Rhymenoseros Thu 15-Sep-11 20:53:30

i've reposted from parenting.

Which parent pays the costs? What if its the NRP that has moved away thus creating costs for contact?

The situation I am in is that my DS's dad is now in a position to have them visit him at his flat, around 25 miles away.

He has arranged to meet them at the nearest train station to his and has made no arrangement for the train tickets- therefore I will be paying the fares for both the boys at least one way. They will also need to catch a bus from our area to the train station. The total cost being £16. Whilst its not a huge amount of money its more than triple what they get in maintenance each week.

I don't mind paying it as a one off but I will find it hard to find the money if contact is going to become a regular occurrence,I am interested in how others work it out and what is reasonable.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING Thu 15-Sep-11 20:56:42

Message withdrawn

MrGin Thu 15-Sep-11 21:06:55

For me as an nrp living 25 miles from dd and her mum, I pay all the costs. Generally that works out at £40 per visit. £80 per month plus any extra visits. All of that is in addition to CM

In your case I think on the one hand he moved away so you could argue it's up to him to fund it all. But I don't know the circumstance. Maybe he couldn't afford to live in your area.

But I don't really see why you should fund it one way. But then if he can't afford it either and it means the kids don't get to visit him they're missing out.

Talk to him explain that you simply don't have the spare cash and try and work something out. It might give him a sense of how little his CM goes.

GypsyMoth Thu 15-Sep-11 21:37:35

Is he unemployed? Sounds like it's the standard fiver a week

Ask him to go halves

Rhymenoseros Thu 15-Sep-11 21:44:53

hi I can no longer drive to to my health deteriorating badly over the past 6 months.

I think he moved there as thats where his girlfriend lives, he was living with her and her parents before they got this flat together. He has a licence but no car although his g/f has a car.

I would love to be able to talk to him and come to an arrangement. Its very difficult to talk to him about anything. he is very narcissitic and twists whatever i say back to the DS's leaving them confused.He also gets overly defensive very quickly, verbally abusive and full of excuses, which I am fed up of dealing with.

He has only very recently restarted paying maintenance and has, in the past, used paying it(all £5 a week) as an excuse not to have the boys before (ie 'I cant afford to have them because you take all my money' He actually moved to the other side of the world for a year and told the boys it was because I was taking all his money hmm I don't think he has the remotest idea of the costs involved in bringing up children.

MrGin Thu 15-Sep-11 22:17:32

Christ , what an scuzzball. I'm sorry for your having to deal with someone like that. £5 a week and he resents it ?!

I'd tell him to f* o** in terms of the fare. Really he's taking to piss if he expects you to pay any of the fare for the kids.

£5 !!! That is pathetic.

If he's going to be such a dick ( excuse all my swearing ) then I guess nothing will change that. Whether you pay or not.

It's his time with the kids he's trying to organize , it's not your responsibility. If you'd moved then maybe, given what you've said ... I say no.

Rhymenoseros Fri 16-Sep-11 10:47:11

mrGin thanks yeah he is a scuzzball (not heard that expression for years!) I have decided to pay their fare up to his on this occasion,he will have to pay the return fares, and am going to write an email explaining that in future he will have to arrange and pay for transport.
I know he will tell the boys that I am making it difficult for him to see them but I am simply not in a position to afford the extra expense, especially as the boys and other friends tell me that his FB has regular pictures of him at the pub, parties, etc while he is claiming poverty. Hopefully my boys will see that when he says he can't afford to see them its not true. They have already noticed a massive difference between what he says and what he does.

MrGin Fri 16-Sep-11 11:02:03

Rhymenoseros you are clearly a far better human being than he is.

And you know what, your kids will come to understand this as they get older if not already.

I wouldn't be able to resit telling him what his £2.50 per child had bought that week.

best of luck.

blackeyedsusan Sat 17-Sep-11 14:11:44

given that he pays so little he should pay. you only have to make the children available for contact.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING Sat 17-Sep-11 14:32:51

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