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Soon-to-be lone parent with young baby - advice please

(4 Posts)
stblp Thu 25-Aug-11 13:50:02

Just that. Own home, that's fine. New baby. P's about to move out (hence namechange, knows my usual one). What do I need to do? Things are becoming more tense but I hope to keep things amicable.

Practical stuff - No family to help me (I'm a carer to my parents). Does anyone here pay for help, cleaning / baby stuff, mother's helper sort of thing? Is that even available I wonder. I'm concerned about what happens if I'm ill, who looks after DS.

Also, any advice on contact / courts etc? DS is EBF and 4mo. Feeds whenever he likes. At what age would courts give dad what sort of access? Would they expect me to stop ebf and assist contact by introducing bottles?

thanks

Lasvegas Thu 25-Aug-11 14:05:06

Oh poor you. Don't worry you will get through it. My husband left me (out of the blue) when DD was 3 days old. My family were 4 hours drive away. When I was on maternity leave I didn't need any help. Yes like you I was worried I would get ill and how would I look after the baby, luckily it didn't happen. Maybe get a number of a night nanny agency/ emergency nanny, that you could call on just in case you get ill. Or if you can afford it advertise in a local shop window for a mother's help, you may find an older lady who can help out a few hours a week. Though in my experience I could manage alon looking after a 4 month old.

I bf and the advise I got from solicitor is that no you would not have to stop bf on demand to facilitate contact.

Good luck

MrGin Thu 25-Aug-11 15:14:13

stblp,

My advise in terms of keeping things amicable and avoiding court would be to make sure your XP feels like he's involved. Assuming that's what he wants.

When I split with my XP dd was 2 years old so a bit different, but none the less my XP kind of became, in her mind, the one who decided when and where I would see my own daughter. At one point suggesting DD should be 7 years old before overnight visits. And as I'm sure you can imagine, when someone starts putting restrictions on seeing your own flesh and blood, that is when conflicts build quickly.

I think it's important to choose your words carefully and always frame things as what is best for the child. Tongue biting is also a bit of pre-requisite. Often the baggage from breaking up lingers on, and really all the past needs to remain in the past. I told my XP we'd have one chance each ( without interruption ) to rant about our dead relationship and after that I wasn't interested in discussing it further.

Going to court by all accounts sounds dreadful and a huge expense.

I'd advise that although your XP can't really expect to have the child staying at such an early age, suggesting when it would likely happen may help calm any fears.

As for childcare, I'd hope you'd be meeting more new mums as time goes on, you'd also find that when your dc is a little older some other mums may have au pairs with days off here and there which they are keen to work on.

good luck

Mumsie76 Thu 25-Aug-11 15:42:27

My advise is not to panic!!!! Things may feel strange to start with but us mums are tough and you will surprise yourself with how well you will manage!!! I was left with 2 kids and a family that thought it was my fault (their opinion has changed now and are very supportive) but I started each day with a big smile and an even bigger hug for the kids. I am now 3 years down the line and although XP is supposed to have the kids every other weekend it has drifted off slightly but we manage and the kids are more happy and confident then ever x

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