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Daughter changed after exh got married ?

(3 Posts)
DEK64 Thu 08-Sep-11 20:08:56

Just a bit of background -

My ex-husband & I split up just under 4 yrs ago (after he had an affair), we've got 2 daughters - they were aged 5 & 2 at the time.
Both of the girls had seemed to take the split 'in their stride'. They see their father regularly and we are on speaking terms.

Then 6 months ago he got married again. My eldest daughter (now almost 9 yrs old) seems to have changed, she has turned very argumentative and is very negative all of the time. She is also spiteful towards her little sister and has started lying. She had always been a really good girl.

I'm really not sure if it is 'just her age' or if it is connected to him getting married. She has mentioned several times, in the past, that she 'wants Mommy & Daddy to live together'.

So I was just wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar or had any advice for me of how to handle her?

Thanks very much in advance.
xx

madmomma Thu 08-Sep-11 20:30:07

Oh I feel for you DEK64. I went through the same thing with my daughter, who was 11 when her Dad got married. She totally changed and was incredibly emotional and demanding. She felt replaced by her Dad's wife, and quickly learned that him being married meant less time and attention for her. It was a long, hard slog getting through the phase. I can't lie and say it'll be over quickly - I'd say it was intensely difficult every day for a year. I just listened to her tell me the same frustrations and hurt feelings over and over again, and my heart broke for her. I was so angry with her Dad for making her feel this way. I tried (extremelly carefully) to raise the subject with him, but he didn't want to know. She didn't feel able to talk to him about it, so I just tried to be a sounding board and baby her a little bit while she had the horrible feelings. Gradually, she learned how to cope, and I think she's adjusted well. She's much happier now, but it's taken a long time, and I've felt so very emotionally drained by it. I think the best advice I can offer is just be there for her to talk to and to cuddle whenever she comes to you. If your ex is as stubborn as mine, there won't be much influence you can have, but if you have a good relationship, maybe you could tell him that she's feeling insecure and could he offer her some extra cuddles and reassurance that she's still special. What would've helped my daughter was a goodnight phonecall each night from her Dad. Maybe he'd be willing to do this? Good Luck, and try to keep heart - she will get through it - she just needs lots of support and extra love.

DEK64 Fri 09-Sep-11 12:11:30

Thank-you for your reply ....
She didn't seem to have a problem when they were living together - think it's that she's realised there's definitely no chance of us getting back together.
I can't see me being able to raise the subject with him - he wouldn't want to know either. He is very stubborn as well.
Thank-you - I will continue to talk and listen to her. Lots of love & support smile xx

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