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How the hell does anyone cope?!

(15 Posts)
Darnsarfupnorf Thu 08-Sep-11 18:32:51

Been a 'proper' single mum (me and the ex have been split up a long time but had been living together) for a whole week now. in that time the baby (5mo) has caught a virus so has an awful cough, developed thush so has a special cream, has had her 3rd lot of jabs so is in a foul mood and has possibly swallowed something while i had my back turned. on top of that the house is a state, washing up not done, washing piling up etc and the job center are no closer to deciding wether or not they want to give me ay money (which theyve been doing for 2 months!!)

even better, on top of that im ment to be packing to move house!

someone please te me that this is just yet another rut and itll get easier!

FagAshLill Thu 08-Sep-11 19:12:42

Oh love, you have had it tough. it will get easier I promise.

The baby will get better
The DWP will pull their fingers out eventually
The house will get done
and you have a nice new house to look forward to.

You'll get there, being ill is bad enough, an ill child is just the pits.

mamalovesmojitos Thu 08-Sep-11 19:18:07

It will get better. I've been there, right down in the dumps with everything going wrong.

Baby will get better. You'll settle in your new place. Job centre will make a decision. You'll get stronger. You'll get used to being single - dare I say it, you will really enjoy aspects of it. With every week that passes you'll be more independent and happier. You and baby will settle into a happier routine.

As time goes on baby will grow and get easier. You'll get work or perhaps study. Maybe meet someone new! For now, breathe, post a lot on here, be kind to yourself. One day at a time smile.

MissPricklePants Thu 08-Sep-11 20:16:00

agree with whats been said. I have been a single mum for 2 years and my dd is 27 months now. One day at a time, it does get easier.

ChildofIsis Fri 09-Sep-11 07:49:00

Hi I've been alone just a week.
H left me last friday. It's incredibly complex and wouldn't be out of place on jeremy kyle.
I'm resigned to the fact he won't come back to me.
We've managed to be very supportive of each other this week,but i'm so very sad and can't quite believe it's over.
DD is 5 and we'd been together 28.5 yrs.

It's the little things that get me. Not being able to all snuggle in bed again.
Never making love, doing family things, going on holiday etc.
I understand there's a grieving process to go through, but last time I had to grieve over something big I ended up really ill with depression and I can't allow that to happen this time.

roseyposeysmum Fri 09-Sep-11 08:29:50

I have been there this week with the ill child and i think it is one of those things that makes you realise that it can be really tough on your own. House is a tip because we have had furniture delivered. I can't even get in my kitchen.

However little girl is on the mend, the house i am dealing with slowly and one room at a time and one job at a time. You will get there. I could have happily cried on Monday night sad

Give it time and being on your own becomes second nature and as people have said there are some really good bits to it.

Hope you feel better soon xxxx

cestlavielife Fri 09-Sep-11 09:55:15

call in frineds, family, surestart centre volunteers anyone for some help adn support even if they jsut come sit with baby for one hour while you get stuff done

SaggyHairyArse Fri 09-Sep-11 11:12:43

Hang on in there, it is sods law that everything comes at once.

My STBHX left on the first day of term last year, I had 2 at Primary then the youngest was starting nursery, my car decided to conk out, I had a breast cancer scare which took 3 months to confirm the lump was benign, I had my eldests birthday and just everything happened at once in the last quarter of the year - of course the children were all ill as DSs asthma was bad, blah blah blah.

After Christmas everything calmed down and I haven't looked back, everything will be OK in the end (((hugs)))

Darnsarfupnorf Sun 11-Sep-11 02:32:28

childofisis I know the jeremy kyle thing all to well! the ex's gf even suggested we went on!! (that gives you an idea of the kind of person she is, add that to the list of what i have to deal with!)

thankyou everyone, I know your all right but its hard to see sometimes isnt it. Hope everyones ok and coping!

Spent the weekend with ex's family (without him which was wierd but wierdly liberating!) i know its not about 'sides' and i hate to use that word but theyre all on mine. its comforting to know that. im a long way from my family so having them around really is a help

the baby is getting better, the house is still a state and i still havent packed! however i got a letter this morning and have some money now! its not much and i need to dispute it but its something at least

everything always comes at once doesnt it and i guess ive just got to learn to swim rather than sink.

