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FFS, I really want Rhiannas necklace....

(4 Posts)
SaggyHairyArse Sat 03-Sep-11 17:17:30

So STBXH has the kids this weekend for the first time in weeks because I took them away for a month and then he went on holiday when we got back...the less said about that the better...anyway, I asked him to have the kids Fri and Sat night this weekend because I am starting college next week and want to get sorted and have a party this evening.

So, he just turned up at the house dropping our youngest back because he has been hardwork all day and he cannot cope...I drove them all back to STBXHs and have put my foot down, I need a break.

I feel like the worst Mum in the world because DS wanted to stay with me but I put my foot down because STBXH is always picking and choosing what he can manage and he jsut has to get on with it like I do, FFS!

Arrrgghhhh! Anyway, I want the necklace to wear when I see him as he is a class A C U Next Tuesday.

Rant over.

missmogwi Sat 03-Sep-11 17:55:41

Good for you. I think you are right.

Do you drop the kids off at his when you are having a bad day? Of course not. He shouldn't have done that, when he has the children he should just get on with it. Hopefully he will realise that he can't pick and choose.

I'm going to copy you next time my XP takes the piss!

Have a good time tonight!

gillybean2 Mon 05-Sep-11 07:39:04

Hmm. I appreciate you need a break but contact is meant to be for the benefit if the dc, not so you can go out and party. Did you ask him to have the dc because you had college and a party or so the dc could spend time with their dad? There is a significant difference...

Basically don't tell your ex you have plans or are going out as some ex's have a tendancy to purposely sabotage anything like this. Has he done similar before?

How old is your youngest? Must have been pretty awful for him to first be rejected by his dad and then his mum too. I hope his dad is the sympathetic kind and wouldn't of used the opportunity to say that mum doesn't care about you or she'd rather party than see you.

You were right to tell your ex he had to get on with it, but doing so in front of your ds probably wasn't ideal. Ask him to contact you before he heads on over next time if there is a problem as you can'[t guarantee you will be at home. But do point out to him that his contact time is the minimum he should be seeing the dc and that you appreciate parenting isn't always easy but it comes with it's up and downs and he needs to learn to deal with whatever the dc throw at him.

If the dc haven't seen him for a long time that could be why your youngest ds was acting up and/or struggling with his feelings.
More frequent contact may help the NRP and dc concerned when problems like this arise.
Maybe in future you can try and work out holiday arrangements together. Going away for a month is quite a long time, especially if dad also has plans to be away. Putting a plan in place now so you all know how the holidays is expected to be split in future may help avoid such long gaps bwtween contact. Eg splitting the summer in half and alternating each year who has first and second half. ex having them for last or first 2 weeks, one week with you one with him x3, or any combination you can agree on.

And don't bother with the necklace. You ex may well regard it as a good label for you and totally miss your point about it. You don't want him hanging round your neck really now do you?
Plus your dc will no doubt ask what it means...

Good luck with your studies at college.

SaggyHairyArse Mon 05-Sep-11 08:32:24

I appreciate your points. Of course I don't really want the necklace, it was a joke hmm

The reason for STBXH having the children was for both the reasons you outlined, for the children to have contact with their father and also so I could have a break - not that I need to justify myself but I never go out, two birds/one stone and all that.

And, thanks for that, I did not reject my DS. I took him back to his Dads, talked to him, explained, blah blah blah.

As for sorting out my holiday plans, I neither asked for nor wanted your advice about that. I asked my STBXH if I could take the children away for a month at the beginning of the year. He agreed, he then subsequently booked his holiday for after our return not when we were away.

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