Everytime someone says where is your partner and I say he left us some people go owe thats so sad or twice they never really spoke to me again feeling that it was wrong and liked the child with husband circle. Has anyone else had any experiences like this or are you the person that believes you should be married first anyway?.
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gillybean2 ·
05/09/2011 07:17
LSAR - you are kind of giving a negative attitude with that answer. If you said he left us, thank goodness! Or we're not together and we parent much better that way they may find it easier. Your current answer doesn't give them an easy way to move the conversation on and may come across as quite bitter and may leave people feeling uncomfortable about how to respond (although hard to tell from typed words on a screen how you actually phrase it of course...)
Meglet - if the response you get is negative at first this will hopefully change over your ds's school life.
When ds started school I was pretty much the only lone parent. By the time he left there were several, and people seemed to become more, though not totally, accepting when people they knew started separating the more of us there were. Course I was still the only slapper one who had a baby without getting married first so I was still more 
than the others.
Plus you never quite get past that attitude of she's going to steal my dh! One lady actually said 'I'm going to be out when you drop ds back, but dh will be there. Is that ok with you?' Urm yes, as long as there's someone at home I can pass him back too...
Ds's friends would ask where his dad was when they came over. They were much more accepting. I simply said he lives abroad and they just said 'oh ok' and carried on with whatever they were doing.
elastamum ·
05/09/2011 12:36
It is sad, but you definatley get 'special' treatment being a LP.
I have recently met a new partner and suddenly we are getting dinner inviations as a couple from old friends of mine. I feel like saying 'have I become socially acceptable once more?'
Where were they when I was on my own and really needed the company
Meglet ·
05/09/2011 17:50
When anyone asks me what happened with XP, I say "we broke up, Thank God!". They must think I'm a heartless cow 
..
signothetimes ·
06/09/2011 15:48
I've a very guarded person, and don't usually indulge in conversations about my personal life with people I don't know well. For all the reasons already listed. On the few occasions I've mentioned it, after a long period of getting to know someone, they are usually 
for some reason. I seem to have a knack of avoiding a straight question about my situation, and even the sneaky ones asking if I'm planning on having any more kids, I always say DD is more than enough for me. I was never judged or defined by my circumstances before I became a single parent and really resent anyone having an unfounded opinion on me and my life just because I'm a single parent. The opinions are always wrong too.
susiedaisy ·
06/09/2011 21:03
Tbh I haven't had any negative vibes from people, some people say oh I'm sorry thats sad to which I usually reply yes it is sad but we had been so unhappy for such along time it is a relief to be free of all the stress, which is the truth, what they think of that well I don't care tbh, my close friends and family have been fantastic and so supportive as they could see what a prick he was towards the kids and me, what the general public think is completely irrelevant to me
susiedaisy ·
07/09/2011 15:10
Bear- that has surprised me actually how many women ( haven't spoken to men about it) are staying in a marriage because they are too scared to make a move, worried about losing their home, worried about not havin enough cash , too worried about raising the dc on their own, 
and yet they are really unhappy, now I am not judging them, I stayed in a miserable marriage for four years linger than I should of out of fear of the unknown, and separating is a huge step for anyone to take, but the prospect of staying in a very unhappy marriage for the rest of my life was even more daunting to me tbh,
BearGrylls ·
08/09/2011 13:18
I am sure I'm not alone when I say that living with ex-p was like having another child anyway! Now its only me any my 3ds which is so much easier. Being a parent is hard work whether you are single or in a relationship, but when you do it on your own it is incredibly rewarding. My ds's benefit from only one set of expectations so there is no conflict or mixed messages, and I try to set as best an example as I can. We are a happy little group!
By getting out of a bad relationship or refusing to accept bad behaviour from a partner/ex etc you are setting a good example for you children and that has to be a good thing. Of course the world isn't like Disney and I'm sure none of us intended or expected to find ourselves as lone parents but its just the way it turns out sometimes. Circumstances can change in a heartbeat, those who look down on us should bear that in mind! 
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GossipWitch ·
14/09/2011 22:45
Well I got married at 18, had ds1 at 19, separated at 20 and fully divorced at 21, and people still seem very surprised when I say well ds1 was conceived in wedlock exdh just decided that a 16 year old was better than me. And there response? "oh my, that's really bad" to which I say "no, she did me a favour" and then there was the whole ds2 fiasco, who was conceived via a very short relationship and broken contraception. Who's sperm donor doesn't want anything to do with him.
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