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Could I go it alone?

(8 Posts)

Sorry, I am really nervous about posting here and promise that what I am about to say is not in order to offend anyone.

My 'D'H and I are going through a very hard time and are on the brink of splitting. He is not a bad person and is a great father so it's not relationship advice I am after it is more how would I manage if we did split up.

I think I could cope with living alone as he has worked away in the past for a while when we had one DS, I imagine it would be harder now we have two.

My biggest concern is the disruption to my lovely boys lives. They are happy, they have a lovely house in a great area and the eldest is settled in nursery with his wee friends. Splitting from H would mean moving them 400 miles away to what would have to be for financial reasons a two bedroom flat in what will probably be not the greatest of areas. I understand that many children live in flats in poorer areas - I was brought up like this and had a very happy childhood, I am well aware material things are not the be all and end all - but is it selfish of me to do this to them for my own gain and to their loss, the loss of their daddy full time and all that they know.

I am not desperatly unhappy, beaten or abused - just not in love with H and completley torn between what is best for them and what is best for me.

Financially I wouldn't know where to start, my DS are 3 and 1 and I am a SAHM.

Again, sorry this is long and rambling - if it makes sense to anyone then any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

Sorry should have said, would have to move the 400 miles as we have no family support at all where we are at the moment - living away for H work.

hairylights Tue 06-Sep-11 14:40:56

Sorry that this is not what you will want to hear but you absolutely must not move your children 400 miles away from their dad. It is not in their best interests nor is it fair to their father. You say he's a great father, why do you want to deny your children proper co-parenting by moving them such a distance that it would be impossible?

You make the massive assumption that the children will remain with you ... Have you thought that he might want to be rhthe resident parent? What if that's the case?

GypsyMoth Tue 06-Sep-11 14:44:52

Are you a forces family? Does your h job move you around a lot anyway?

I would have to move them as his job moves all over the place and come May next year he will be permently based 50 miles from where I would plan on moving too (near to both his and my family).

It is a given that the boys will remain with me, we have discussed splitting and due to his work/life balance it would be impossible for him to be resident parent.

We have managed the distance in the past due to him working away, during this period he flew home every weekend, if we were to split he would continue to do this but stay with his mum instead of with me and the boys.

hairylights Tue 06-Sep-11 14:53:52

Ah! I wish you'd put that in your original post! At face value it looked like you were thinking of moving them somewhere which would have seriously impeded your dc relationship with their father.

If you can work out between you what you both feel is right for your dc and co-parenting then that's what you should do. Your children are young enough to cope with the move IMHO.

hairylights Tue 06-Sep-11 14:56:28

Fwiw you all need to be happy and staying together "for the children" is not a good idea IMHO. With the new info you've given, I think splitting would not be a huge detriment to your children. They will continue tonhave two parents actively parenting, and not a sad mother.

Tiffany not forces but similar in having to move around.

Hairy apologies, there is probably loads I missed out in original post, it just seemed to be getting longer and longer blush

Their lives would just be so different I don't know if I could do it, they have no idea we are not happy I could put Gwyenth Paltrow to shame, our familes/friends have no idea.

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