Mumsnet is definetly helping, thankyou smile x

ChildofIsis Sun 11-Sep-11 05:43:52

Darnsarf, what a lot you've got to deal with.
It seems to be 2 steps forward and 1 step back at first.

I'm doing really well, better than h I think. He seems totally unprepared for the consequences of what he's done.
I think he'd been backed/backed himself into a corner and ended up confessing before he'd made many plans.
He's an engineer, he never does anything with out thorough investigation and thought.

He had DD yesterday afternoon, they had a great time at a swimming party. Meanwhile I sorted some of his stuff. When they got back he offered to take away less than half the boxes and was surprised when I insisited he take it all. Apparently he'd not organised a place for it all to go. I said what a shame that was and handed him a box!

I have now moved everything of his out of MY bedroom. What a relief, it's tidy for the first time in months (h is messy) and even 'feels' better.

I am so looking forward to the future without all the emotional crap I've gone through in the past few months.
I hope everyone else can get to a positive place too.

The best revenge is living well beyond the relationship!

Darnsarfupnorf Sun 11-Sep-11 20:30:57

aww glad your ok smile

yea my ex is messy too! think i was expecting the house to be miraculously spotless as soon as he left and was dissapointed that it wasnt!

glad your dd had a good time though, mines not seen or heard from her dad all week. to busy with his gf and her kid probably but at least shes not old enough to understand yet.

im to busy for revenge! esspecialy when my evenings are now filled with a certain someone grin im not getting my hopes up yet, its very early days and im still fully prepared to be single for many many years to come but its given me a little flicker of hope at least!

i am a lot happier now, ive had a lovely weekend with the ex's family (without him!) and all i need is a magic fairy so sort the house and do the packing and lifes pretty good....but i hear shes very much in demand so ill just have to wait my turn!

blackeyedsusan Mon 12-Sep-11 11:50:42

I'm just glad I don't have a web cam.... ,shuffles in front of washing mountain to hide it... <whistles innocently>

thinks i probbly spend less time on mumsnet and get on with some tidying....

Darnsarfupnorf Mon 12-Sep-11 22:00:57

haha tomorow is going to be my 'tidying and packing' day....honest :p

first job is to tackle the disgrace that is my kitchen, i REALLY need to invest in a table top dishwasher! any ideas where i can find a really cheap one?

YoFluffy Tue 20-Sep-11 20:56:10

It would have been a bit of sh*t week even if the ex had been around -- babies and viruses don't make for an easy life.

It does get easier and I really wouldn't have it any other way now - I'd rather have 20 cats and a pile of 17 year old newspapers than share my home again.

Stay strong, take each day a step at a time and don't worry about having a tidy house when things are tough!

Daisy1986 Tue 20-Sep-11 21:20:16

It gets easier! Ive been single since getting pregnant as he wasnt interested. DD is now 2 so a bit older then yours. Once baby is better getting a morning routine is important as it makes life a lot easier as can be hard to get out the house. Mine goes something like this:

When we get up I make the beds, run my bath, change LO nappy, put washing on if not done the night before. She plays in her bedroom while I have a quick bath (Leave the bath water). I get dressed. LO has breakfast while I do the ironing/ have mine/ fill changing bag with snacks fresh drink. DD has a quick bath bum wash etc in my bath which has now cooled down while I do teeth/make up/hair if I can be bothered. She gets dressed and plays / watches Tv while I tidy up the kitchen/ take rubbish out etc. We go to toddler groups at 10am most mornings. Home for lunch/ sleep if im lucky or go to another toddler group/park then dinner bath bed.

The hardest time is when you get ill yourself, ideally having some good friends/family members is good in this instance. Make sure your stocked up on bread/milk/calpol/paracetmol etc stuff you cant get if babys down for the night/ either of you are ill. It can be lonely so try and get out during the day.

Hope this helps.

Enjoy being single its lovely to be able to do what you want when you want, not having to tidy up after someone else etc.

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