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How do I stop myself from caring what he says?

(6 Posts)
feedmenow Tue 13-Sep-11 11:23:37

Exdp moved out about 2.5 years ago now - my decision - one of the main reasons being that he lies. Seemingly about anything and everything, including silly little things that never mattered.

I have 3 dc's, the eldest had a different dad. We get on really well and still consider ourselves as very good friends. I know I am lucky that we have managed to acheiev this.

So, my exdp (and the father of my younger 2 dc's) and I have really struggled to find a way to get on. He has spent much of the last 2.5 years telling me he still loves me, etc, etc, etc. We go through phases of getting on really nicely to not even liking each other in the slightest.

Anyway, I have finally decided that he and I won't be able to have the friendly relationship that I have with my other exdp and that I am just going to have to make our contact very black and white and for the children, insetad of trying to be friends.

But it really saddens me that I know he tells lies about me. Whilst it shouldn't matter, we live in the same town and therefore do come across the same people. I know that anyone that really knows me won't listen to the things he says about me, but I can't help but care that a) someone who claims/claimed to love me could still be so hurtful and b) that people I pass who know my face think I am a complete bitch and that he was a loving and wonderful partner to me.

I also feel really and truly sorry for anyone he meets in the future knowing that they will fall for his charm and not realise til much later that they can't actually trust a word he says.

My head accepts that I can't do anything to change his behaviour, either towards me or anyone else, but I am still very heavy hearted about it and really want to find a way to not let it get me down.

Any suggestions appreciated please.

AmberLeaf Tue 13-Sep-11 11:27:46

Just try to accept that its just another way for him to 'get at you' he tried to grind you down for the last 2.5 yrs and now this is his next tactic.

Forget about what other people think of you after hearing his lies, those that matter wont care, those that do care dont matter!

Just stick to your plan...keep everything black/white and children/arrangment related and refuse to engage any further with him.

He will get the message eventually when he realises his efforts are fruitless.

Good luck!

AmberLeaf Tue 13-Sep-11 11:30:01

Re; you feeling heavy hearted as to why someone that loved you could do this, its not about you its his fucked up way of being. its his problem not yours.

He would prob revel in the fact that it gets to you...dont let him.

feedmenow Tue 13-Sep-11 14:26:02

Thanks Amber.

A few supportive and reassuring words make a lot of difference, and are very much appreciated.

AmberLeaf Tue 13-Sep-11 16:53:41

Glad to be of help. smile

It will get easier.

My EX used to try all sorts of tactics to get at me, I realised that any response encouraged him and as hard as it was I just had to ignore no matter how difficult it was.

Things are a lot better now.

lowercase Wed 14-Sep-11 00:36:17

any body with a bit of sense will realise he is a bitter ex partner slandering you.

you cant change his behaviour, but can change how you react to it.
hold your head up, like someone else said, dont let this tactic grind you down.

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