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ExH said if we split up our DC would be failures...

(20 Posts)
piellabakewell Thu 25-Aug-11 12:10:35

He implied that they would enter a downward spiral leading to alcohol and drug abuse, prostitution, depression, academic failure, unemployment etc...well DD1 aged 13 just got an A* in GCSE maths so two fingers up to him smile

Don't know what made him think I didn't know my own kids well enough to realise that he was talking shite...perhaps it was because he really doesn't know them at all.

Anyone else told a pack of lies to 'make' them stay?

Gay40 Thu 25-Aug-11 12:14:16

Far better to give them two role models of utter misery so that they enter similar relationships as adults, surely?

blackeyedsusan Thu 25-Aug-11 12:56:49

yay! well done.

Gonzo33 Thu 25-Aug-11 13:12:55

That is fab piellabakewell (although now have images of fish bakewell tarts yeurgh)

Well done to your DD1

piellabakewell Thu 25-Aug-11 13:26:11

Gonzo, look here! No fish required smile

lou33 Thu 25-Aug-11 13:34:49

Well done to her and you. Dd1has taken both gcse and a level exams in the almost six years I have been a lone parent, and she is off to winchester university in september.

One in the eye for those who write off families with only one parent. I hope you both feel v proud.

janthea Thu 25-Aug-11 13:39:28

I was a lone parent as my husband left when my daughters were 12 and 14. They went on to achieve 12 GSCEs each, 3 A levels and both went to university and acquired degrees. After university, they continued studying and one is an accountant and the other a Montessori teacher. They are both happily married with three children between them and another on the way. Not a sniff of drugs, depressions, etc. etc. Yah boo sucks to my ex who can take no credit for this. (Sticks out tongue!!)

Meglet Thu 25-Aug-11 22:22:36

My XP came out with stupid things like that.

My highly mature reply was "Well Barack Obama did ok didn't he". <<rolls eyes>>

The dc's aren't even school age yet, but I'm working on and hoping for a good future for them.

Well done to all of you guys smile!

fumblebuck Thu 25-Aug-11 23:10:35

Yep. Was told that if DCs grew up to be scarred, then it would all be my fault.

Effing bollocks.

I know alcoholics and drug abusers whose parents are still together.

Utter cr@psticks.

Bandwithering Fri 26-Aug-11 22:54:52

Yeah Barack Obama was a right ol' loser!

My dc1 is doing much better now.

Bandwithering Fri 26-Aug-11 22:55:48

janthea! well done. They're a credit to you grin

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 14:34:14

I have to agree with your ex op, the stats do state that children from broken homes don't do as well as children who have always lived with both parents, there are always exceptions.

I don't know why that is, it may be because there is a high prvelance of affairs/lying/cheating/arguments in marriages that split.

If it is the trauma of parents and children going through the grieving process, and the additional difficulties of step families.

If it is the diffuclty of financial difficulties, and bitterness at nrp who will do anything to get out of paying.

It could be to do with a lowered self esteem if nrp is an arse with contact, and goes off and plays Dad with new g/f and her kids, or has kids with new partner and abandon's his first family of kids.

It could be that the resident parent is less likely to be a sahm.

There could be many more reasons, and if you add them all up, it is not going to make for an easy start in life, and it is no wonder children from broken homes don't do as well.

It doesn't mean that children will definatly not do well, they are statistics, and you have to do the best you can to ensure that your children reach their full potential in life.

If you are living with someone you are arguing with continually, who you can't trust him or he is abusing you or the children then get out!

STIDW Sat 27-Aug-11 15:28:23

The stats are 30% of children from separated families have poor long term outcomes in comparison with 15% of children from families where the parents stay together. That means there is a difference of 15% between the two groups and the majority (70%) of children from separated families have much the same outcome as those from intact families.

Research indicates that the main factors associated with poor outcomes for children of separated families are parental conflict, poverty, the level of any distress the parent with care has and how long it takes them to recover and multiple changes to the structure of the family.

In our case there wasn't that much conflict, there was no poverty or distress. I remained single and my ex has had a g/f for several years but they don't live together. Apart from the initial upset our children have been fine with one achieving straight As and the other straight Bs throughout their school and uni years.

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 15:34:44

STIDW, well done to you all!

Not a good chance for my children then, as their unwell father put us through every thing you said causes the 15% to be distressed, boy do I hold regrets about not having the knowledge I now have regarding emotionally abusive partners.

Bandwithering Sat 27-Aug-11 20:22:48

My home is not 'broken'. I wince when I hear that label. It was broken when I was with the children's father though. I fixed it by leaving. We are more whole now it's just the three of us than when we appeared to be a conventional family unit.

I agree with STIDW, so many issues that are issues occurring as a result of poverty are all hung readily on the peg marked Singleparenthood.

I rely a lot on my parents (financially and practically so no poverty issues and no conflict issues either as my parents do the handovers for me). FAR better for the children to be brought up like this.

HereBeBolloX Sat 27-Aug-11 21:46:27

If you take income out of the data, the outcomes for the children of lone parents are the same as those for children of two parent families. It is purely poverty which influences the figures.

So you can reassure your DH that if he pays proper maintenance, his children won't suffer.

I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear that - he can ensure that the outcomes for his children remain good despite their parents not living together. smile

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 22:35:36

We are all not fortunate to have family that have the we are all in this together attitude that yours have Band, you sound like a lovely family.

signothetimes Sun 28-Aug-11 03:37:33

I have to agree with your ex op, the stats do state that children from broken homes don't do as well as children who have always lived with both parents, there are always exceptions

tranquility, the 'stats' are easily manipulated to give the impression that being the product of a single parent household inevitably leads to doom. However, of you break down the stats from STIDW, you will find that more children from 'unbroken homes' are doomed to suffer the fate so many believe will befall the offspring of single parent households.

Nearly a quarter of households with dependent children are single parent households (23%) (from: Table 3.7, General Household Survey 2007, Office for National Statistics). That leaves 77% in households that are not single parent households. 30% of the 23% = 6.9% of the overall number of households with children. 15% of the 77% , gives a figure of 11.55% from the overall number of households with children. Now you tell me, is it really accurate to say that a child from a single parent household, or 'broken home' is more likely to suffer the fate that 'research' is presented as suggesting? Or is it just a case of, yet again, lies, damn lies and statistics being skewed to fit an agenda?

Bandwithering Sun 28-Aug-11 13:57:13

and David Cameron can not be UNaware of this can he??? and yet he cuts children's benefit for single working mothers who earn 42k+ but NOT for married mothers who earn 40k.

Custard pie in his face.

specialgal3 Tue 06-Sep-11 18:08:01

Children of Single mothers? May I give you alan Greenspan,Bill Clinton
Barack Obama? Nuff said?

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